Crummy Church Signs

RSS Feed Homepage

Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

He makes a great hat salesman, though.
2008-01-30 02:28:00
submitted by new contributor SusannahAlso: Don't buy it from the Daughters of Zion.------------------------------------ ------------"Subtract seven points if you yelled at somebody today."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's BrainAdd 15 points if you know what the heck this sign is talking about.----------------------------------- -------------"I believe in the words in red."submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Jordan...but that Apostle Paul was a liar!------------------------------------ ------------I'm a finalist in a caption contest again. Go vote!!----------------------------------- -------------Subtract seven points if you didn't visit humor-blogs.com today.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Great , Salesman

Snark on the Cheap.
2008-01-29 13:52:00
I'm guest posting at the Snark again today. Come by and find out five heretofore unheard of uses for $12.48.More crumminess tomorrow, including a new horrible sign that's somehow near and dear to my heart. Or, actually, my head.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Cheap

Gonna Make You Sweat:
2008-01-28 03:50:00
submitted by frequent contributor Indie DavisOK...this church is having some seriously bad luck when it comes to having things stolen. (see the 5th sign down on the linked post)Anyone else think they're crying "Wolf" on all the thievery in order to make "clever" signs?In other words: How the heck do you allow someone to just walk away with an an entire air conditioning unit and get away with it?!? I mean, was it just sitting there, not attached to the church building or anything significant? Isn't it a chore to disconnect these things from buildings, etc?Or, better yet: It's January, and there's not exactly a huge underground black market for AC Units these days, now is there?Somebody should post a note on their sign: "If you lied to me on your sign, you're gonna need the air conditioning more than the thief will"And if they are telling the truth (both times), please consider an alarm system, or a watchdog, or moving your church to a different, less theft-prone location......
More About: Make , Gonna

The Silence of the Lambs of God
2008-01-25 15:12:00
submitted/post title by an Anonymous contributorConform!!! CONFORM!!!! CONFORM!!!! CONFORM!!!!!----------------------------- -----------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Ryan DeVries, IndiaBecause evil and wrath are in front of them?Joel's note: And don't call me "Shirley".(Yes, we know it's a Bible passage. Once again, how many other people will know this?)----------------------------------- -------------------"Until further notice, celebrate everything."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's BrainEvidence of a lull in the liturgical calendar.Joel's Note: With presents. Celebrate everything by giving me presents.-------------------------------- ----------------------"Baptism is more then a splash" (sic)submitted by frequent contributor Allen's BrainEspecially when you do a cannonball into the tank!WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!-------------- ----------------------------------------W HEW!! Quite a lively day in the comments section yesterday!...
More About: Silence

It Must be That Time of the Chorus...
2008-01-24 14:20:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Charles StrohackerAll their songs are in a minor key.------------------------------------- ------------------------submitted by Jared HendricksonThen why are so many churches either black or white?----------------------------------- -------------------submitted by Jared HendricksonFinally a sermon that's applicable to my everyday life!(Yeah, I know it's a biblical analogy, but how many people who drive past know this?)----------------------------------- -------------------submitted by new contributor Christian SmithThis is such a better translation of Romans 6:23. Why include all that garbage about "gift of God" and "eternal life" when you can make threats instead?!?Also appropriate for Bethany's blog.------------------------------------ -------------------"GRAND-SLAM WEDNESDAYS!" submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's BrainPancakes, eggs, hash browns and toast, here at First Church of St. Denny's! ------------------------...
More About: Time

Please keep hands and arms inside your death at all times...
2008-01-23 03:41:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyAwww, man! They always save the best stuff 'til the end!------------------------------------- ---------------submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyWhat if I attend church every Christmas? That is extremely regular.--------------------------------- -------------------originally posted here. submitted by Ron Brown.But if we die in sin, we can kiss our @$ goodbye.--------------------------------- ----------------------"Dream Responsibly"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rachel H., GASo should I get a designated dreamer?--------------------------------- ----------------------Frequent contributor Ron Kinzel sent in this blog post about a church billboard. Certainly a different perspective from the one I take (especially in the comments section), but a very interesting read nonetheless. Y'know, for those of you who come here for more than just the snark......anybody?? hello??Humor-blogs.com is bu...
More About: Hands , Death , Inside , Arms , Times

Password Not Valid
2008-01-22 14:22:00
I'm guest posting at the Snark again today. It's a little different approach for me, sort of a mock-testimonial/mock-editorial.Check it out and see my new approach fall flat on its face for yourself!
More About: Password

Nope.
2008-01-21 14:23:00
submitted by frequent contributor Richard SteffyI hear it goes great with milk.------------------------------------ --------------submitted by frequent contributor Richard SteffyYes. But come 2009, I am DONE with them!------------------------------------ ---------------And now, the most frequently submitted one sign in CCS history:Brett McKenzie sent me this news article associated with the sign.Steve Green sent me a picture:Ron Brown sent me some links to blogs talking about the controversy.The text to this sign was one of the very first signs I reviewed some 3 years back. It wasn't a particularly good review (I was still a rookie), and it didn't come with a picture so I had always wondered whether or not it was a real submission. I normally don't re-post signs once I've reviewed them once, but with the recent media hype surrounding this one, not to mention the flurry of submissions sent to me, I thought I'd include it.As for a new review, I'd say this if I had to do it over ...

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
2008-01-19 04:12:00
Those of you who know me personally know what a music freak I am. I actually moved to Nashville for music, and intended it as a career for quite some time. Unfotunately when I moved to Nashville I realized everyone else here intended it as a career, too! I still play as much as I can, but sadly it's never enough...However, the best musical news I've heard in years came to me today: Sixpence None The Richer is getting back together!! Leigh Nash (singer) posted a blog on her MySpace page today:"We realized we were on the same page and decided to make Sixpence None the Richer records for the next 2,000 to 3,000 years!!!! Seriously- as long as we can: ) We are in the middle of making an EP right now that will be available soon! We also have a tour planned beginning in April."If your only familiarity with Sixpence are the ubiquitous soft rock hits "Kiss Me" or "There She Goes", then you don't have the whole picture at all.Check out the much heavier "Angeltread" (the video's rea...

Bow Chicka Bow Bow!
2008-01-18 15:47:00
submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownAnd all God's women said.......Amen.------------------------- ------------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownNear to shopping and good schools?--------------------------------- ------------submitted/asst. reviewed by Duane BrownJimmy, you're in charge of hellfire and brimstone this year. Can you handle that?!?---------------------------------- --------"God plus one is the majority."submitted by new contributor Ty MaierSo God by Himself loses or ties?? What kind of crummy god are they worshiping?------------------------------ -------------Slow down. Feel the humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.

Mixed Messages
2008-01-17 15:51:00
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownI'll come back when everybody's on the same page...Joel's Note: Guess which one is a quote from the Bible! Guess why the other sign decided to contradict a direct quote from the Bible! (I can only answer one of those two...).--------------------------------- -----------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownPaper or plastic?--------------------------------- -------------"Happy is the nation whose God is the Lord"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Ironic Catholic...and when you find that nation, please let me know.Joel's Note: I love it when churches decide to make their own translation of the Bible.----------------------------------- --------------More signs from Duane tomorrow!Don't count humor-blogs.com, make humor-blogs.com count.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Messages , Mixed , Mess , Ages

Smile, darn you!!
2008-01-16 14:44:00
submitted by Katherine Trexler, NCAnd considering where they're going, they should be the most cheerful and happy people that die.------------------------------------- -submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownEvil has a new name -- and it isn't afraid to use it!Joel's Note: George be nimble,George B. Quick,Your sign person tempts me to throw a brick.----------------------------------- --------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownWe voted on it, and it was really close.----------------------------------- --------------"Dr. Powers' sermon: Smelly People."submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunchToday's sermon brought to you by Old Spice.----------------------------------- --------------I've got a bunch more of Duane's signs to get through, so be sure to visit back tomorrow!We feel you will like humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.
More About: Smile

Narrow is the road...
2008-01-14 15:49:00
submitted by new contributor Dave AndersonAlso:It's Elohim or an ion beam.It's Adonai or the evil eye.Feel free to add your own in the comments section...EDIT: Diesel says "It's the Lord of Lords or the waterboard" Rickey goes mythological on us and says "It's Zeus or Zip it!"Bruce says "El Shaddai or a poke in the eye."Duane says "It's Jesuit or lose it"Suhayla says "It's the Good Book or a right hook"Nic says " It's Jehovah or it's over. "---------------------------------------- ----------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyBut He'll be just barely on time in 2009......then He'll never show up again in 2010.------------------------------------ -----------------"When you step out, God steps in"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire This fall on ABC- "Dancing With the Divinities"! ----------------------------------------- ------ "Jesus- the only investment that never loses interest"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emil...
More About: Road , The Road

Jesus Christ is Coming To Town...
2008-01-11 14:08:00
submitted by new contributor John JordanWhy does God need to check it twice? In case He screwed up the first time?------------------------------------ --------------"State of the church. Pastor Grooms"submitted by Aaron LeeWell...it's certainly better than the alternative.----------------------------- ---------------------"Get God, get grown up, and get going!"submitted by frequent contributor Lincoln J.Good grief.----------------------------------- ----------------Humor-blogs.com is making a list and checking it twice too.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Jesus , Jesus Christ , Christ , Town

Indulgences for sale here!
2008-01-10 15:49:00
seen on A Stumbing Believer by frequent contributor Indie DavisSeeking: One youth pastor.Job description: Really, really, really uphill battle.---------------------------------- -------------------------------seen on A Stumbing Believer by frequent contributor Indie DavisThey also let a few get off the hook, but who's counting?And regarding the first line: You think they do the locusts & honey bit, too?------------------------------------- ----------------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownToday, let us read from John's First Birthday Party, Picture 2.....----------------------------------- -----------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownI'll just bet it's the touring cast and not the original Broadway production.Oh, and next week they're doing "Spamalot".------------------------------ -----------------------Humor-blogs.com: Old fashioned humor like it used to be.Keep 'em coming.
More About: For Sale , Sale

Immunizations at 7:10
2008-01-09 01:07:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Duane BrownMake sure you cover your mouth when you witness.--------------------------------- ----------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownIf He's unavailable, try Jenny at 867-5309--------------------------------- ----------------submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownFour stars, huh?Out of what? Four? Ten? I must know: How good is this Christmas?!?----------------------------- --------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownThe Greatest Story Ever Told (The Frank Capra Edition)--------------------------------- ----------------"No danger of eye damage from looking on the bright side."submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.Slight danger of brain damage from looking at this sign.------------------------------------ -------------No danger of eye damage from looking at humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.
More About: Immunizations

Snark Effects.
2008-01-08 14:38:00
I'm over at The Snark today, railing against those horrible commercials for prescription drugs. Be sure to check it out!Also, come back tomorrow for more crumminess. I've got tons of great (crummy) signs to work through this week!Keep 'em coming.
More About: Effects

What about "Crackers"?
2008-01-07 16:11:00
submitted by new contributor Harris BloomI see a whole new set of Beatitudes coming from this sign."Blessed are the Ruff Riders, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven...."Feel free to post your own in the comments section.And I'm also unsure of the fundamental differences between a "Ruff Neck" and a "Ruff Rider". If someone could fill me in, I'd appreciate it. I mean, how embarrassing would it be to mistake those two at a fancy dinner party or something?------------------------------- -------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H., GAAnd a cool Yule.------------------------------------ --------------"God send us all your power!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Jennifer B.I mean it! I want it ALL this time!------------------------------------ ----------------"Jesus is the bread of life, not the cake for special occasions."submitted by new contributor Nicole PolhamusWell does He at least have some icing?----------------------------------- ---------------I ...
More About: Crackers

Donations of Letters Are Extremely Appreciated
2008-01-03 15:27:00
all signs/post title submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownIf we put the three of them together, do you think we could come up with one coherent message?Nah, probably not...----------------------------------- -----------"By Him God knowledge & actions are weighed"seen here on Flickr by frequent contributor Ironic CatholicGod tried to weigh this person's knowledge of grammar and sentence construction, but some things are too hard even for Him.------------------------------------- -----------"Schools were not war zones before Jesus was kicked out."seen here by many CCS contributorsThey were more like shoving matches.The above sign came from a church who had a sign submitted a few posts back. I couldn't figure out what the church's name meant, so a bunch of readers found their website and found that sign posted there. As Ryan Geer said, "They're doing your work for you." Nice :)--------------------------------------- ---------RU T E ACE ...
More About: Letters , Donations

New Year Crumminess!
2008-01-02 15:02:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyThen don't think about it.Can any Bible scholars give us a clue as to what they're talking about? Is this clumsily referencing the parable of Lazarus and the rich man? It's the only thing I can think of.By the way, I'm guessing the average car passing by can successfully read up to "should" before they speed on past.------------------------------------ ---------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyAnd there's no horses. Or music. Or carnies.Well...sometimes carnies.--------------------------------- ------------submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Auntie M.How can we give thanks if we're not allowed to talk about it?-------------------------------------- --------------"Same resolution? Let Jesus help."submitted by frequent contributor Tara, OHHe can take my 720i and make it 1080p?----------------------------------- ----------------Happy New Year everyone! I'm once again a finalist in a Caption Contest, so go vo...

Your honor...we blame Jesus!
2007-12-26 16:03:00
submitted/post title by new contributor Ken ThomasKing Arthur: "Look, if he was confused, he wouldn't have bothered to post 'Ummm...' he'd just say it."Sir Galahad: "Maybe he was dictating"King Arthur: "Oh shut up."------------------------------------- --------submitted by new contributor BB The ClownMore importantly, you should choose your enemies this way.Random note #1: How about the name of that church!Random note #2: This is the first church sign submitted by a clown.----------------------------------- ------------"Trade your pieces for God's peace" submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire The more pressing concern here is why God is collecting toupees and/or guns....--------------------------------- --------------Humor-blogs.com is the reason for...well, ummm.....for all humor.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Jesus , Honor , Blame

Spending Christmas With Friends
2007-12-25 14:42:00
Merry Christmas , everyone. Today I'm over at The Snark with a special Christmas post. Well...sorta.Hope it's a great one for everybody. "A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.." Keep 'em coming.
More About: Friends , Spending

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time.
2007-12-24 15:11:00
submitted/post title/reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonHey Jude, don't make it bad...this is bad enough already.--------------------------------- ------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonNo worries. I read the Cliff Notes.----------------------------------- -------------"At Christmas time, all roads lead to home."submitted by frequent contributor Jamie E.Except for that one that goes over the river and through the woods.----------------------------------- -------------"Advent who?" submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OHAnd all the little Whos down in Whoville said "amen!"---------------------------------- --------------Merry Christmas, everyone! Neva has graciously allowed me to do tomorrow's Christmas post over at The Snark, so be sure to visit! I'll be back later in the week with more crumminess!------------------------------ ------------------At Christmas time, all roads lead to humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.
More About: Time , Simply , Wonderful

Awfully big of you.
2007-12-21 13:34:00
submitted by frequent contributor Indie Davis, TNAfter this one, it wouldn't surprise me if he started asking someone else.------------------------------------ ----------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownBlessed are the sneezemakers, for they shall they receive crummy signage.--------------------------------- ----------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown"He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake...""...He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"----------------------------------- ----------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownWe'll be in touch if you qualify. Possibly.-------------------------------- ----------------"It's hard to baptize cats. Sunday 10:45, Wednesday 7:00"submitted by frequent contributor Jennifer BForget baptism. Have you ever tried to explain transubstantiation to one?!?----------------------------------- --------------Make sure you cast your vote in the Huey-...
More About: Awful

I guess it's better than "Loving Off" people.
2007-12-20 13:49:00
submitted AND reviewed by Julie SesnovichI don't want Isaiah "loving on" me unless he buys me dinner first.----------------------------------- ------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown, VA"Temptation bangs forever"?!?Temptation is hard to ignore when reviewing this sign, that's for sure.At any rate, temptation must get those same spam emails that I've been getting lately to be able to bang forever like that.------------------------------------ -----------------"God is. Any questions?"submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H.I can't help but wonder if these new translations of the Bible are leaving some things out...----------------------------------- -----------------"Experience the Magic!"submitted by Jennifer Nelson, MNIs this a church, a Broadway musical, or a Disney theme park?------------------------------------ ----------------Duane has sent in a bunch more signs that I'll get to tomorrow. There's some great stuff, so be sure to stay tuned.---------...
More About: People , Loving , Guess

This is a lie!
2007-12-19 04:19:00
submitted by frequent contributor Chris J.Wow...God really has nothing useful to say, does He?-------------------------------------- ----------submitted by frequent contributor Chandler CarrikerReferencing a Bible verse about believing isn't really going to convince someone who doesn't believe yet.That would be like someone showing me some kid's letter to Santa Claus to prove that he exists.If someone believes (like I do), then it's by faith. Don't threaten people with Bible verses they already don't believe.--------------------------------- ---------------------"No matter how hard we try, there is still Christ in Christmas."submitted by new contributor Denise R.Well now...that's an interesting tactic for a church to take. ----------------------------------------- --------------I'm once again a finalist in the Mattress Police caption contest. And I'm getting pantsed. Go vote!!----------------------------------- --------------------This is a sign from humor-blogs.comKeep 'em...

Half Off At the Snark!
2007-12-18 14:15:00
I'm guest posting again today at Central Snark. Go check out today's Crummy Letter addressed to coupons.More crumminess tomorrow.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Half

Wheel of Misfortune
2007-12-17 14:00:00
submitted by Katherine TrexlerAnd with only four blanks, apparently there's no Christmas this year.------------------------------------ ----------------submitted by Katherine TrexlerFor an extra charge, they can line your relatives up along the driving course so you can get visiting with them out of the way, too.------------------------------------- ------------submitted by new contributor Brad AKA WombatI can't imagine how it's "alredy" done. The box said 25 minutes at 450° .Brad says they managed to spell "alredy" correctly on the other side. I guess if you're not sure, just cover all your bases.----------------------------------- ----------- "Remember this Dec: Love weighs more than gold!"submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunchSo does lead. Can I just shoot everybody instead?--------------------------------- -------------"Christmas is the heart that receives Jesus' gift."submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunchSure it doesn't make any sense wha...
More About: Wheel

The New Casa Crummy!
2007-12-16 00:08:00
As promised, here's a few pictures of our new digs. There's no color or artwork on the walls yet since we just moved in, but you get the idea.The crummy bedroom (and our enormous freakin' cat sticking out from behind the bed).The crummy view off of our back porch. It looks out over Historic Germantown in the metro Nashville area.The crummy downstairs (which is 2nd floor of the building).The crummy living room/den.The crummy kitchen, where my wife makes very non-crummy meals. (Don't worry, we own a fridge, it just hadn't been delivered yet).The crummy view from our living room (2nd floor) and bedroom (3rd floor). That's downtown Nashville.And that same crummy view at night (crummy picture taken on a cell phone. The night view ROCKS, you'll have to trust me.)Jenn and I are very thankful for our new place. We were 45 minutes away from everything we did (work, church, friends, Preds games...). Now we're 10 minutes from work, 5 minutes from church, 5 minutes from the arena...
More About: Casa

And if I can't see the dull side either?
2007-12-14 15:57:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Ryan GeerAnd for a limited time, we have new Jesus Brand (©) Dull Side Polish available for only $29.99 at this location only!!----------------------------------- ------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Ryan GeerThis must be the sequel to The Incredibles starring Jack-Jack.------------------------------- ------------------submitted by frequent contributor Ryan GeerYou will, however, still be able to find it in stockings hung by the chimney with care.------------------------------------ ------------"Jesus saves...passes to Moses...He shoots! He scores!"submitted by new contributor JKelly, MNSome churches should have to spend time in the penalty box.------------------------------------- ----------"Heaven is a lot like Dixie...only better"submitted by Melissa in AlabamaTrue. There are none of these in heaven.---------------------------------- -------------Humor-blogs.com is a lot like Dixie. Only better.Keep 'em coming.