Crummy Church Signs

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Smile, darn you!!
2008-01-16 14:44:00
submitted by Katherine Trexler, NCAnd considering where they're going, they should be the most cheerful and happy people that die.------------------------------------- -submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownEvil has a new name -- and it isn't afraid to use it!Joel's Note: George be nimble,George B. Quick,Your sign person tempts me to throw a brick.----------------------------------- --------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownWe voted on it, and it was really close.----------------------------------- --------------"Dr. Powers' sermon: Smelly People."submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunchToday's sermon brought to you by Old Spice.----------------------------------- --------------I've got a bunch more of Duane's signs to get through, so be sure to visit back tomorrow!We feel you will like humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.
More About: Smile

Narrow is the road...
2008-01-14 15:49:00
submitted by new contributor Dave AndersonAlso:It's Elohim or an ion beam.It's Adonai or the evil eye.Feel free to add your own in the comments section...EDIT: Diesel says "It's the Lord of Lords or the waterboard" Rickey goes mythological on us and says "It's Zeus or Zip it!"Bruce says "El Shaddai or a poke in the eye."Duane says "It's Jesuit or lose it"Suhayla says "It's the Good Book or a right hook"Nic says " It's Jehovah or it's over. "---------------------------------------- ----------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyBut He'll be just barely on time in 2009......then He'll never show up again in 2010.------------------------------------ -----------------"When you step out, God steps in"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire This fall on ABC- "Dancing With the Divinities"! ----------------------------------------- ------ "Jesus- the only investment that never loses interest"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emil...
More About: Road , The Road

Jesus Christ is Coming To Town...
2008-01-11 14:08:00
submitted by new contributor John JordanWhy does God need to check it twice? In case He screwed up the first time?------------------------------------ --------------"State of the church. Pastor Grooms"submitted by Aaron LeeWell...it's certainly better than the alternative.----------------------------- ---------------------"Get God, get grown up, and get going!"submitted by frequent contributor Lincoln J.Good grief.----------------------------------- ----------------Humor-blogs.com is making a list and checking it twice too.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Jesus , Jesus Christ , Christ , Town

Indulgences for sale here!
2008-01-10 15:49:00
seen on A Stumbing Believer by frequent contributor Indie DavisSeeking: One youth pastor.Job description: Really, really, really uphill battle.---------------------------------- -------------------------------seen on A Stumbing Believer by frequent contributor Indie DavisThey also let a few get off the hook, but who's counting?And regarding the first line: You think they do the locusts & honey bit, too?------------------------------------- ----------------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownToday, let us read from John's First Birthday Party, Picture 2.....----------------------------------- -----------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownI'll just bet it's the touring cast and not the original Broadway production.Oh, and next week they're doing "Spamalot".------------------------------ -----------------------Humor-blogs.com: Old fashioned humor like it used to be.Keep 'em coming.
More About: For Sale , Sale

Immunizations at 7:10
2008-01-09 01:07:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Duane BrownMake sure you cover your mouth when you witness.--------------------------------- ----------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownIf He's unavailable, try Jenny at 867-5309--------------------------------- ----------------submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownFour stars, huh?Out of what? Four? Ten? I must know: How good is this Christmas?!?----------------------------- --------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownThe Greatest Story Ever Told (The Frank Capra Edition)--------------------------------- ----------------"No danger of eye damage from looking on the bright side."submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.Slight danger of brain damage from looking at this sign.------------------------------------ -------------No danger of eye damage from looking at humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.
More About: Immunizations

Snark Effects.
2008-01-08 14:38:00
I'm over at The Snark today, railing against those horrible commercials for prescription drugs. Be sure to check it out!Also, come back tomorrow for more crumminess. I've got tons of great (crummy) signs to work through this week!Keep 'em coming.
More About: Effects

What about "Crackers"?
2008-01-07 16:11:00
submitted by new contributor Harris BloomI see a whole new set of Beatitudes coming from this sign."Blessed are the Ruff Riders, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven...."Feel free to post your own in the comments section.And I'm also unsure of the fundamental differences between a "Ruff Neck" and a "Ruff Rider". If someone could fill me in, I'd appreciate it. I mean, how embarrassing would it be to mistake those two at a fancy dinner party or something?------------------------------- -------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H., GAAnd a cool Yule.------------------------------------ --------------"God send us all your power!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Jennifer B.I mean it! I want it ALL this time!------------------------------------ ----------------"Jesus is the bread of life, not the cake for special occasions."submitted by new contributor Nicole PolhamusWell does He at least have some icing?----------------------------------- ---------------I ...
More About: Crackers

Donations of Letters Are Extremely Appreciated
2008-01-03 15:27:00
all signs/post title submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownIf we put the three of them together, do you think we could come up with one coherent message?Nah, probably not...----------------------------------- -----------"By Him God knowledge & actions are weighed"seen here on Flickr by frequent contributor Ironic CatholicGod tried to weigh this person's knowledge of grammar and sentence construction, but some things are too hard even for Him.------------------------------------- -----------"Schools were not war zones before Jesus was kicked out."seen here by many CCS contributorsThey were more like shoving matches.The above sign came from a church who had a sign submitted a few posts back. I couldn't figure out what the church's name meant, so a bunch of readers found their website and found that sign posted there. As Ryan Geer said, "They're doing your work for you." Nice :)--------------------------------------- ---------RU T E ACE ...
More About: Letters , Donations

New Year Crumminess!
2008-01-02 15:02:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyThen don't think about it.Can any Bible scholars give us a clue as to what they're talking about? Is this clumsily referencing the parable of Lazarus and the rich man? It's the only thing I can think of.By the way, I'm guessing the average car passing by can successfully read up to "should" before they speed on past.------------------------------------ ---------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyAnd there's no horses. Or music. Or carnies.Well...sometimes carnies.--------------------------------- ------------submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Auntie M.How can we give thanks if we're not allowed to talk about it?-------------------------------------- --------------"Same resolution? Let Jesus help."submitted by frequent contributor Tara, OHHe can take my 720i and make it 1080p?----------------------------------- ----------------Happy New Year everyone! I'm once again a finalist in a Caption Contest, so go vo...

Your honor...we blame Jesus!
2007-12-26 16:03:00
submitted/post title by new contributor Ken ThomasKing Arthur: "Look, if he was confused, he wouldn't have bothered to post 'Ummm...' he'd just say it."Sir Galahad: "Maybe he was dictating"King Arthur: "Oh shut up."------------------------------------- --------submitted by new contributor BB The ClownMore importantly, you should choose your enemies this way.Random note #1: How about the name of that church!Random note #2: This is the first church sign submitted by a clown.----------------------------------- ------------"Trade your pieces for God's peace" submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire The more pressing concern here is why God is collecting toupees and/or guns....--------------------------------- --------------Humor-blogs.com is the reason for...well, ummm.....for all humor.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Jesus , Honor , Blame

Spending Christmas With Friends
2007-12-25 14:42:00
Merry Christmas , everyone. Today I'm over at The Snark with a special Christmas post. Well...sorta.Hope it's a great one for everybody. "A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.." Keep 'em coming.
More About: Friends , Spending

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time.
2007-12-24 15:11:00
submitted/post title/reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonHey Jude, don't make it bad...this is bad enough already.--------------------------------- ------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonNo worries. I read the Cliff Notes.----------------------------------- -------------"At Christmas time, all roads lead to home."submitted by frequent contributor Jamie E.Except for that one that goes over the river and through the woods.----------------------------------- -------------"Advent who?" submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OHAnd all the little Whos down in Whoville said "amen!"---------------------------------- --------------Merry Christmas, everyone! Neva has graciously allowed me to do tomorrow's Christmas post over at The Snark, so be sure to visit! I'll be back later in the week with more crumminess!------------------------------ ------------------At Christmas time, all roads lead to humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.
More About: Time , Simply , Wonderful

Awfully big of you.
2007-12-21 13:34:00
submitted by frequent contributor Indie Davis, TNAfter this one, it wouldn't surprise me if he started asking someone else.------------------------------------ ----------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownBlessed are the sneezemakers, for they shall they receive crummy signage.--------------------------------- ----------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown"He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake...""...He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"----------------------------------- ----------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownWe'll be in touch if you qualify. Possibly.-------------------------------- ----------------"It's hard to baptize cats. Sunday 10:45, Wednesday 7:00"submitted by frequent contributor Jennifer BForget baptism. Have you ever tried to explain transubstantiation to one?!?----------------------------------- --------------Make sure you cast your vote in the Huey-...
More About: Awful

I guess it's better than "Loving Off" people.
2007-12-20 13:49:00
submitted AND reviewed by Julie SesnovichI don't want Isaiah "loving on" me unless he buys me dinner first.----------------------------------- ------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown, VA"Temptation bangs forever"?!?Temptation is hard to ignore when reviewing this sign, that's for sure.At any rate, temptation must get those same spam emails that I've been getting lately to be able to bang forever like that.------------------------------------ -----------------"God is. Any questions?"submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H.I can't help but wonder if these new translations of the Bible are leaving some things out...----------------------------------- -----------------"Experience the Magic!"submitted by Jennifer Nelson, MNIs this a church, a Broadway musical, or a Disney theme park?------------------------------------ ----------------Duane has sent in a bunch more signs that I'll get to tomorrow. There's some great stuff, so be sure to stay tuned.---------...
More About: People , Loving , Guess

This is a lie!
2007-12-19 04:19:00
submitted by frequent contributor Chris J.Wow...God really has nothing useful to say, does He?-------------------------------------- ----------submitted by frequent contributor Chandler CarrikerReferencing a Bible verse about believing isn't really going to convince someone who doesn't believe yet.That would be like someone showing me some kid's letter to Santa Claus to prove that he exists.If someone believes (like I do), then it's by faith. Don't threaten people with Bible verses they already don't believe.--------------------------------- ---------------------"No matter how hard we try, there is still Christ in Christmas."submitted by new contributor Denise R.Well now...that's an interesting tactic for a church to take. ----------------------------------------- --------------I'm once again a finalist in the Mattress Police caption contest. And I'm getting pantsed. Go vote!!----------------------------------- --------------------This is a sign from humor-blogs.comKeep 'em...

Half Off At the Snark!
2007-12-18 14:15:00
I'm guest posting again today at Central Snark. Go check out today's Crummy Letter addressed to coupons.More crumminess tomorrow.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Half

Wheel of Misfortune
2007-12-17 14:00:00
submitted by Katherine TrexlerAnd with only four blanks, apparently there's no Christmas this year.------------------------------------ ----------------submitted by Katherine TrexlerFor an extra charge, they can line your relatives up along the driving course so you can get visiting with them out of the way, too.------------------------------------- ------------submitted by new contributor Brad AKA WombatI can't imagine how it's "alredy" done. The box said 25 minutes at 450° .Brad says they managed to spell "alredy" correctly on the other side. I guess if you're not sure, just cover all your bases.----------------------------------- ----------- "Remember this Dec: Love weighs more than gold!"submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunchSo does lead. Can I just shoot everybody instead?--------------------------------- -------------"Christmas is the heart that receives Jesus' gift."submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunchSure it doesn't make any sense wha...
More About: Wheel

The New Casa Crummy!
2007-12-16 00:08:00
As promised, here's a few pictures of our new digs. There's no color or artwork on the walls yet since we just moved in, but you get the idea.The crummy bedroom (and our enormous freakin' cat sticking out from behind the bed).The crummy view off of our back porch. It looks out over Historic Germantown in the metro Nashville area.The crummy downstairs (which is 2nd floor of the building).The crummy living room/den.The crummy kitchen, where my wife makes very non-crummy meals. (Don't worry, we own a fridge, it just hadn't been delivered yet).The crummy view from our living room (2nd floor) and bedroom (3rd floor). That's downtown Nashville.And that same crummy view at night (crummy picture taken on a cell phone. The night view ROCKS, you'll have to trust me.)Jenn and I are very thankful for our new place. We were 45 minutes away from everything we did (work, church, friends, Preds games...). Now we're 10 minutes from work, 5 minutes from church, 5 minutes from the arena...
More About: Casa

And if I can't see the dull side either?
2007-12-14 15:57:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Ryan GeerAnd for a limited time, we have new Jesus Brand (©) Dull Side Polish available for only $29.99 at this location only!!----------------------------------- ------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Ryan GeerThis must be the sequel to The Incredibles starring Jack-Jack.------------------------------- ------------------submitted by frequent contributor Ryan GeerYou will, however, still be able to find it in stockings hung by the chimney with care.------------------------------------ ------------"Jesus saves...passes to Moses...He shoots! He scores!"submitted by new contributor JKelly, MNSome churches should have to spend time in the penalty box.------------------------------------- ----------"Heaven is a lot like Dixie...only better"submitted by Melissa in AlabamaTrue. There are none of these in heaven.---------------------------------- -------------Humor-blogs.com is a lot like Dixie. Only better.Keep 'em coming.

...or the person reading this sign.
2007-12-13 13:46:00
submitted/post title by Jennifer NelsonDuring Palm Sunday the sign says, "If you're not worshipful, you must be a jackass".-------------------------------- -----------------submitted by Cindy Tucker...preferably in the middle of the sermon.What makes it even better is what's next to the church sign:As Cindy said on her Flickr page: "Say whatever... just say it loud and proud."---------------------------------- ---------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney"Dear Heavenly Father. My toilet is clogged. I was wondering how I should go about fixing it..."----------------------------------- --------------"Heavenly Insurance. Inquire Inside."submitted and asst. reviewed by Allen's BrainIn the unfortunate case that you ever end up in heaven, we have you covered.--------------------------------- ---------------- "Christmas is more than getting new underwear and eating candy out of a big sock"submitted and by Allen's BrainNo wonder they're grumpy about Christmas.....
More About: Reading , Sign , Person

I returned it for one that fit me better:
2007-12-12 14:03:00
submitted by frequent contributor Chandler CarrikerGood thing I peeked early....poor little guy couldn't breathe.--------------------------------- ---------------------"If you love God, Yule love his Son."submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Jordan W.Nothing says "Jesus" like pagan traditions and bad puns.------------------------------------ ------------------ "Miracles don't just happen on 34th street. They happen right here on Main Street."Apparently their cable guy showed up on time.------------------------------------ -----------------While we're in the holiday mood with this post, new friend of CCS Jackie Williams Bennett sends in this interesting Chanukah anecdote ...Also in case you weren't aware, take this warning: Reading Crummy Church Signs has been known to cause vomiting and nightmares. Read further at your own risk.------------------------------------ --------------If you love this blog, Yule love humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.

Snark: Season Two!
2007-12-11 14:50:00
I have resumed my writing duties over at The Snark, so be sure to check out today's entry! At least somebody is doing some writing out there!----------------------------------- ------------------Also, check out this letter I received last week from new friend of CCS Darcy Plymire:I don't have a new church sign to share with you, but looking at your list of most-often submitted signs, I could not help but remember the first time I saw such a sign. It was April or May of 1969 and my family had just moved to the little town of Linville, NC. It was our first time living in the South, and we were completely unaccustomed to southern ways. So, imagine our delight when we came across a roadside church sign, in the little hamlet of Foscoe, NC, (a place that does not show up on maps but rests along NC 105 between Boone and Linville). The message was simple, and quite familiar, now. Yup, you guessed it, "What's missing in CH_____CH? UR."I am writing not just to share that nostalgic moment...
More About: Season

It's All About Tha Tribe of Benjamin...
2007-12-10 15:16:00
submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van HorneHonestly...there are no commercial considerations in the holiday whatsoever.Really.We mean it.-------------------------------------- ---------submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van HorneExcept for you...I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to make you guess.----------------------------------- ---------------"Swallowing pride won't cause indigestion."submitted by frequent contributor Emily BezaireIt might give you a nasty case of Dianetics, though...-------------------------------- ------------------"Save face. Keep the lower half shut."submitted by frequent contributor Emily BezaireSave the rest of us and cover up the upper half, too.------------------------------------- ------------Emily reports that the last two messages were on opposite sides of the same sign. So you're supposed to keep your mouth shut but swallow something while doing that. Nice advice!Speaking of Emily, anyone else disappointed that one of our top reviewer...
More About: Tribe , Benjamin

So that MySpace in Heaven is secured:
2007-12-07 13:54:00
submitted by new contributor Clayton MauritzenYes, but I'm just there for the dating scene.----------------------------------- --------------"Gas is high. Faith fill-ups are free."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunchFaith might move mountains, but it doesn't seem to work on my car.------------------------------------- -------------"Holiday musical December 15"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunchYou're a church! Couldn't you at least call it Christmas?!?----------------------------- ----------------------"Are you challenging the ordinary? Live the extraordinary!"submitted by Anna GravierI challenged the ordinary.It won.------------------------------------- --------------Thanks for everyone who responded to yesterday's request for advice regarding the Atheist website. One of the things that I like about CCS (and, quite frankly, one of the only reasons I keep it going) is that it turns into a neat confluence of people with vastly differ...
More About: Myspace , Heaven

I feel a Praise Chorus coming on...
2007-12-06 15:52:00
submitted by new contributor Rebekah HammettPsalm 118: 24. "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and not ^&%$ it up."------------------------------------- ----------submitted by frequent contributor Brett McNewAm I supposed to call that number to say my angry words? Are they just trying to prove that they can never be unsaid by recording our conversation?---------------------------- --------------------"Give thanks always. Order Christmas cookies now!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OHI know I always feel more thankful after a Thin Mint.------------------------------------ -----------"Happiness is knowing what happiness is."submitted by new contributor Carolyn BomgaarsI know: Let's just get a huge freaking inflatable Charlie Brown and stand it up next to our church sign.------------------------------------ -------------Sorry for the no-show yesterday. On top of teaching 12 and 13 year olds and being a best selling author, I am also purs...
More About: Praise , Feel

Lost in Translation?
2007-12-04 15:56:00
submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, INDIAYou should also be humble in veal. I think.Nancy says that it originally said "be strong and humble and woe will heal", and it changed to this the next day. Perhaps it was a sign vandal, but one thinks they would have changed it back immediately rather than leave it up for a while:I wonder which definition of "weal" they were referencing.----------------------------- --------------------submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, INDIADirect quote from the Bible...not bad. Except that I originally thought they were claiming they will wait until Christ returns. The context is actually God speaking to Gideon, though. Still not a bad sentiment, but perhaps misleading because of the lack of context.--------------------------------- -------------"Prayer for 250 members who never come, never give"submitted by frequent contributor Beth P.I can't imagine why they would all want to stay a...
More About: Lost , Translation , Tran

Don't make me call Vinny....
2007-12-03 16:02:00
seen here on Flickr. Directed and asst. reviewed by Ironic Catholic.At last, the plot to the long-rumored Sopranos movie is revealed.-------------------------------- --------------------------seen here on Flickr. Directed by Ironic Catholic.Only if He promises to take the top bunk.And only if He knows what a tie on the doorknob means.----------------------------------- ---------------"Beat the Christmas rush. Stop in now!"submitted by frequent contributor Stefanie SpruillIf I drive past this church at 4:30 on a Tuesday morning, do you think they still mean it?-------------------------------------- -------------------I know I promised a weekend post with pics of the new Casa Crummy...but it rained all weekend, so I'll try and do it some time this week.In the meantime, check out the all new Humor-blogs.com. Diesel has made some great changes, there are a lot more sites in the aggregated feed, plus now you can browse your favorite humor sites by category. Check it out!--------------...
More About: Make , Call

A Porpoise-Driven Life.
2007-11-30 14:02:00
submitted and Post Title by frequent contributor Tracy RoachNot a church sign, but a nativity scene. A fairly normal nativity scene, at that. Except for the fact that there are dolphins accompanying the wise men to the manger. Did I miss something somewhere?------------------------------- ---------------------"Praise loudly. Blame softly."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Jamie...and carry a BIG stick.----------------------------------- -----------------" 'That 'Love your neighbor' thing? I meant it.' - God."submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Bonnie MaisenYou can pretty much ignore the rest of the Bible, but I was being serious on this one...----------------------------------- ---------------------"Need a new life? God accepts trade-ins."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Chandler CarrikerWhat's the blue book value on a wretch like me?-------------------------------------- --------------------"Thanks and giving go together."submitted AND reviewe...
More About: Life

Maybe He'd prefer a Cruise instead?
2007-11-29 13:48:00
submitted by frequent contributor Jenny SowersI suppose it could be worse...they could have left out the "h" instead of the "t".------------------------------------- ------------submitted by frequent contributor Jenny Sowers"The Bible"...or some reasonable facsimile thereof.Bethany...care to take this one?------------------------------------- --------------- "Life: Your only chance. Eternity: Payback time."submitted by frequent contributor Steve Sensenig....starring Chuck Norris as God, with special appearances by Vin Diesel as St. Peter & Sly Stallone as the angel Gabriel.--------------------------------- ------------------"Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OHNext week, on a very special Dancing With The Stars...--------------------------------- -------------------"God blesses us all the time; why do we only thank Him some of the time?"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contrib...
More About: Cruise , Refer

OMG. R U 4 Real?
2007-11-28 13:54:00
Sign says: "Going 2 Church Doesn't Make U A Chris ti an Anymore thang o ing 2 McDonald's makes U A Hamburger."submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyI think I'd like to kick the writer of this sign right in the McNuggets.------------------------------- --------------------- "Life stinks. We've got a pew for you."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Ironic CatholicIt's not exactly "Life. What a beautiful choice." is it?-------------------------------------- -------------"When you do good, you do God."submitted by new contributor Michelle WatsonYou know what they say: Once you go God, you'll never go back.------------------------------------ -----------------A big thanks to friend of CCS (and humor-blogs member) Frogster from the Frog Bog Blog for his extremely positive review of my book. The comments section said some really nice things as well, so thanks to everyone over at the Frog Bog. If anyone else posts a review of the book on their site, send me ...
More About: Real