Crummy Church Signs

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Just thinking about it is fine.
2007-09-12 23:17:00
submitted AND asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixNOOOOOOO! And now that I'm outside it's too late!------------------------------------ -----------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixShoot. My KJV is from like the 1980's, so I guess I can't attend church here.And as for the second word on the top picture from this church....do members have to sign a waiver or something?!?----------------------------- --------------------------------"Hey Satan, the fat lady is about to sing!"submitted by frequent contributor Ironic Catholic. Seen here. Who knew that Satan was interested in watching the opening act of the VMA's?----------------------------------- -------------------"Let freedom ring: Remember the scars and stripes."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie A....and that Jesus suffered amber waves of pain.------------------------------------ ------------------"Come ascend the hill of the Lord with us."submitted AND reviewed ...
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Just remember your "Son"glasses
2007-09-12 14:00:00
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch, GAYeah, it's called a "shadow".-------------------------------- -------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch, GAI wouldn't give Him this one.------------------------------------- --"Seeing through your walls"submitted by frequent contributor Lincoln J., WA...and we like what you're wearing!!-------------------------------- --------"Credibility, like credit, is hard to repair when damaged."submitted by frequent contributor Jamie...and yet we still put crap like this on our sign.------------------------------------ ------And finally, another in an increasingly frequent phenomenon around here, non-church signs from businesses that are obviously trying to capitalize on Christianity. This one submitted AND reviewed from frequent contributor Les DuLunch.We can move anything.-------------------------------- ------------------I'm in the Top Ten again! Go vote for me...er...the best caption!-------...
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Double Your Crummy Pleasure
2007-09-11 13:47:00
Yeah, it's Tuesday so that means I'm guest posting at Central Snark. Go read my Poem of Spam.However, I am SO backlogged on church signs, that I have to put some of this crumminess out there today, or I'll never catch up. So here goes:------------------------------------ --submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixTheir having a little trouble with they're homonyms.Though I guess two outta three ain't bad.------------------------------------- ---------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixGranted, it's hard to put fine print on a church sign.Did the other side say "Grace is earned and undeserved" ?!?-------------------------------------- ---------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixI is!-------------------------------------- ---------?We don?t teach philosophy or theology.?submitted by new contributor Shauna H....but our scrapbooking classes are world famous!---------------------------------- --------------------And finally f...
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Happy Birthday Crummy Church Signs!!!
2007-09-10 14:00:00
Three years ago today, I imported my first batch of signs in from the Kudzoo Jesus website (where I had originally cataloged all this crap). Today marks the third anniversary of a dedicated website to crummy church signs.I would have never thought that there would be enough ammunition to keep this idea going for that long. I have you, the contributors, to thank for that. I see a new one every couple of weeks in my area, but almost 10 different countries and 36 different states have provided me with close to 650 different church sign slogans over the last three years. That has been enough to keep me regularly (more than once a week) blogging for the past 2.5 of those 3 years.Anyhow, a big thanks to everyone, and to mark the occasion...new T-Shirts are available, and this time they are what many of you had originally hoped they would be....stylized pictures of Church Signs with their slogans, with my snarky commentary beneath them. It was hard choosing which signs to use, but I d...
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Dem Crummy Bones
2007-09-07 15:51:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rachel Harrison, GASo quit praying about stuff, suck it up, and be a man already!--------------------------------- -----------------"We often find him outside our comfort zone."submitted by new contributor Anna GravierWho? There aren't too many guys who find there way inside my comfort zone, if you know what I mean.------------------------------------ --------------"Hem your day with Jesus and your day is less likely to unravel."Sew, sew crummy.---------------------------------- -----------------Monday is a BIG, BIG day around CCS! Look back in the archives at my very first post and you'll see why. Be sure to stop by as CCS blows out the virtual candles on its virtual cake. As they say, Three Is A Magical Number! And unlike most birthdays, CCS will be the one giving out the gifts! See you then.------------------------------------ ------------------We often find humor-blogs.com outside our comfort zone.Keep 'em coming.
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And the BBQ Sauce shall be upon His shoulders...
2007-09-06 13:46:00
submitted by new contributors Tim Canny and his sisterFor the life of me, I just cannot keep all of these sacraments straight.-------------------------------- ---------------------"Life Works Better When We Do"submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.So get a job, you lazy &%$#*.----------------------------------- -----------------------"God wants heaven full, more info inside." submitted by frequent contributor Jamie Dunbar, MSJust watch out for the Kool-Aid while you're in there....-------------------------------- -----------------"B I B L E: Basic Instructions B4 Leaving Earth""Looking 4A lifeguard? Ours walks on water."both signs submitted by frequent contributor AmandaI've reviewed both of these before. I just like how the church felt it necessary to use chat text on both of these signs. omg, lol.------------------------------------- ----------------------------Humor-blogs.c om is waiting for you to call it barbeque.Keep 'em coming.
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Wide World of Snark
2007-09-04 14:20:00
It's Tuesday, so join me at The Snark, as I mourn the worst loss in college football history and try and find a way out of rooting for my favorite team. The crumminess continues tomorrow.Keep 'em coming.
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Now that it's September....
2007-09-03 16:04:00
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixApparently, Jesus mandate to be "salt and light" had calendary limitations.----------------------------- -------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Scott GordonDid He leave me something in this will of His? Is that why I should be thankful?!?------------------------------ ---------------submitted by Jerry WebberYeah...being omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent isn't all it's cracked up to be.-------------------------------------- -------------submitted by Jerry WebberI was afraid they were going to say that.------------------------------------ --------------------submitted by Josh Axelrad, NYC...ever since He took over from that previous God that screwed everything up.-------------------------------------- ---Humor-blogs.com is no waste of the imagination.Keep 'em coming.
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Jesus was really just a Shoebox Greeting.
2007-08-31 13:44:00
submitted by Jerry WebberAnd this church cares about you enough to give you the very worst on its sign.------------------------------------ ------------submitted by Rev. Scott Gordon, OKLet us celebrate! Kill the fatted Protestant!------------------------------ --------------------Not a church sign, but still amusing. Thanks to Peter Holby:I hear this guy got the entire plumbing contract for New Jerusalem when it gets built.----------------------------------- ---Humor-blogs.com cares enough to send the very funniest.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Jesus , Ally , Greeting

...or Shark-bait?
2007-08-30 13:44:00
submitted by new contributor Rev. Scott Gordon, OKCan't I just swim?------------------------------------ ----------?God always gives His best to those who leave the choice up to Him?submitted by frequent contributor JamieI have a choice?---------------------------------- ------------Leigh Reaves also sent me a Crummy Church Name and slogan: "The Winner's Circle Church: Where champions love to gather!"All I picture is a bunch of thoroughbreds meandering around, grazing on grass with floral wreaths around their necks.Matthew 11:28: "Come to me, all ye who are winners and heavy-laden with prizes...."------------------------------ ------------------Are you a humor-blogs.com visitor?Keep 'em coming.
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Well....she IS pretty hot.
2007-08-29 02:33:00
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L., MNTheir entire hymnal is one KISS song, repeated over and over again.----------------------------------- ----------------submitted by frequent contributor Micah L., MNThis sign was the thesis statement of the congregation's push to cut the pastor's salary by 90%.------------------------------------- --------------------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Micah L., MNWhy do these signs always suck? Why do these signs always suck? Why do these signs always suck...---------------------------------- ------------------submitted by frequent contributor Micah L., MNAnd only by being on the LSD can others rise in the eyes of you.------------------------------------- ------------------"God delights at those who tremble at His words"submitted and asst. reviewed by S. SuttonSounds great. Where do I sign up for some of that?------------------------------------ -----------------Plenty more crumminess cued up for tomorrow already. Be s...
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Snark, Snark, Snark, Snark, Bacon, Eggs, and Snark
2007-08-28 14:36:00
Tuesday seems to be cycling around just about every week recently, and you know what Tuesday means around here. Guest post at The Snark. Today, I am tackling the issue of Spam. No, not that Spam. Email spam. Silly.More crumminess tomorrow.Keep 'em coming.
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Well, it's obviously not Webster's Dictionary.
2007-08-27 14:00:00
submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Ryan Geer, FLAnd here I was, fixating on the content of the Bible instead. My bad.------------------------------------- --------------------------"You are the apple of God's eye."submitted by Jamie Dunbar, MSYou are also the sunshine of His life. That's why He'll always be around.---------------------------------- ----------------"What are you doing hear?"submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y., TNWhy, can't you sea?------------------------------------- ------------"This Sunday: The Real Transformer."submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y., TNPotential visitors....transform and roll out!------------------------------------- -------------You are the apple of humor-blogs.com 's eye.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Dictionary , Well , Webster

Our pastor is quite powerful.
2007-08-24 16:01:00
submitted and asst. reviewed by Jerry Webber...right over there, next to the Slurpee machine and the lottery tickets.--------------------------------- ----------------"By refusing to say yes to God, you have already said no"submitted by frequent contributor Lincoln J., WA"Yep", says the non-Christian as he drives past this sign.Rev. 3:20:'Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. If anyone doesn't say yes immediately, I will quit knocking and leave, because that means they have already said no.-------------------------------------- ----------"Man has fallenThis is sure.Sin the cause,Christ the cure.""Signs are crummyEven when true.Rhymes don't helpTo fill the pews."----------------------------------- -----------------By refusing to say "yes" to humor-blogs.com.....Keep 'em coming.
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My Grudge Needs A Sponge Bath.
2007-08-23 14:12:00
submitted by Daniel Myers, INSounds like that darned commie Canadian socialist health care system to me!-------------------------------------- --------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Joy C., NCYour old church? Screw 'em!------------------------------------- -------------------?The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet?submitted by frequent contributor JamieOh, and the branches are sharp and the leaves are...leafy.----------------------------- --------------------------"He is the one who holds your atoms together."submitted by frequent contributor AllenWell I guess School House Rock really botched that one, then.------------------------------------ ------------------The roots of humor-blogs.com are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.Keep 'em coming.
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Who?
2007-08-22 15:00:00
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Bill BeattyYeah, God much prefers it when we chalk it up to fate, luck or karma.Joel's Note: Phil 2: 11: "...and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is....huh....I dunno...did he play second base for the Indians?"-------------------------------- ----------------submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Jerry Webber...and don't even get us started on our humility.-------------------------------- ---------------------"Alpha is coming!" submitted by Lauren JohnsonBetter Delta soon!!----------------------------------- ---------------- "God answers prayers, not advice." submitted by Lauren JohnsonWell, if Christians are supposed to strive to be more like God, at least we have the second part of this particular equation down pat.------------------------------------- -------------------"Change Brings Freshness"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Ironic CatholicThe Gospel According to Pampers.--------------------------------- ...

Just For Snark.
2007-08-21 14:24:00
It's Tuesday, which means I am Snarking today. Check out my post on the downfalls of a certain brand of television commercials.Plenty of crumminess to tackle tomorrow, and the rest of the week for that matter.Keep 'em coming.

I WIN! (...and other important stuff)
2007-08-19 00:06:00
First of all, I have finally won a caption contest over at the Mattress Police. View my glorious prize, a digitally signed photo, complete with the winning caption:Hoorah for me. Figures I'd win the one with a comic book theme....-------------------------------- --------------------Second, and most important:I wanted to share with you my father's efforts on a new Web 2.0 application called Voicethread. Those of you who know me know that my father is a great artist...those who don't know that now have a chance to view some of his work, complete with audio comments from the artist himself. Below I have embedded one of his voicethreads, which are all of his painted or drawn portraits. For real, they're really not photographs. (Well, they're photographs of paintings, but you get the idea). You will see with the subject matter of the first portrait why I am including this one, even though pops throws me under the bus with the hair thing pretty early on. Use the arrows to navi...
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You should see His Triple Lutz...
2007-08-17 13:37:00
submitted by new contributor Ryan GeerSadly, I think they have inadvertently stumbled on a new reality show idea:Coming this fall on the Trinity Broadcasting Network...."Skating with the Religious Icons"!!! Judged by Kirk Cameron, Jan Crouch, and Dick Button. Saturdays at 7 ET.Sorry, Jesus, but my money is on Hod.------------------------------------- ------------submitted by new contributor StreetFishing1 Peter 1: 15-16 "But just as He who called you is cool, so be cool in all you do. For it is written, "Be cool, because I am cool."----------------------------------- -----------------Extremely strong contributions from our new contributors today. Welcome, and thanks. Also, check out this neat little post by the Pyromaniacs that references CCS. Thanks, guys!Do they see humor-blogs.com skating on April 15?Keep 'em coming.
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Just Say No.
2007-08-16 13:40:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney, OK...and maybe you'll get stoned like the martyrs of old.Thanks to Rev. Kenney for the post title as well.------------------------------------ --------------"This Exit: Rest Area Food Eternal Life"submitted by frequent contributor Stephanie SpruillOh, and I almost forgot...Truck Stop Porn.------------------------------------ ----------------"Come on down! You're the next contestant on the Price is Life!"submitted by frequent contributor Stephanie SpruillIf Drew Carey is hosting at the "Pearly Gates", I'll take hell.------------------------------------ ----------------In other news....I'M WINNING! Go vote if you haven't yet, or if you're on a different computer than when you voted for the first time.**Crummy Church Signs Dot Com, nor any affiliated party, does not in any way endorse or promote the tactic of multiple votes from different IP addresses, except when maybe it benefits them a little bit.---------...

Sign me up for some of THAT!!
2007-08-15 13:00:00
submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Duane B., VAIs it a candlelight service because you forgot to pay your electric bill?------------------------------------ ---------------submitted AND reviewed by Duane B., VASo faith is like my Medical Benefit Plan at work?Joel's note: "Reformed Church", with that sign. Hah!------------------------------------- --------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VA"K"indness....Ok..... so what does the "Y" stand for then?!?---------------------------------- --------submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VAI didn't realize that they had ever been separated.------------------------------- -------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VASure, I punched that dude in the face, but at least I kept my mouth shut while doing it.-------------------------------------- --------------"Slow Down, heaven or hell can wait"submitted by Richard SteffyYeah, we don't really care which one is waiting on you...------------...
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Snark F.M.
2007-08-14 14:40:00
It's Tuesday again, so you know what that means...you need to visit today's guest post at the Snark. This time, I tackle those wacky morning DJ's that wake you up every morning on your alarm clock/radio. You know, the ones that you would punch squarely in the face if you ever met them. I've got a large collection of signs from Duane in VA, so be sure to tune in to Crummy Church Signs tomorrow.Keep 'em coming.

One too many "not"s?
2007-08-13 02:30:00
(Sign says "Grace is not an excuse to sin - but it is the power not to worship.")submitted by frequent contributor Mondo DavisThis sign confuses me, it will confuse any non-Christian that reads it, and from the looks of things it confused the person who was composing it. What do they call a "worship service" if they have the power to not worship? Clearly they're just putting words up there and not thinking about the complete lack of meaning behind them.------------------------------------ ------------------------ "Whether on the road or in an argument, when you see red, it's time to stop"submitted AND reviewed by Chris B., TNSo, wait. You've stabbed the person?---------------------------------- -------------- "Faith is the ability to not panic"submitted by frequent contributor Cheryl B., TNSo as long as you don't panic, you're saved!!---------------------------------- ---------------------As an aside note, the url www.crummychurchsigns.com now points directly to this blog. T...

He's a big fan of Conan.
2007-08-09 13:50:00
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L., MNMaybe He should try counting His sheep.----------------------------------- --------------------------submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Micah L, MNI hate it when I try to let a little "sunshine" out and I accidentally.....well, never mind.------------------------------------ ---------------submitted by frequent contributor Chuck S.I guess The Father's out drinking again.----------------------------------- ---------------------"God is like Dial soap. Aren't you glad you have him? Don't you wish everyone did?"submitted by new contributor Mary, FLNot only will we judge you on your lifestyle, we'll judge you on your personal hygiene as well!!----------------------------------- -----------------------"You can't have a testimony without a test."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Jennifer B. Um... okay. Doing without doesn't sound that bad to me.-------------------------------------- ---------------------"Go"sub...
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Next week: "You can't always get what you want."
2007-08-08 13:00:00
submitted, asst. reviewed, and post title by frequent contributor Ferd FerfelCrummy church signs give people just cause to have Sympathy for the Devil.----------------------------------- --------------------submitted by frequent contributor Ryan D., INDIAYeah, I've reviewed this one before. But frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy just relocated to Chennai, India, and I'll be darned if there aren't crummy church signs over there, too.For those keeping score at home, this gives us the U.S.A., Canada, Britain, Scotland, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, the Bahamas, and now India.----------------------------------- ----------------------submitted by new contributor Jessa LutzCar "accidents" are really a misnomer. Speed too much and God'll getcha.---------------------------------- --------------"Got Jesus? It's Hell Without Him."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Ironic CatholicIt's not exactly "bring the little children unto me", is it?------------------------------...
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Please hold for the Snark
2007-08-07 15:26:00
It's Tuesday again, which means I am guest posting at The Snark.Today, witness one end of a phone conversation between me and a customer "service" representative.More crumminess tomorrow. I'm a bit backlogged (company this weekend), so I'll work on getting it all "out there" in the next couple of days.Also, I am in charge of organizing and writing this week's batch of reviews over at humor-blogs. Head on over and see my handiwork.Keep 'em coming.
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Welcome. Please stand for the benediction...
2007-08-04 14:00:00
submitted by Lincoln J., WAOK, it's biblical. But it's also confusing to the average passer-by who doesn't know the verse or its context already.And the way the sign is worded, it's like it's only that Sunday. Sort of like "backwards day" back when you were in school: "Today, we're going to sing the hymns in reverse order of the verses. We'll say "amen" at the beginning of our prayers. We'll start the offering with the plates full of money and then the congregation can remove....never mind."----------------------------------- ---------------"PIG IS PORKCOW IS BEEFGOD IS LOVE"submitted by new contributor Elliot HoffmanThis sign is nuts.------------------------------------ ------------"Lost? Try GPS! G-od's P-lan for S-alvation"submitted by new contributor Mike Dean...and here I had been using Ganesh's plan all along. Silly acronymns, so confusing sometimes.------------------------------- ------------------- "It's good to be a Christian and know it. It's better to be ...
More About: Ease , Stand , Benedict

...and don't call me Shirley.
2007-08-03 15:10:00
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L., MNAnd surely He's already purchased His shuttle bus ticket outta here.------------------------------------ ----------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Micah L., MNTimely.-------------------------------- --------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Micah L., MNSo "hate" is now the equivalent to sneaking an extra bon-bon when you're supposed to be dieting?"Oh, I'm going to pay for this epithet-filled diatribe in the morning. It'll go straight to my hips."----------------------------------- -----------------------"God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called."submitted by frequent contributor Jennifer B.I woke up one morning, and suddenly I was armed with this scathing wit.I knew what I had to do next...---------------------------------- ----------------------- "Can't sleep? Don't count sheep- talk to the shepherd."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily B., TNPrayer: guaranteed to help...
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"We don't create life, we make life better."
2007-08-01 16:22:00
submitted by new contributor Eric, SCI guess there's one church that doesn't mind birth control.--------------------------------- ---------------"The church is not a building. It is a group of people coming together being the presence of Christ."submitted by Rachel Harrison, GAI guess if you're going to make a sign that long, little words like "in" are bound to get left out.I wonder how slow you have to be driving to read the entire thing.----------------------------------- ----------"Come check out our prophet sharing program"submitted by Rachel Harrison, GAI'll give you two Micah's for a Malachi...------------------------------- --------------I've finally once again made the finals of a Diesel Caption Contest (after a long dry spell). Go vote for the best caption in his Ocean's 13 Caption Contest.--------------------------------- -----------Humor-blogs.com doesn't create life, it makes life better.Keep 'em coming.
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The Self Portraiteers
2007-07-31 14:01:00
Head on over to The Snark today, for my weekly guest post.This week, it's a change of pace from my normal Crummy Letters.Instead, please for your enjoyment, the internet premiere of the mockumentary, The Self Portraiteers. Co-starring me.Enjoy.Keep your hand on the humor-blogs.comKeep 'em coming.
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