Thoughts from The HEADoc: Quest 4 Sanity

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Truth is the Light
2008-09-13 19:28:00
    Very little is quite as it seems in our reality. . . I have found that to be one of the greatest truths, yet sometimes The Headoc forgets that. There may be times when a myth or parable actually contain much greater truths than perceived reality. All great orators and teachers are gifted in using metaphorical illustration  as a means of enhancing their transfer of information. Most of the greatest humans to live were actually misunderstood during their time. Jesus was brutally nailed to a tree. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. Galileo was imprisoned for years as a heretic just for suggesting the world was round instead of flat. I won't even mention the 1960's in America. I believe in seeking out the truth in any situation and confronting that truth. By nature I have always been a risk taker which has sometimes paid off in various ways and at other times made my life more difficult. I am highly intuitive and spiritual at times. I don't care much for rel...
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Truthis the Light
2008-09-13 19:28:00
    Very little is as it seems in our reality. . . I have found that to be one of the greatest truths, yet sometimes The Headoc forgets that. There may be times when a myth or parable actually contain much greater truths than perceived reality. All great orators and teachers are gifted in using metaphorical illustration  as a means of enhancing their transfer of information. Most of the greatest humans to live were actually misunderstood during their time. Jesus was brutally nailed to a tree. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. Galileo was imprisoned for years as a heretic just for suggesting the world was round instead of flat. I won't even mention the 1960's in America. I believe in seeking out the truth in any situation and confronting that truth. By nature I have always been a risk taker which has sometimes paid off in various ways and at other times made my life more difficult. I am highly intuitive and spiritual at times. I don't care much for religious...
More About: Light

Love vs Fear (Encounters with Nature)
2008-08-17 21:30:00
     Nature can be therapeutic. . . and it doesn't cost a dime to benefit. I have made a couple of entries previously about the process of transference and counter-transference. Freud made these two concepts popular in his practice of psychoanalysis. The subject may transfer emotions on to the therapist that are associated with past encounters with significant people. An example may entail the subject subconsciously feeling contempt, resentment, or fear for their controlling and emotionally unavailable father since childhood. For the sake of interest, lets say the father recently died with those issues left unresolved which caused enough internal conflict within to motivate the patient to seek therapy. Since the primary issue with such a patient centers around problems with male authority figures this will almost certainly surface repeatedly in sessions with a male therapist. The therapist has three tools to work with: confront ideas and comments made by th...
More About: Love , Psychology , Psychiatry , Fear

I Ain't Scared Of You. . .
2008-08-10 22:45:00
  What's that light at the end of the tunnel?. . . It could be the daylight of peace and tranquility or it could be the proverbial freight train of more and worse to come, or maybe just another mirage to extend hope a little while longer. I arose this morning to learn that a favorite comedian Bernie Mac was dead at age 50 and Senator John Edwards had confessed to the rumors in The National Enquirer putting his political career in ruins, for the time being at least. These shocking realities saddened me but also caused me to realize how blessed I am. In the past couple of years I have faced the threats and realities of divorce, foreclosure, bankruptcy, death of family, business failure... Every doctor fears the humiliation of being published in the quarterly newsletter of the Medical Board for facing disciplinary intervention. We all understand that is the way the profession polices itself since most physicians are quite conscientious and feel bad when they commit a regrettable...
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Four Years of HEADoc
2008-08-01 04:58:00
 August 8, 2008 will mark the 4th anniversary of Thoughts From The HEADoc-Quest 4 Sanity. . . How cool is that? The HEADoc has thought of this journal often as a cry from the wilderness. Such a metaphor tends to speak for itself in that it was known from the start that not every potential reader would hear the messages while still others would hear what they chose to hear. Some would interpret courage and insight yet others would see foolishness or insignificance. Still The HEADoc tried to keep it real and write about subjects rarely mentioned from such a perspective as his own. The Quest was never about the personal sanity of any individual person but mostly about situations in life that can sometimes challenge that personal sanity of essentially anyone. The THOUGHTS have not been specific for Psychiatry but have been generated by one who practices Psychiatry. An effort has been  made to document original thoughts, freely associated, and of interest most of the ...
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This Too Shall Pass
2008-07-19 19:58:00
  In this life we all experience times of challenge. . . Some of us carry in our DNA a propensity to develop episodes of major depression that is most often triggered by prolonged stressful events. Such individuals cannot always control how things happen to them but they must realize that they are in full control of the response to a situation. There are always things one can do to battle the stress response. It is possible to teach oneself a form of maintenance cognitive behavioral intervention once the concept is learned through a competent therapist and enhanced through ones own self education and practiced through repeated life experiences. Our very reality as humans is driven by constant battle between our limbic system of the brain, where strong emotions are generated, and our cerebral cortex (gray matter) which we use for reasoning and logical thinking. From an evolutionary survival standpoint the drive from the limbic system has a propensity to override the logic ...
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Lighter Side
2008-07-08 07:41:00
   Had a few days off for the 4th. . . It has been really hard getting back into the swing of things. Lots of bad news lately, but I try to find silver linings where they exist. It's a bit more difficult to make fun of myself lately in my posts I suppose out of fear how it could be perceived by some. There is another side of me that really doesn't care that much what negative people think of me. My involvement with most of the patients I see continues to be as strong and positive as ever. That keeps me going from day to day as I seek additional ways to enrich my life and find the fulfillment of self sought by all humans. I find that adversity often challenges one to reconnect with or strengthen ones spiritual being and can provide enough humility to help one find perspective in ones life. So true yet so boring to write about.    I'd much rather write about my new fun activity of pulling stumps out of the ground with my 4 Runner. I never knew something so ...
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Time to Cut and Run?
2008-06-26 12:00:00
  This has been one of the weirdest weeks in my life. . . as far as the thoughts and feelings I have experienced. The predominant feeling has probably been fear and I know that if there were no fear at this time I would truly be out of my mind. The thought has dawned upon me that it isn't too late to cut and run. I could just tell every patient that I prescribe a pain medication to that I can't treat them anymore. I would still maintain over 80% of my practice. I could walk in to my hearing on August 20th and state to my accusers that the problem is solved, goodbye, hope I never see you again. No hard feelings, right? That could be the beginning of the end of my nightmare. I could then try and slip back into anonymity, even though there would still be many who would see me as that bad doctor from the smear attack who did all of those terrible things that time. At least my livelihood would be protected. I have seen during the week that the vast majority of patients, pain and ...
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Thanks to My Supporters
2008-06-21 15:24:00
I will drop the third person routine due to the seriousness of the current situation... I couldn't have made it through the last week if I didn't know there were people who supported and believed in me, so I must thank those of you who made the sympathizing comments on both sites. The situation is much like a death in that my reputation has been attacked and killed in an underhanded an unnecessary manner. When one knows they have done wrong and are caught is much different from when one makes an effort to do the right thing and others use their power and influence to make that person appear to be wrong. I don't want to use words such as "witch hunt" or "framed" but those words in a sense could be seen as appropriate. Since this has happened to me I have researched the history of the issue and read about the Harrison Act of 1914 that led to thousands of physicians being arrested and jailed for treating patients with opioid medications for medical reasons. That was almost a hundr...
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Chronic Pain Treatment (Is it Worth the Risk?)
2008-06-14 22:21:00
    It troubles the HEADoc to make today's entry. . . but he must as a matter of principle. A reporter from the local paper was courteous enough to contact The HEADoc before printing information about a Consent Order from the NC Medical Board to run this weekend. Gossip usually doesn't bother The HEADoc for he knows that the truth always wins with enough time. There are always two sides to every story with the truth usually caught up somewhere in the middle. A consent order from a board is equivalent to an indictment in the traditional criminal court but should not be equated with a criminal act. It simply states that there it has been determined that there is sufficient evidence for a case to be heard in the appropriate legal forum for the purpose of settling the complaint. The accused could be dealt with any number of ways. It could be determined that nothing further is required to remedy the situation or problem. Sometimes a doctor's license is restricted or sus...
More About: Treatment , Pain , Risk , Worth

Risk of Violence in the Workplace
2008-06-02 00:11:00
   Every now and then The HEADoc finds himself in an undesirable inescapable situation . . . Last week The HEADoc was trying to forge an alliance with the most delicate of cases; a teenager facing the difficult reality of the first psychotic break of Paranoid Schizophrenia. Failing to make a trusting bond with such a patient could adversely affect his future treatment outcome in many ways. This is the type of case that can truly test the psychiatrist's clinical abilities. As the patient made an effort to let down his psychological walls of defense for the first time, a ruckus was undeniably overheard coming from the front. The situation seemed to be escalating. It was a drug seeker unable to obtain his drug of choice from the local ER after claiming to have unlikely side effects from what he had been prescribed by The HEADoc the previous week. Profanities shouted at the nurse and receptionist along with racial slurs and demands for something to be done immedia...
More About: Workplace , Violence , Risk

HEADoc Concedes (Adventures of The HEADoc)
2008-05-19 20:36:00
The HEADoc has made the decision to concede. . .  from his 4 month one on one campaign of taming nature which he referred to as a challenging but enlightening experience that had therapeutic benefits in all 3 spheres of mental, spiritual, and physical health. The most devastating blow to the campaign surprisingly was not the 2 fires or the constant myalgia but turned out to be the escalating effects of the imminently approaching scorching summer sun in conjunction with multiple chigger bites in uncomfortable places and finally a tiny deer tick found attached with the characteristic bulls eye rash that often precedes Lyme?s disease. The HEADoc did learn that all ticks don?t carry the pathogen but even when infection occurs it is usually completely curable if treated with a course of doxycycline or amoxicillin for 3 weeks. Joe Thomas? Land Clearing of Silk Hope, NC was contacted for relief and brought in the Bull Dozer and Track Hoe. In 2 days time 2 acres were completely cleare...
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More Adventures of The HEADoc (Spay and Stay Away from Power Lines)
2008-05-04 08:23:00
My cat has lost her mind . . . and I have no training in feline psychology. She's 3 years old now. What's that in human years, 16? Erroneously I thought I could keep her locked indoors and avoid having her fixed. Not! As a kitten she once ventured outside and got lost for a couple of hours. A neighbor returned her and for the next couple of years she didn't try that again. The first time she went into heat I had no idea what the heck was happening. She also had worms at the time, so I thought her behavioral changes had something to do with that. The injection at the vet cleared up the worms and he told me not to worry about the estrace cycle. Having her spayed could take care of the problem. I procrastinated. No, I just didn't do it. I got pretty accustomed to her running to the door to greet me upon my return home from work. Sometimes she could be quite annoying by clinging to my every action. This Spring she developed a habit of running past me when I open the door. Once outsi...
More About: Power , Adventures , Lines , Stay

A Word on Stress
2008-04-02 03:26:00
What if there were no stress? There might then be no such thing as mental illness. People such as me would be out of work. I don't think I'd like living in a world with no stress at all, for our lives would become quite dull and lack excitement. I often wish that death didn't exist but then I remember that our reality is based entirely on the fact that an opposite is essential for anything to have value. Without bad, good could not exist. Without hot, there could be no such thing as cold. Without large, how could there be a such thing as small. So this world is meant to be transient. When we are aware that our time is finite, we should appreciate the opportunity to make the most of each day. I believe there is a place known as eternity and a thing known as infinity. I can't wrap my brain around the concept of either for I am contained within them both. Nothing is impossible within the realm of eternity and of infinity. If you can imagine it then it already exists. The minds of ...
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Adventures of The HEADoc
2008-03-04 05:54:00
        ;     ANOTHER SATURDAY IN THE PARK The HEADoc took his newly purchased used chain saw from the A-1 Pawn Shop in Burlington to Siler City last Saturday searching for some physical action with nature. Those poor trees and brush didn't stand a chance. On the third pull of the starter cord it broke loose and there were no tools to fix it with so The HEADoc had to go back to the bush axe and the bow saw to resume his project to reclaim the land of his birth place from the over growth that rendered the place totally unrecognizable. The HEADoc complained of pains in the back and the legs and the hands after a couple of hours of this rigorous activity. His chest felt tight from the exertion and he breathed heavily but he knew his heart was strong and the fatigue was just a result of the sedentary lifestyle he had become accustomed to over the years of practicing his healing craft. He had become a stranger to the gym and the mast...
More About: Adventures

In Treatment and Intervention
2008-02-16 20:14:00
     HBO's  In Treatment  is unbelievably believable . . . as a portrayal of a week in the life of a psychoanalyst. The usual stereotypical myths seem to be done away with for the first time in a television program. The therapist is allowed to be viewed as a human being struggling with real emotions and real problems. The beauty is how well the boundaries are defined, giving the viewer a unique window into the lives of the characters that the characters themselves don't have full access to. The viewer is allowed to see dirty laundry air in an argument between the therapist and his wife. The viewer also witnesses the therapist receiving supervision from a colleague. In one scene the therapist uses a plunger to unstop the toilet. Interpretation? I found it quite interesting when a coincidental meeting happens between two patients leading to a potential hook up right outside the therapists door. The viewer has the unique perspective of being exposed to ...
More About: In Treatment

Holiday Ranting
2007-12-15 17:17:00
    Had another birthday on the 14th. To me it was just another day. I think birthdays were invented so everyone could have at least one day out of the year to feel something special. The Christmas Holiday has always seemed to overshadow my birthday, meaning that there is already enough to celebrate. I also sometimes think that even Jesus' Birthday seems to be upstaged by the commercialization of Christmas. I hate seeing people depressed because they lack the funds to buy for their children all the things on their list. A list that is essentially programmed into their minds by corporate America. Maybe the tragic circumstances of the lead poisoning associated with the toys in China will wake some people up. My parents talked about getting a bag of fruit and nuts on Christmas morning and being happy to get that. The real joy came from the thought and not so much the cost or designer name on the gift. We all love to receive nice things but I still believe there is more ...

Let's Go 2 The Movies
2007-11-27 06:02:00
     Hope Thanksgiving was happy for all. Time off, for me, is always greatly appreciated. I Had a movie marathon over the weekend, which I tend to do from time to time. Nothing beats a well done flick when one is in the mood. Viewing can be the next best thing to traveling and experiencing. I know I'm not Ebert or Roper but I like doing my own reviews from time to time. Not that I expect them to be read or taken seriously but it just gives me something to write about. The first two times I watched SICKO by Michael Moore I'm a bit ashamed to say that I went to sleep half way through it.  It seemed like I was just hearing the same stuff I try to tell people every week and as I have said repeatedly in this blog, No one really seems to care. By the third viewing of the DVD I began to realize that the information in the film wasn't boring but that so much information concentrated into a 2 hour film was apparently causing my brain to shut down because there w...
More About: Movies , The Movies

Does Prayer Really Work?
2007-11-16 13:51:00
Does prayer really work or is it just a figment of the imagination? Most of us are really frightened of taking an honest look at such a question. Somehow we seem to fear that God will strike us down with a bolt of lightening for doubting such a thing. If one really thinks about it, it's not too hard to realize that believing that a bolt of lightning will surge from the sky with the specific purpose of incinerating a living being for a thought that person is having is just simply downright insane. I mean really. I think God would have eventually made the bolt of lightening theory one of the laws of physics, just like the law of gravity, if we were truly struck just a fraction of the times we deserved to be struck. How many people do you know that have have been struck down? Are you aware of any person that could benefit from a good jolt but just hasn't received it? In the context of analyzing this common absurdity of being struck by a lightening bolt, the question of whet...
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Reflections
2007-11-03 14:12:00
  Three days ago I clicked enter to save my entry and something went wrong. Somehow every word was deleted and lost forever. I wrote it off as an exercise in patience and tolerance since there have been times in the past when such an occurrence would have resulted in great anguish and frustration for me. I'll be more careful with today's' effort. It's hard to believe it will be a new year in less than two months. 2007 thus far has been a period that has been an endurance test for me personally. A female aquaintance recently described her impression of me as being miserable. Being quite fond of this person caused me to feel a bit troubled by such a perception for I know that is not who I am as a person. My suggestion to her was to reserve judgment a while longer. My personality traits consist of unusually high degrees of thinking, feeling, and intuition. This translates to a tendency to often react intensely to acute threats of change or actual change in circumsta...
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Metaphorically Speaking
2007-10-17 01:12:00
 The cliche', the parable, and the metaphorical figure of speech are effective means of communicating a point to another individual... I don't know what I would do if these did not exist. Once I incorporate the use of a particular phrase I tend to practice its use until one that is more fitting enters my mental collection. Of late, one of the more popular phrases that has become common is "When it Rains it Pours." This truth has been true of my own life as well as the lives of many of the patients I treat. The storms of life can at times become quite turbulent and a true test of ones faith. Many will question if they are being punished or if there will ever be sunlight again. The unknowability of a situation is what makes it an authentic and genuine life test. I have grown to believe that God and Nature cleanse us spiritually by allowing a cascade of negativity to occur in a manner that allows us to clear out all of the garbage and allow us a fresh start. The toxic people ...
More About: Speaking , Ally

Clarence Thomas Was On My Mind
2007-10-06 04:54:00
 I woke up in a bad mood this morning. I had a dream that I had finally lost my mind for good. I recall screaming and yelling and escorted from the building after talking to the bank on the phone and being told that the Attorney General had frozen my account. I then ran over a fire hydrant in a car I drove (badly) via remote control  and challenged the police and an angry mob featuring an extremely obese cop with a hypodermic needle for me. I didn't care if they killed me at first then I changed my mind and decided to run for it. I outran all of them but one or two. They finally forgot why they were chasing me. The colors were vivid reds, greens, browns, and the sun came out as the water stopped coming down. The next thing I remember was awakening with the thought in my mind of I hate Clarence Thom as . How is that for crazy? I haven't been able to get that thought out of my mind. I actually began to start to like Justice Thomas for the first time after viewing some of his...
More About: Mind , On My Mind , Clarence Thomas

Grief and Recovery
2007-09-26 07:32:00
   Haven't touched the computer to write in a two weeks and my head is about to explode with thoughts and ideas. My better entries seem to occur when it seems I initially have very little going on in my mind, just the opposite of what I'm feeling tonight. Oh well, I'll just hit the keys and see what happens. My father was buried two days ago. The whole illness death experience was one of the most difficult things I've experienced in my life. I am glad his suffering is over but it will be hard readjusting to life without his presence. It didn't really hit me hard until the actual funeral procession began. I've always had a phobia of funerals and unconsciously searched for ways to avoid them, whenever possible. One of the worst panic attacks of my life occurred at a funeral when I was a teen. I've learned much about grief since that time. Anxiety was not a problem with the loss of my father. I worry about my mother but sadness and a sense of loss has been wh...
More About: Recovery , Grief

TV NEWS vs BLOG: 3rd Anniversary Post
2007-09-07 07:13:00
  Exactly a month ago marked the third anniversary of this blog. I'm asking myself tonight why I have maintained this weekly ritual since such compliance in practically all other aspects of my life does not exist. I'm also wondering if I would continue to write so faithfully if no one bothered to read my entries. I think I just love writing and find it to be therapeutic in many ways. I probably would. I believe I have a lot to say but understand how limited the audience reached will be. In many ways psychiatrists are still stereotyped and misunderstood. I'm trying to change that as best I can. My view still remains that the total number of readers is much less important to me than the enthusiasm and degree of interest a potential reader may show. The fact that a reader from thousands of miles away can instantly share my ideas and emotions through the miracle of the Internet continues to amaze and intrigue me. Less than twenty years ago this was unimaginable. This mediu...
More About: News , Anniversary , Post , Blog

Into Each Life...
2007-08-14 03:31:00
  Not a bad day today. No substance abusers. Mostly saw real people with real problems and several no shows for appointment. The subject of grief and loss is unavoidable in my line of work, mostly because such a process is at the root of much of the unhappiness we experience during our lifetime. I'm thankful for the last couple of months even though there has been more than the usual amount of grief in my own personal life. I visited my father in the nursing home last night and talked with him during a fit of sundowning, better known as acute delirium. He's down to about 85 pounds and confined to the bed in a diaper. His hallucinations seemed a bit frightening for him but there was a child-like quality to his voice as he urged me to pull and push him through whatever place he was trying to escape. He asked me to not let him die. I asked if he were afraid to die? He replied he wasn't afraid but he didn't want to die. Here I was, the mighty physician, reduced to utter ...
More About: Life

Real Time Sicko
2007-08-04 20:10:00
I just spent an hour trying to order Real Rhapsody from the Internet when it should have taken five minutes at most. Am I really that retarded? It's just like I've always said. The world is crazy, not the individual. I set out to research why this elementary task of using a Visa could become so difficult for a reasonably intelligent person. Okay, I did mess the numbers up during the first attempt. I proof read and made the necessary corrections then re-entered them. I then received a message my address was wrong so the order couldn't be processed. I put in my address every way imaginable but still no luck. I put in my old address, still no cigar. Alas! I remembered that the bank had made an error with the street number when I applied for the card 3 years ago. I had instructed them to fix it at least 10 times over the past but the thought that they probably never had done so dawned upon me and I decided to try entering an address where I don't live and never have lived. Thi...
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Negative Perspectives
2007-07-31 14:44:00
Time for another entry, I suppose. Not feeling too inspired to write. My idea today is to just free associate a little about random topics that may only have meaning for me. Should you find this exercise meaningless and not worth reading I do understand. Maybe I'll be back on track next week.   People that trouble me         ;      &nbs p;      &nb sp;      &n bsp;      & nbsp;    Michael Vick My judgment is reserved but I fail to see the how and why he could allow himself to be associated with such activity. I had envisioned him becoming the greatest quarterback ever. He possesses the talent to become the top NFL icon. Unfortunately, that can never be because of irreversible harm to his off the field image. This scandal has tarnished him permanently, regardless of the future outcome of his career on the field. &nb...
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Sleep Disorder With Benefits
2007-07-21 16:53:00
   Healthy sleep is essential to maintaining overall good health. Missing a couple of nights of sleep can render the best of us dysfunctional throughout ordinary daily activities. In treating any mental condition sleep must be addressed, because a problem here could be the root of whatever the presenting complaint is. The exact reason we require sleep has never been scientifically proven but it is reasonably believed that physiological and psychological restoration and repair occur during sleep. The nervous system is the most complex and interactive system of the body and during waking hours it must constantly be engaged with a constantly changing environment. These changes in the environment are representative of stress which is essential for us to thrive in life but can also be deadly if managed inappropriately or it exceeds coping capacity for too long. Many people choose the escape of sleep to avoid or evade undesirable circumstances, while others find them...
More About: Sleep , Benefits , Order , Benefit , Diso

Random Thoughts
2007-06-27 17:25:00
 I'm a bit late making an entry this week due to personal circumstances. My father has somehow managed to hang on a bit longer under hospice care. I'm able to see this as a bonus since it wasn't expected and I suspect it has been the prayers of others responsible. Work seems to have brought an increase in cases of troubled teens and cases influenced by childhood sexual abuse, neglect, or abandonment. How any man could yield to such behavior is a mystery to me. Nothing troubles me more than seeing a child in distress because of the behavior of an irresponsible adult. At the top of my despicable list will always be repeated sexual offenders, deadbeat dads (or moms), and sociopathic crack users. Such behaviors are inexcusable and unacceptable, and in my opinion not part of what is considered mental illness because of such a strong voluntary component to the behavior. My age has started to show relative to the evolution of thought content and closer consideration of certai...
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Failure to Communicate?
2007-05-28 00:45:00
 The essence of effective communication. . .  requires a complete exchange of thought and feeling between at least two individuals. Understanding that is mutual is the key to communication. Ron Paul received criticism and applause during the last GOP debate between the candidates for President in 2008. The controversy was created because he chose to break rank and interject some basic common sense and truth into the debate.That is something the country has been deprived of for quite some time from many in leadership positions. Ron Paul was able to take this move because he lacks the multi-millions in campaign contributions the front runners will receive. He knows he cannot win because nice guys do usually finish last in American politics. The real irony is that he was making a proposal to return to traditional conservative values of staying out of the affairs of other countries, spending at home first, and considering communication before bombing the heck out of ...
More About: Failure , Communicate , Cate , Comm , Lure