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Can ADHD Bias Cut Both Ways?
2008-03-27 05:00:00
I always feel like I'm walking into a minefield when I talk about ADHD.  On the one hand, I don't want to diminish the problems faced by those who truly do struggle with the disorder.  On the other hand, there is legitimate concern about over-diagnosis of ADHD among boys, the possibility that classic boy traits might be mistaken for ADHD, or that long-term medication for ADHD in boys might have unexpected and negative effects.  So I want to be sensitive to those with ADHD, while still acknowledging the concerns of those who worry about over-diagnosis.  Theoretically, this shouldn't be a problem, as wrong diagnoses hurt both parties by trivializing the disorder for those who have it and wrongly treating those who don't.  Then again, theoretically, Britney Spears might join a convent and I might win the lottery.  Splitting hairs like that is generally a good way to please no one.  And yet, I'm going to persist.  Because I'm a glutton for p...
More About: Bias

Disadvantaged From Birth
2008-03-26 05:00:00
Like many people, I'm fascinated by the conflict between myth and reality.  Yes, I'm the person who e-mails Snopes.com links back to people who forward messages about nefarious corporations, sappy inspirational stories involving children and dogs, and ridiculous claims regarding financial gain.  If you truly believe that Bill Gates is going to send you thousands of dollars for forwarding an e-mail message, then I have some money in a Nigerian bank that I would much need your help to be transferring. More interesting are deeper cultural myths, and one of the classics is the stronger/weaker male/female dynamic.  It's obvious where it comes from, when one considers things like average physical strength and size.  But what is interesting is noting where the notion that boys are stronger than girls tends to fall apart, at least when it comes to issues of health. We've already mentioned things like the higher suicide rates among boys and higher prevalence of learni...
More About: Birth

The Chemical Feminization of Boys?
2008-03-25 05:00:00
Hello Again! I'm so sorry for my absence last week--we had a bit of a family crisis concerning my daughter's health.  Fortunately, it appears that she's on the mend, and after a lot of panic and stress, things seem to be returning to normal again. Even though it's the new black, I don't usually check The Huffington Post with any kind of regularity.  I guess I'm just jealous that I don't get any self-indulgent celebrity musings on my blog.  However, today, there's an interesting post there about pthalates in infant toys.  If you recall, I've posted about the issue in the past--the short version is that there is evidence that pthalates, a plastic softener found in many, many things (including children's toys) may affect the sexual development (especially the testosterone levels) of infant boys.  There is a growing activist movement against the use of pthalates in children's toys, bottles, etc. (leading to a resurgence in glass baby bottles and othe...
More About: Boys , Chemical

Finding the Model Programs
2008-03-17 05:00:00
Happy Saint Patrick's Day!  Technically speaking, I'm not Irish--although my grandmother did all that ancestry stuff before it was trendy to Irish, so who knows what she might have "discovered" had she done the geneology-thing just a few years later--but my sons are part-Irish, so I'm pretty sure I still get to celebrate by default.  Or at least mock the green beer and participate in the toasts. Anyway, today, I discovered a pretty nifty website for people looking for good youth outreach programs.  It's the Model Programs Guide from the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquncy Prevention (OJJDP--catchy name, huh?), and it offers evaluations and descriptions of a number of programs around the country focused on helping at-risk youth.  In addition, it has some helpful information about what kinds of programs are out there, and what makes a program successful.  I found it while looking for more mentoring programs for boys, and found these helpful guid...

Gangsta Caprese
2008-03-14 05:00:00
I'm not sure exactly what to say about the Cooking With Coolio web series, because against my better judgment, I'm linking it here for those of you who aren't easily offended.  I'll be honest--I thought it was a lot of fun.  But then again, I like Coolio--well, except for his response to Weird Al Yankovoic's "Amish Paradise" spoof--but, other than that, he seems like a reasonably cool guy.  (For those of you who are having a hard time placing him, you might remember him as the rapper with the braids that stuck out of his head at weird angles, and who had a big hit in 1995/6 with "Gangsta 's Paradise."  Incidentally, this was the same period that I was studying in Italy for a semester.  I really cannot describe the effect of seeing a club full of affluent white European and American students, all singing "Gangsta's Paradise" in unison and waving their fists around vaguely.  Followed by the macarena.  But I digress.) So, anyway, yes, he's...

Freakonomics Blog on Boy Crisis
2008-03-13 05:00:00
Gosh, but I loved Freakonomics .  The analysis of the economics of drug dealing eye-opening, and their explanation of why high-stakes testing in public schools encourages cheating was . . . well . . . mostly discouraging.  And I will confess that I seriously considered their section on the implications of baby-naming when I named my children.  Apparently, I am a huge dork. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because today, the New York Times' Freakonomics Blog features some thoughts on the Boy Crisis .  They don't really touch on anything that a regular reader here wouldn't already be aware of (e.g. boys are struggling/why?/what do we do about it?), but it has touched off a lively debate about the issue.  So, if you feel like stirring things up, arguing with naysayers, or just want to encourage more discussion of the issue, I suggest you check it out here.  Oh, and for the curious, my remarks on that page are at number 25, to wit: As the head o...

Ignoring the Warnings?
2008-03-12 05:00:00
I sometimes suspect that the Boy Crisis may be a bit too abstract for some people, like Third World poverty or the trainwreck that is Britney Spears.  In other words, it's easy to understand, from a distance, that something is very, very wrong, but except for a select few (like people who work for international aid organizations, or Starbucks barristas in the case of Ms. Spears) you rarely see the damage up close and personal.  So, when I tell you that according to any number of measurements, boys are slipping and in trouble, it may seem like something to be concerned about, but still distant. Unfortunately, the way these distant and abstract problems work is that you rarely realize how serious they are in time to forestall them--instead people wait and deny that the situation is all that urgent.  Until one day they're in the ballroom of the Titanic with waist-high water and Billy Zane shooting at them, wondering why they didn't realize earlier that the island of i...
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Hoist on My Own Petard
2008-03-10 05:00:00
Well, I guess I got my comeuppance for using the way men and women give directions as an illustration for possible brain differences in language development and comprehension.  Because this weekend, when trying to give a lengthy and detailed set of directions regarding where I would pick him up, my husband interrupted me to ask why I was doing this to him when I knew that his mind didn't work that way and had, in fact, written something to that effect not 3 days earlier.  Sadly, I couldn't even come up with a witty response, and, "So's your mom," somehow seemed inappropriate under the circumstances.  So that's how ingrained gender differences can be.  Even when one is aware of them, it's still hard to remember to take them into account in all of your actions. Moving on. As I've mentioned approximately 1.2 trillion times here, we get a lot of inquiries from distressed parents looking for help for their sons.  (And we're always looking for volunteers to...

Brain Differences, Language, and Bad Directions
2008-03-06 06:00:00
I don't know what people did before Google Maps.  Fight even more about directions, I guess.  As it is, even with the power of GPS and satellite mapping, my husband and I still manage to fight over directions--with the primary problem being how one gives directions.  An example: Me: We need to turn right on Oak Street.  It's about half a mile up at the light, and there's a gas station on one corner and that crappy Mexican restaurant that didn't sell margaritas is on the other corner.   Him:  Turn right on Oak Street. The problem?  Well, here's how each of us would respond: Me: But where's Oak Street?  How am I supposed to recognize it?   Him: What?  Stop.  That's way too much information.  Just tell me where we're supposed to turn. It turns out that there may be more to our differences in direction technique than the ability to annoy the other.   It seems that researchers have found more solid evidence&n...
More About: Directions , Language , Differences , Brain

Dorkiness is My Anti-Drug
2008-03-05 06:00:00
So, I signed my son up for Spring soccer today because I live in the suburbs and it's the law.  I don't know yet whether this is going to be one of those leagues that doesn't keep score for 4-year-olds, so as to help their self-esteem and so on, but no one can tell me that the parents aren't secretly keeping score anyway.  And after reading the "rules for parents" section of the sign-up process, I begin to wonder whether things like the lack of score-keeping are in place more to curb parents than to help the kids.  I'd like to think that the obsessed or over-protective sports parent was an urban legend, but when I suggested as much to my sister (a tennis coach--and a different sister than the teacher I usually talk about), she quickly set me straight.  Apparently, she even had one parent drop her son off for tennis camp with an instruction not to let him run very much because, "he doesn't like it," and, "it makes him tired."  Absent any health issues t...
More About: Drug , Anti

From the Comments: The Perils of Teaching While Male
2008-03-04 06:00:00
Well, our house has been attacked by the flu/cold bug from hell, and I'm feeling as wonderfully frazzled as you would if you had a houseful of sick people and just spent a chunk of your day taking three children under the age of 5 to the doctor.  What kills me about toddler boys and colds (having had no personal experience of toddler girls as of yet, I don't know whether the same applies to them--I let you know once infant Gigi gets bigger) is that no matter how poorly they're feeling, they still have a freakish amount of active energy.  So I still have this little bundle of flu running and jumping around the living room and trying to climb the furniture--only now he's more cranky than usual about it. It has been a long day. Today, I wanted to bring a little attention to a new comment that got added to the blog this weekend.  Unfortunately, the entry being commented on is so far back that I don't think many people will see it, and it certainly deserves some atten...
More About: Teaching , Comments , Male

Commercials Are My Anti-Drug. Also Parents.
2008-02-29 06:00:00
If, like me, you watch far too much TV and an embarrassing amount of it is of the cable reality show type (that is, if you have an informed opinion on the future of Flavor Flav's and Brett Michael's love lives), you will probably have noticed some shifts in the media strategies of the anti-drug campaigns aimed at young adults.  Among other things, in recent months, I've seen efforts aimed at getting parents more aware and involved in what their children are doing, a new campaign warning parents about the possibility and ease of teen abuse of prescription drugs, and (my favorite) a shift in anti-marijuana advertising from dwelling on possibly horrific outcomes to exploring the possibility that smoking pot can leave one as an under-employed 30-something loser who mooches off his parents.  (And who says there's never any truth in advertising?)  Honestly, I've always been something of a fan of anti-drug advertising, as it tends to be creative in its approac...
More About: Parents , Commercials , Drug , Anti

Just Some Short Notes Today
2008-02-28 06:00:00
There's an interesting debate going on regarding the efficacy of single-sex education on the Wall Street Journal's "The Juggle" (basically, a juggling-family-and-work blog).  The impetus for the discussion comes from the decision of Georgia's Greene County School Board to introduce single-sex academies--a decision that has brought them some criticism, but which I defended in an earlier entry.  It is true that I believe that single-sex programs must be introduced with more in mind than simply separating the sexes and hoping that will solve all the problems.  A truly effective single-sex program must include an awareness of boys and girls learning and developmental differences.  But I do think that such a bold and inventive solution might do a lot to help struggling students in troubled schools.  As an aside, Boys and Schools is looking for a few good volunteers to help with some internet research and data collection.  We're really working to create ...
More About: Today , Notes , Short

In Memorium
2008-02-27 06:00:00
It just came to my attention that William F. Buckley, author, thinker, and conservative icon, has passed away.  I know this is a little unusual, since I don't ordinarily use this space for such reflections, but I just wanted to take a moment to pay my respects to one of the world's great gentlemen. I first came across Mr. Buckley's writings during my college years, when I was immersed in my semi-lefty politics of trendiness.  (To my everlasting embarrassment, I did things like vote for fringe third-party candidates and may have even used the term, "the man," in all seriousness.)  In this situation, to encounter Buckley's depth of thought and witty eloquence was . . .well . . .a little frustrating frankly.  It gave me the sinking feeling that I didn't know what I was talking about and that I was expressing myself poorly to boot. Since that time, I've recognized the shallowness of many of my former positions and started treating politics and issues of policy ...

Taking On the School
2008-02-26 06:00:00
Working with parents--mostly moms, actually--who are concerned about their son's school performance, it has become increasingly clear to me that one of the biggest hurdles that parents face when trying to improve their son's grades comes in communicating with teachers and school officials.  Now, I'm not saying that there aren't bad teachers or apathetic principals out there, but the vast majority of teachers and education professionals that I've met have been dedicated and concerned about helping their struggling students.  Now, there's probably a bit of a reporting bias at work here, since teachers who contact me or come to one of our presentations are probably inclined to be concerned about boys issues.  And yes, my own sister is a teacher, and having seen her try to balance her concern for at-risk kids and her many responsibilities to the school, so I like to give most educators the benefit of the doubt--that they are usually concerned but overwhelmed and not...
More About: School , Taking

A Little Help Here?
2008-02-22 06:00:00
I made a rookie parenting mistake the other day.  When Andy (the 4 year old) told me that his teddy bear "baby" needed a bath, I was so distracted by his brother and sister that I said something along the lines of, "ok, whatever."  Oops.  I know that they're stuffed with foam and such, but those teddy bears can absorb and discharge and awful lot of water.  I think the bathroom floor is still recovering. Clearly, we all need a little help from time to time.  For example, I obviously need the Mistake Guy to jump out of the closet and sing, "Miiistaaaake," at me when I do things like absentmindedly give my son permission to wash his bear in the bathroom sink using (coincidentally) the ridiculously expensive boutique hair products I got suckered into buying.  Utilities bill aside, however, that is a small problem.  In terms of big problems, every week, I have worried parents calling or writing us looking for help for their boys.  The backsto...

Breaking News! Boys Have Feelings!
2008-02-21 06:00:00
As far as I'm concerned, this should garner a big fat, "duh," from most people who read about it, but a recent study to be published in the Journal of Adolescence reports that teenage boys are more motivated by love and a desire for relationships than by sex when it comes to dating.  I know it's a useful cliché that boys are only interested in sex--and I won't argue with the proposition that men and women often have different attitudes about sex.  But do people honestly believe that boys don't approach relationships with the same hopes and fears and emotions as . . . well . . . other human beings?  If so, I think it's time that we back slowly away from the chick-lit complaints and romantic comedy plot devices. I can honestly say that not only am I not surprised by the study, I find it a little offensive that it even needs to be said.  As anyone who has ever seen a little boy with a crush knows, boys are all about the romance.  I'm not saying (and ...
More About: News , Breaking News , Breaking , Boys , Feelings

Learning How They Learn
2008-02-20 06:00:00
Call it the burden of knowledge.  Because I know about the pitfalls that can await boys in school, I worry maybe a bit too much about how my boys will do in that environment.  Sure enough, I do my best to follow all of the Boys and Schools advice--I read to them, making an effort to find stories that appeal to their tastes.  I don't overreact to their rough and tumble play or the two-year old's determination to fight invisible foes (complete with comic book sound effects to accompany his punches).  And, knowing that language skills can develop more slowly in boys and that rushing or pressuring your sons over it will just leave them discouraged and leave you frustrated, I tried very, very hard not to worry about the fact that Mags seemed to be slower to develop language than his older brother.  (Memory is a tricky thing, however, and my husband insists that they've developed virtually at the same rate and that I'm being paranoid.  Whatever the case m...
More About: Learning , Learn

Georgia On My Mind
2008-02-19 06:00:00
I've been thinking about what I shoud say about the decision of the school board of Greene County, Georgia , to switch exclusively to single-sex academic classes.  (The students will still ride the same buses to school and the sports and band programs will remained mixed, but--from what I've read about it anyway--the academic classes will be changed to a single-gender format.)  The esteemed Dr. Leonard Sax, who generally applauds single-sex initiatives as head of the National Association for Single-Sex Public Education, has criticized the plan for not allowing students/parents to opt-out of the single-sex program, and suggested that it may be illegal. I truly do understand Dr. Sax's point and he's probably right--single-sex classes are an option, not a one-size-fits-all solution.  And it may well be a setback to the cause of allowing more single-sex programs nationwide to force students in one district to go only to single-sex schools.  (The legal issues are a...
More About: Mind , On My Mind

Do Baby Boys Cause Depression?
2008-02-15 06:00:00
Well, considering the response to my yesterday's entry about obesity and sleep, I just have to add that when the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Now then.  There has been a lot of internet chatter going on lately about a study from France indicating that women who give birth to boy babies tend to suffer greater incidences of post-partum depression and generally report a lower quality of life than those that have girls.  Moreover, this finding was apparently unaffected by whether it was the first child or a subsequent child--if you are a Frenchwoman who just had a boy, according to this study, you're going to be feeling much worse about things than if you'd had a girl. I'm not going to go leaping to a bunch of conclusions about the implications here because we are looking at only one study with no real information about why this trend (if it really is widespread) exists.  What exactly is it about having a boy child t...
More About: Baby , Depression , Boys

Sleep and Obesity
2008-02-14 06:00:00
It seems like most every parent I meet is tired and a little sleep-deprived.  Not just those with newborns either--I sometimes wonder whether anyone gets enough sleep.  Goodness knows I don't.  I'd like to blame it on the baby, but deep down I know that it comes from that urge to make the most of every minute you can once the kids are in bed.  Come on, I can't be the only one who ever stayed up until 3 am watching a bad trilogy of kickboxing movies featuring that guy from "Step by Step."  (Yes, the early '90s sitcom with Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers.  Yes, I'm talking about the non-Jean-Claude Van Damme entries in the Kickboxer series.  Yes, I am quite embarrassed to be admitting all of this.) Anyway, moving past my wretched taste in late-night TV, it turns out that there may be a correlation between insufficient sleep and childhood obesity.  Researchers from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that more sleep lowere...
More About: Obesity , Sleep

Books For Boys--The Fun of "General Ignorance"
2008-02-13 06:00:00
It has been a while since I did a books-for-boys recommendation, but I've been reading something fun lately that I really want to pass on--it's The Book of General Ignorance by John Lloyd and John Mitchinson.  When you look at the kinds of books that we recommend to help get boys reading, you'll notice that in addition to things like adventure stories or action-oriented books, we also recommend non-fiction, as boys often prefer it to fiction.  (Honestly, aside from a weakness or political thrillers and an embarrasing predilection for a certain historical romance writer, I tend to prefer non-fiction myself.)  Generally, I suggest that people look for non-fiction works that appeal to a particular boy's interest--sports biographies or journalism for the athlete, military history for the ones who are constantly engaging in mock battles, and so on.  However, some books have a wider appeal, and I think The Book of General Ignorance is one of them. The format is a s...
More About: Books , Boys

The Maine Thing
2008-02-11 06:00:00
These things are probably connected in some way, but I very rarely get calls for help from areas that have a lot of educational options for parents.  So, three cheers for Thornton Academy in Maine , which has joined the list of schools and school districts experimenting wtih single-sex programs as a way to help close gender-based achievement gaps.  Note too, that despite the fact that the gap was a particularly strong one at this school, with girls outperforming boys on the writing test by 37 points and dominating most academic achievement, there was still resistance to the experiment from the school's own faculty.  Note too, that the resistance came from virtually the same objections that always arise with such proposals--a general "principle" against single-sex education or the fear that it will somehow transform into separate learning tracks for boys and girls.  I can understand the latter concern slightly better, though I would argue that with responsib...
More About: Thing

Fast Fluff
2008-02-08 06:00:00
How about some fluff today?  Excellent.  I'm so glad you approve. Not that my boys eat a lot of chicken nuggets or anything--needless to say, I feed them nothing but locally-raised organic kale, lovingly harvested by virgins who also volunteer at the local soup kitchen.  However, time, family, and activities being what they are, even the best-intentioned of us find ourselves sitting at the drive-though rather more often than we might like.  I know that whenever I do, I always feel a little guilt about it--especially when I've just written a piece about fighting childhood obesity.  Still, while I'm not going to go so far as to pretend that a fast food diet is totally harmless, I'm also not going to condemn people for having a treat once in awhile or going with the best alternative on a busy day.  That said, thankfully lots of fast food places are starting to offer alternatives--especially on the children's menu, where you can often find fruit to su...
More About: Fast

Brittle Bones
2008-02-06 06:00:00
As every parent knows, there are things that you find yourself saying once you have kids that you never imagined you would ever find the need to say to anyone.  Things like, "please stop putting those cars in your pants," and, "no, we don't take off our clothes in public."  (Ok, that last one might get more use than I'm aware of.)  I've definitely had one of those days--one of those, "Why did you stick that in your nose?" kind of days.  The kind of day where you find your husband's old cell phone in the dryer, having accidentally put it through the wash because it never occurred to you that you should check your pre-schooler's pants for old cell phones.  (Sorry, sweetie.)  I know, I know.  By now I should be aware that having little ones means that you should always check your son's pants for old cellphones (along with dried leaves, old tissues, random legos, and the missing piece of the DVD remote), but I just didn't think of it. At any rat...
More About: Bones

The Mix is in the Messages
2008-02-04 06:00:00
Ok, I can't possibly be the only one who still likes the Puppy Bowl, can I?  Seriously?  It's not like I pre-empted the actual game for it--just some of halftime.  Anyway, on to today's topic. As a chick, I have had years of super-duper positive reinforcement about feeling good about myself and my body, not letting looks define me, etc., etc.  (The lack of effectiveness of this advice, my own neuroses, and the irony of putting out this message in a world where Tyra Banks seems to feel that she's a courageous advocate for a healthy body image at the same time that she hosts America's Next Top Model are beside the point here.)  My point is that the, "Love and Accept Your Body," school of encouraging girls is an old one, and I have yet to see any kind of remarkable trend towards women embracing a healthy body image.  So when I saw a small note--from Forbes of all things--about how to encourage boys to be happy with their bodies, my heart sank a bit.&n...
More About: Messages , Mess , Ages

Shipping Up to Boston
2008-01-31 06:00:00
I used to be a waitress.  I think there's some kind of law about having to be a waiter/waitress at some time in your life in order to balance your cosmic karma.  Anyway, one of the things that you notice when waiting tables is how much people seem to prefer complaining to praising.  In general, people are much more likely to ask to see your manager to complain about how you forgot to bring them extra ice than they are to praise what a great job you did.  This is not meant to open a discussion on how huge a crime it is to forgot one's extra ice or how many jobs there are that are worse than waiting tables, or even how some days the world seems to be full of complaining jerks.  My only point is that sometimes we (and I do mean all of us--or at least myself) are too apt to criticize and too slow to praise. So today I want to praise the vision and ambition of the Carol Johnson, Boston 's new Superintendent of Schools, who recently announced a sweeping series o...
More About: Shipping

No Scents
2008-01-30 06:00:00
Honestly, sometimes I feel like I could post every day about some ridiculous disciplinary overreaction, and that 90% of the time, the student victim of the zero-tolerance abuse would be a boy.  Take for example the case of an unnamed 14 year-old from Lewisville, Texas, who recently had delinquency charges pressed against him--and then dropped--by local prosecutors for sniffing his teacher's hand sanitizer.  That's right--this poor boy worked his way through school disciplinary action, a police investigation, and nearly to court before prosecutors decided that taking a big ol' whiff of Purell may not be against the law. Admit it, you think I'm exaggerating here.  No one could possibly find something amiss in a kid's smelling of hand gel, could they?  (Well, I do find something a little amiss, inasmuch as hand sanitizer smells like drunk cartoon flowers, but some people like the smell of Axe Body Spray, so what do I know?)  But no, that's exactly what ha...

Admiring the Boneheaded Mistake
2008-01-28 06:00:00
I'm sure that my husband is going to be less than thrilled with my sharing this, but once upon a time, he shot a BB pellet into his palm.  Those of you who are male or who have known males will not be surprised to hear that the reason that he did this was to show me that my fear of his BB gun and objection to his shooting cardboard boxes in our bathroom was overblown.  I believe that he was demonstrating that you can even shoot yourself without any major problems, forgot that he had already pumped up the gun, gave it a few more pumps, and voila--a small metal BB stuck right in the fleshy part of the hand at 1am on a Sunday night.  After he dug it out with a butter knife or similar home implement (he used to be in the Army, so he's weirdly casual about things like this), he asked me for the hydrogen peroxide and band-aids.  I told him we didn't have any.  And he said, as best as I can recall, "how can we not have band-aids when you know that I'm like...

Basics and Biases
2008-01-25 06:00:00
Getting into the "why" of the Boy Crisis is a complicated thing, with so many interwoven cultural changes and influences that it can be hard to separate them out to an actionable solution.  And I'll admit that this is one of the reasons that I don't use this space to endlessly philosophize about how we've gotten to where we are--I'd like to focus on the cure, not the disease.  But if we're going to be serious about addressing the problem, we do need to take a good look at what has brought us to this point, so as to better understand the scope of the issue.  So when I see someone with a particularly good or interesting take on the Boy Crisis, I do like to bring attention to it.  Marty Nemko's piece in the New York Post is a good example of an unflinching look at the Boy Crisis in education.  For starters, consider his examples of how schools have become more girl-centric and less boy-friendly: *Competition, a prime motivator for boys, has largely ...
More About: Basics