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Boy Scouts Take On Bullying
2008-01-23 06:00:00
There is a tendency in some circles to dismiss the recent efforts to deal with school bullying as unrealistic or "feel-good" nonsense.  In part, I think that the situation may be exacerbated by stories about fringe programs that characterize boys as natural bullies or by remembrances of the important life lessons inherent in learning to stand up to bullies.  However, I think that it's a mistake to be dismissive of the bullying problem or of efforts to address it.  Consider the fact that the majority of those students who report being bullied are boys, and that boys are much more likely to be the victims of physical bullying.  Consider also the fact that bullying is extremely detrimental to the school experience--how can a student who spends his school day full of fear and worry be expected to devote the necessary time and attention to his studies.  When a child is afraid to go to school, we've passed the learning experience stage and entered...
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Boys on the Radio
2008-01-22 06:00:00
Just wanted to let y'all know that Michael Baisden is scheduled to cover the Boy Crisis on today's radio show.  (Check the website to see which stations carry the show.)  He'll not only be discussing the crisis in general, but also as it affects black boys.  (A lot of critics like to claim that there is no Boy Crisis--that the achievement gaps are only about race and socio-economic conditions.  But when you look at the data, you find that the problem truly does transcend racial boundaries--though the gaps can also increase based on factors like race, parental education, etc.) At any rate, it's great to see people starting to give the issue the attention that it deserves.
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Classroom Prejudices
2008-01-21 06:00:00
If you were the tiniest bit aware of the great Girl Resurgence of the 1990s (my nickname for the new feminist wave that combined girl power feminism with a huge helping of "studies" about the different ways that girls are disadvantaged in modern Western culture), you probably heard all about how teachers favor boys by calling on them more often in class.  Now, I admit that I love to criticize social science studies--especially their conclusions and methodologies--but of all the flawed findings put to poor purpose, that one may take the cake.  On the mere evidence that teachers tend to call on boys more often, we are supposed to make the leap that girls have been tremendously damaged, without consideration of girls' advantage in test scores and grades.  We don't even pause to wonder why the boys are getting more attention, to distinguish between good and bad attention, or even to find out if it matters.  No one questions any of it because the finding fits i...

Success for South Carolina
2008-01-17 06:00:00
So . . . um . . . I know that saying, "I told you so," is widely considered to be extremely annoying and smug, and is a generally unattractive trait . . . especially among those on the wrong side of the telling.  But I just can't restrain myself from dishing out a big heaping serving of, "I told you so," to all of those who whined and moaned about the South Carolina experiment with single-gender classes.  You might remember these classes as part of the experiment in learning that certain alarmist feminist-types claimed was going to send us back to the Dark Ages of barefoot and pregnant women fetching twigs for the family fire, while their coarse, paternalistic husbands chuckled cruelly and demanded to have their feet washed.  (I may be paraphrasing a bit here.)  After all, who knows what evil can ensue when one uses things like references to make-up to teach girls? So what happened?  Well, it turns out that students really enjoy the classes.  According...
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A Tale of ADD Misdiagnosis
2008-01-16 06:00:00
There were a bunch of things I was planning to talk about today.  (Including a digression on how only a little boy, given a scrap of dough to play with post-baking, could invent a game that sent the dough lump screeching around corners, sending powdered sugar flying in its wake, to crash into another lump of dough with all manner of sound effects.  And then take a bite out of it.)  However, while I was procrastinating earlier today, I came across this article in the LA Times (link may require registration) about LA Clippers Center Chris Kaman, who recently learned that he was misdiagnosed with ADD as a child--at age 2 1/2 no less.  It's quite a story, but for you non-link-followers, here are a few highlights: Pamela Kaman can recount all the times she struggled with her son, Clippers center Chris Kaman, to get him to take his medication while he was growing up. It was a hassle. Chris Kaman was an intelligent, but rambunctious, youth. "There was constant uproar ...
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New Feature--I Respond to Readers' Comments!
2008-01-15 06:00:00
Since we get some thought-provoking comments and questions here, I thought it would be a good thing to address them from time to time.  So I'm hereby starting a new feature, called "Malia Responds to Blog and Site Comments and Questions."  Yes, I think the name needs a little work. Anyway, I'll quote the first comment in full (unfortunately, it is unsigned, so I won't be able to properly attribute it): Don't you disdain masculinity, at least in part? Isnt a part of contemporary American masculinity that men shouldn't study hard, do well in school, exercise, or eat well? That they should play too many video games, kill themselves and one another? You seem to accept that in many cultures, if not ours, that masculinity involves opressing and mistreating women? You're opposed to that as well, right? I think that to whatever extent Paglia's beliefs about manliness actually form a coherent and rational belief system it's one aimed at holding men back rather than actuall...
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Unintended Consequences
2008-01-11 06:00:00
There are interesting and important things going on in Baltimore right now.  For one thing, they're still conducting the search for the new head coach of my occasionally-beloved Baltimore Ravens, which I'm trying to be patient about because, of course, getting the Ravens another Superbowl is only slightly less crucial than achieving peace in the Middle East.  Probably more interesting for those who don't follow football, however, would be the recommendations of the city's task force for ways to help combat childhood obesity. Two recommendations in particular caught my notice--that playgrounds be required at all elementary schools and that the city focus on creating safe areas for children to be physically active.  Though there may not be a direct correlation, I do find it interesting that recess has been disappearing from schools while childhood obesity has increased.  My concern about recess originally stemmed from the fact that depriving boys of t...
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Patriarchal Nonsense & Other Musings
2008-01-10 06:00:00
Well, this morning the baby spit-up on my new cashmere pants, and Mags is experimenting with replying, "no," to everything I say to him.  So I'm feeling a bit crotchety at the moment.  This is not helped by the knowledge that it wasn't my brightest decision ever to wear brand new cashmere pants around the baby, as knowing that you're responsible for your own misfortune doesn't tend to do much for your mood.  So I'm going to begin by venting my spleen on the anti-male strain of feminism.  (Yes, I continue to obstinately separate feminism into different parts, since I'm not willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater, to use a somewhat inappropriate metaphor.) What brings this to mind is Camille Paglia's recent criticism of Hillary Clinton as having a, "disdain for masculinity."  To be honest, I'm not enough of a student of Clinton to say have an opinion on the accuracy of Paglia's assessment.  I am, however, familiar with the attitude that ...
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It's Mentor Month!
2008-01-08 06:00:00
My husband (who I hope will forgive me for telling stories about him on the internet) seems to have some natural ability to attract mentors.  And a good thing too, as he grew up in the kind of blighted urban inner-city neighborhood that can be very hard to escape.  But as a boy, he was lucky enough to meet adults (mostly teachers, coaches, and the like--and mostly men) who encouraged him to break out of the cultural traps of his environment, do well in school, and make something of himself.  He joined the Army, where he met other mentors to help him succeed there, and seems to have a knack for finding them.  I'm not sure why--I mean, I often want to tell him what to do, but I'm pretty sure that's not the same thing.  Anyway, my point here is that he has always been grateful to the many people who have helped him, as he recognizes that his prospects--had he not worked so hard to get out of that neighborhood--would have been bleak indeed.  And there a...
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Not Just a Game
2008-01-04 06:00:00
Over on today's Wall Street Journal Taste Page, there's an article about the slow, addictive creep of video games for adolescent boys--a parent's account of how it can sneak up on you and an appeal to parents to be more wary of it.  Though I have often defended gaming and actually like games a great deal, I think the author has a good point.  I worry about the long-term effects of what can become near-obssessive gaming.  I've heard it defended as a hobby, and I've heard claims that the social interaction one has in online games is every bit as healthy and fulfilling as ordinary in-person contact.  I cannot possibly be the only person who finds that thought royally disturbing, can I?  I can identify with the author's worry over watching his gaming sons become more withdrawn, less active, and sleepier.  I myself wonder how many productive man-hours are lost nationwide to people who stayed up too darn late playing video games.  (I have my o...
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Resolution Time
2008-01-02 06:00:00
Happy New Year! I will confess that I am terrible about my New Year's resolutions.  In fact, I stopped making them many years ago, as it was always too depressing to contemplate how briefly I'd kept them.  Still, a new year is a good time for evaluating the past and making plans for the year to come, so I thought I'd share just a few things that I want to work on or see happen in the coming year. 1.) Some website updating.  Yes, I know the blog comment feature is maddening.  I definitely want to get the software updated for the blog and keep the website material fresh and relevant.  I'd also love to see some super-cool cutting edge-type features like podcasts or videos added as well. 2.) Serious discussion of the boys' crisis in public policy debates.  Since 2008 is an election year, it's time for the pandering to begin.  Of course, boys are never really an object of pandering, since those of us concerned about boys' issues are not generally...
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Incomplete Messages
2007-12-28 06:00:00
In the comments to my last post, someone pointed out how frustrating it is that, as a culture, we worry a lot about the messages we send to girls, but not the messages we are sending to boys.  I can't really do better than to send out an, "Amen," to that.  Heck, I'm not even sure that (outside of certain circles, at least) there's been much thought at all about what messages we send boys.  I've seen ripples of concern about rap lyrics or video game violence--though they tend to be more focused on kids and society than boys in particular.  And there are Jeff Zazlow's excellent columns for the Wall Street Journal exploring the social consequences of the fear of men.  But there haven't been many people out there talking about our social messages to boys.  (Excluding, of course, specious arguments about social roles and pressures on boys meant to prove some point about, "gender as a social construction," and generally harnessed to wishful feminist the...
More About: Messages , Mess , Ages

What Ails Me
2007-12-26 06:00:00
We--or perhaps I should say Santa--got my oldest (3-year-old) son a play doctor's kit for Christmas.  He's big on playing by mimicking adult behaviors, so I knew he would get a kick out of pretending to be a doctor.  I may not have thought it through thoroughly, however, as in the last 24 hours or so, I have been subject to an impressive battery of medical tests and enough pretend shots to never again be a victim of pretend measles or the dreaded pretend chicken pox.  Moreover, Dr. Andy is ably assisted in his check-ups by his 2-year-old assistant, Dr. Magnus, who specialized in making you say, "Ahhh," while sticking things in your mouth.  I've tried several times to sic them on their father, but they seemed to be more concerned about my pretend health for now. Even though it's a toy, watching them play did make me think about the importance of setting high expectations for boys.  I didn't get him this toy because I want him to be a docto...

Peace on Earth and Goodwill to Men
2007-12-21 06:00:00
With Christmas coming up, I feel as thought I should say something profound and atmospheric about the holiday and being a mom.  Unfortunately, my mornings all begin with Magnus, my toddler, coming into my room, getting into bed with me, snuggling for approximately 17 seconds ("awwwwww"), and then turning into the squirmingest creature on earth.  Seriously, the child is built like a tank--a very small tank with legs--and this morning he accidentally head-butted me three times. The point being that starting your mornings in such a way tends to discourage profundity.  And it hasn't done much for my holiday spirit either. Still, I look forward to making cookies with the boys, as I always feel like theire's something soothing about baking.  For me, it's one of those traditions that forces my memory to page through all of my years of cookie making, from when I was just old enough to give things a few stirs and decorate cookies to when I was finally entrusted wi...
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Are You Curious?
2007-12-20 06:00:00
I'd like to say a few words in support of Curious George, lately a real favorite at our house ever since we brought back The New Adventures of Curious George from the library.  My boys immediately developed a real love for the George stories, and as I think it's generally worth taking note of why a particular book goes down especially well with them, I gave some thought as to why it was such a hit. 1.) It's about a monkey, and who doesn't love monkeys?  Really, it's as simple as that.  Monkeys are cool.  (And, as a bonus for parents, it's not about bunnies, bears, or puppies, who seem to really dominate the animals-that-act-weirdly-like-humans storybook genre.  What's more, aside from having emotions and impulses like a human child, George is most definitely a monkey in a human world, which saves you as the parent from being sidetracked during storytime on inappropriate musings on inter-species dating in BunnyTown or how bears can pack ...

In Which Malia Faces the Demons of Un-Coolness
2007-12-17 06:00:00
I usually save my shilling for the end of the day's entry, but in the spirit of the holidays and charity and such, I'm just going to come right out with it at the beginning.  There are a whole bunch of innovative individual "sharing" type fundraising/awareness drives going on right now, and I would like to urge you to help spread the word about Boys and Schools and help us raise funds to keep our programs going.  (And expand them as well.  We get lots of requests for help and information from all over the country and could really use your help in getting those resources to the parents and schools that need them.)  Boys and Schools is listed as one of the "causes" on Facebook--you can visit the page here, so if you have a Facebook account, please join, donate, post, and share with others.  In addition, you can benefit Boys and Schools by donating (and encouraging donations) to the Men's Health Network through the Network for Good and America's Giving Chal...
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Falling From Grace
2007-12-14 06:00:00
One of my earliest memories is standing on a chair at Memorial Stadium, watching the Orioles play (I think their opponents were the Pittsburgh Pirates, but I'm not sure), and shouting "Eddie, Eddie" for Eddie Murray like my dad had taught me.  I'm not going to get all misty about baseball's noble place in our national consciousness, but these things do matter.  So you can imagine how disappointed I was to hear that the O's had 18 players listed in the Mitchell Report's Hall of Steroid Shame. We can go around and around about whether sports stars should be role models for boys, but it's all academic at some point.  The fact of the matter is that sports stars are role models, whether we like it or not.  Heck, when I was a (very) little girl, I wrote a report about how Chris Evert (Lloyd--at the time) was the person I most admired.  To see so many athletes so dismissive of how important they can be to young people is depressing.  And to see winning a...
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The Unequal Playing Field
2007-12-12 06:00:00
Humiliating anecdote time.  A long time ago, when we were first dating, I challenged my now-husband Jim to a basketball game.  Some important background: Jim was 21 years old, came from the streets of Akron, Ohio (home of LeBron James), had played varsity ball in high school, and would later go on to join the team at West Point.  I had played tennis and run track, but never played team basketball.  I did have a fair bit of playground experience, but had only played a few “real” basketball games; I am also of above-average height, and at the time was in decent athletic shape.  (Sigh.)  Obviously, a strict head-to-head match would be unfair, so we agreed that we would play to 11, that I would start at 10 and he at zero, and that he was only allowed to shoot 3-pointers.  In essence, we had bet over whether I could hit just one basket—from anywhere on the court—before he hit 12 shots from beyond the three-point line.  I thought that this seemed fa...
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Scrap It and Start Again?
2007-12-11 06:00:00
Like many people this time of year, I've been doing a lot of Christmas shopping and listening to a lot of Christmas music, so I think that I am eminently qualified to declare The Christmas Shoes to be the most irritating seasonal song of all time.  I know that you may be thinking, "But Malia, how can you say that when one considers the depressing Another Auld Lang Syne, the smugness of Do They Know It's Christmas, or the unbearable repetition in Jingle Bell Rock?"  Good points, all.  But (to steal shamelessly from Oscar Wilde), one has to have a heart of stone to hear about the Dickensian urchin buying shoes for his dying mother without laughing. I know that this has little to do with boys--though I could go on at length about how the boy in that song bears no resemblance to any boy I've ever met--but I had to get that off of my chest before it drove me mad.  No worries, there's important and relevant stuff to come.  Consider it the lighter moment before...
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What Would You Like to Eat and Here's Your Monkey
2007-12-07 06:00:00
One of the funny things about having kids is seeing them emulate things that you do.  Most of the time it's funny, as when my boys decide to play restaurant.  (Thus demonstrating that we probably eat out way too much.)  Of course, they put their own spin on things, and like to play Restaurant/Pet Shop, so that my husband, looking in on them to see what they were up to was greeted by, "Hi Daddy.  What do you want to eat and here's your monkey."  Sometimes, however, the games your kids play can reveal more about what you're modeling for them than you realize.  My whole family still teases my sister for the way that her daughter started playing "Debit" with an old card and adding machine at age three. Of course, along with the good, innocuous, or quirky habits, there are also the bad habits that they can pick up from you.  My oldest son's know-it-all attitude springs to mind, though my husband and I might disagree on who's responsible for that on...
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A Moment of Silence
2007-12-06 06:00:00
I would like to offer our deepest condolences to the families of those killed in the mall shooting in Omaha.  I know that I'm just a stranger at the far end of a bunch of wires and cables and electronic pulses, but I think that these tragedies touch us all in some way.  I'm willing to be persuaded that it's a trick of media coverage, but it seems like these mass public shootings--school or otherwise--seem to happen more and more frequently.  Even more frightening is that the shooters seem to be aware of that media coverage and even covet it.  Meanwhile, the rest of us look at each other in distress and ask the great, ananswerable, "why?"  Unanswerable because there is no rational explanation for why a young man would turn a gun on a group of innocent people.  Sure, there will be plenty of people at the ready with theories about social estrangement or psychological problems.  And I'm not saying they're all wrong.  But the theories always s...
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Fading Fatherhood
2007-12-05 06:00:00
It is very, very cold today.  Even though I've already turned up the thermostat high enough to seriously bring into question both my commitment to the environment and to reducing our electricity bill.  Anyway, I'm looking forward to my husband's return from work, in the hopes that he'll be able to stem the tide of toddler energy racketing around the house at present.  Yesterday, he spent quite a while horsing around with the boys, and as I watched them play, I couldn't help but notice the little lessons that are embedded in the fun.  Things like winning and losing gracefully, not giving up when things get tough, and working together as a team.  They were subtle, but they were there, and it gave me a nice moment to reflect on all of the little gifts that fathers give their children. And so, I was terribly saddened by this recent British survey, which found that more boys saw athletes as role models rather than their own fathers.  Actually, the surve...
More About: Fatherhood , Fath

Suit Yourself
2007-12-04 06:00:00
My boys spent a good part of today playing The Falling-Down Game.  I know that's what it's called because when I asked what on earth they were doing, Andy piped up cheerfully with, "We're playing the falling-down game."  It goes more or less like you'd think it would, only with plenty of sound effects.  They're not kidding when they say that boys have a greater liking for rough-and-tumble play and a different way of evaluating risk. I noticed The Falling-Down Game in particular because it distracted me from my e-mail and all of the trouble in the world.  One thing in particular that I found curious was this story about a 14-year old boy in Australia who is suing the Department of Education for failing to teach him properly.  The boy in question seems to have a long history of behavioral and other kinds of troubles in school (including ADHD), but has reached this point with abysmally low skills and is now barely literate. The article touched on two ...
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School Lunch Blues
2007-11-30 06:00:00
The fact that I got both boys to take a nap--in the same room, no less!--just got me a commendation from the furnace repair guy.  (As an aside, why does the furnace have to break down right as it begins to get really cold at night?)  And I must admit that it is indeed a good day when they nap well.  True, it does give them more energy for the evening, and lowers the odds of experiencing the fun of watching Mags fall asleep over his food.  But the trade-off in terms of whininess and fighting and the sweet, sweet afternoon silence are totally worth it.  If only it were easier to accomplish. And, while I'm thinking about food battles--and, as the mom of a toddler and preschooler, I think about food battles most of the time--a recent study from Minnesota seems to disprove the common claim that offering healthier and more nutritious school lunch options will result in lower lunch sales or increased food costs.  In addition to finding no drop in lu...
More About: Blues , Lunch , School

Milk and Sunshine
2007-11-28 06:00:00
Since modern parenting seems to be fraught with new and exciting opportunities to worry, I sometimes hesitate to bring attention to yet another cause for concern.  Though I have my own opinions about risk, rational worry, and the culture of fear we seem to live in, I also can recognize that all of the statistics in the world can pale beside the possibility (however remote) that your child could get hurt, sick, or worse.  So everytime I come across another worrisome trend or study, one part of me always pauses and wonders if I am doing the right thing by bringing attention to it.  We put so much pressure on being the perfect parent sometimes that I would hate to think that I'm contributing to the problem.  On the other hand, this is an organization dedicated to helping boys, and overlooking various issues because they might make some people feel bad is also a questionable move.  So I generally err on the side of presenting information and letting people make...
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Too Young to Learn to Read
2007-11-27 06:00:00
For all that I attempt to interest him in books, my two-year-old simply has a limited interest in sitting down and reading.  I do what I can (and recommend to others) in order to keep at it--namely, making an effort to find books that interest him, not forcing him to sit still while being read to, looking for ways to make reading interactive, and so on.  But the fact remains that, while he may be content to listen and look at pictures from time to time, generally, he'd much rather be playing with his balls or trucks or just generally tearing around the room in a destructive manner than to sit quietly with a book. And that's fine with me.  He's only two, after all.  But I do admit to a little worry about the future.  I speak with a lot of other mothers of preschool and kindergarten-aged children, and their less book-ish boys seem to be having an increasingly difficult time in the more book-ish modern preschool classroom.  It's not unusual to find ear...
More About: Read , Young , Learn

A Downside to the Stay-At-Home Dad?
2007-11-26 06:00:00
I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving weekend.  Things went well at our house, with only the mildest arguments about what makes for superior gravy, stuffing, and pie.  Our fridge is still full of leftovers, but the boys (and my husband) have rebelled against yet another turkey-based meal, so it looks like we'll be having tacos for dinner.  My sons are currently bonding with my husband over his new video game, Rock Band, which comes with a drum pad, guitar controller, and microphone and allows players to compete as a sort-of karaoke virtual band.  Both boys are so fascinated by the drum set that there is a pretend rock concert going on in my living room almost constantly.  On the bright side, they're just rubber pads, not actual drums, and at least they're learning a little bit about rhythm and counting.  Also, little kids make up some hilarious songs.  Yesterday, Andy spent about 20 minutes on his own rendition of "Convoy."  Yes, the '70s...
More About: Home , Stay

Happy Thanksgiving!
2007-11-21 06:00:00
With Thanksgiving coming tomorrow, my kitchen is currently a disaster and my house has that spicy-sweet smell that accompanies pies and stuffing.  Actually, cooking with my boys around has been a lot of fun.  It's exactly the kind of hands-on activity that includes a great undercover teaching component.  There's counting, measuring, and reading--not to mention the sense of pride and accomplishment that follows.  My mom used to question my focus on making sure that my boys can cook, but this is a valuable life skill we're talking about here.  And for those who think that knowing how to cook is a "girl" thing, allow me to present Gordon Ramsey as my counter-argument.  (Or, if you're not so big on the cursing and yelling, how about Thomas Keller or Bobby Flay?) Anyway, I want to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving.  I myself am giving thanks for my wonderful family (especially my boys), for the good people at the Men's Health Network for start...
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Picture Imperfect
2007-11-20 06:00:00
Images like the ones from this article are probably the reason that I spend so much time refuting accusations that wanting to help boys succeed is equivalent to wanting to teach girls to be perfect housewives while showering attention on boys’ needs.  If you can’t see the image for some reason, it’s from a school in Norway where the administration introduced separate gender schooling, including a crafts class where the girls worked on sewing and the boys on carpentry.  (I would include the name of the school, but I don’t know how to make my website show those nifty Scandinavian circles and slashes.)  Thus, we have a charming picture of three little girls (two of whom are even in kerchiefs) at sewing machines and three little boys working with wood and tools.  Why oh why couldn’t they have chosen a different picture?  (Though I should add that the kids are also adorable, and that I love the sweater that the boy on the left is wearing.) But like so m...
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But I Repeat Myself . . .
2007-11-19 06:00:00
Honestly, I must be a glutton for punishment.  I don't know why else I would keep linking to and refuting those who want to ignore the boy crisis.  (And why do I feel like the main reason they don’t want there to be a boy crisis is because it raises uncomfortable questions about gender and politics?)  The basic problems with today’s offender is more or less summed up by the article’s title: “Girls don’t have to lose so that boys can do better.”  We’re not breaking a lot of new ground here, so let me make just a few points: --Of course girls don’t have to lose so that boys can do better.  Who ever said that they do?  Certainly no one reputable and no one I’ve come across.  Talk about your straw man arguments.  I’ve yet to see anyone claim that the best way to help boys succeed is to handicap girls. --This is not a conservative issue.  It is not a liberal issue.  Last I checked, people from all over the political spectrum can have son...