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Rehearsing pain, rehearsing pleasure
2007-11-19 11:48:00
photo: Bike to work by e.wilderLast week a car door gave me a lesson in NLP. The cyclists among my readers will already be sighing...It was Tuesday morning, I was pumping up a steep hill working desperately to get my daughter Jyoti to school on time. Then with a timing I could not avoid a man in a smart car opened his door. Pieces of bike cracked off as we skidded and fell to the left.My body and the wrong part of my training took over. I had hardly hit the ground and I was up again. There were no cars or buses about to crush us and my daughter seemed unhurt. In front of me was a an open car door inside of which was the target of 15 years of bottled cycle rage. My right fist felt like it could smash metal, and there was an open line between it and the scared face of the driver. My lungs were supplying plenty of volume to a mix of obscenity, incrimination and threat. The driver shrank in his seat.I do not know how long I stood there, perhaps two or three seconds, but it felt a long ...
More About: Pain , Pleasure

Injunction scans
2007-11-12 20:27:00
photo: civic injunction by jbartokI believe it was Timothy Gallwey, the father of executive coaching who originally said'performance equals potential minus interference.'He first used this idea in a sporting context, especially with reference to athlete's doubts, distractions and negative internal dialogue.But for the purpose of this article I want to apply this principle not so much to individual performances, but to the larger scope of what people decide to perform in.People usually perform the best when they have a maximum of enthusiasm. They also seem more dynamic, attractive and convincing to others when they are enthusiastic. Naturally I can think of exceptions to this. Enthusiasm is not a substitute for skill. But it often precedes and leads to skill.Children often show great capacity for enthusiasm. At least when they are left to play. Adults often show less enthusiasm. Somehow in the civilizing process education can damp down enthusiasm.Let me give a personal example fro...

Stillness and ideal movement
2007-10-23 11:37:00
Photo: Baguazhang master Luo Dexiu demonstrates focussed attention with a relaxed, extended and balanced posture I must be doing something right. Despite only writing here intermittently I seem to be attracting an increasing number of readers.Anyway before I start patting myself on the back I thought I can offer you an adapted extract from the manual of a training I offer called Practical stillness.The idea of the training is to distill years of martial arts and meditative training, combined with NLP to give people tools that they can use in communication, coaching, difficult situations and in decision making.Ideal body use - martial arts and coachingWhat we are looking for (not mention listening and feeling for) is the most relaxed use of the body possible. Emotions, positive or negative require tension and movement to express.Being increasingly relaxed allows a kind of quietness, a stillness and a receptivity. Also excess tension is both tiring, restrictive and wearing on the ...

Right and Easy
2007-10-07 20:29:00
photo: Right is easy by LNA conversation I had at a training recently stayed with me. Perhaps because I felt quite happy to quote an unusual and famous person. Perhaps because there was something unclear about my answer.But before I offer the quote, let me set the scene. In the course we asked the attendees to remember a time just before they made decision that they later regretted.Additionally in the moment they made the decision, they had some sense of warning, some signal that told them they would regret their choice. Which they did.We do this to help sensitize our clients to their own inner warning signals, and those of the people around them. Something I consider useful in any decision making process.A woman whose gaze alternated between intensely still, and sparklingly mischievous came up to me afterwards and asked'I do not understand. If someone knows that they will regret a decision, why would they make that decision?'Looking at her super steady eyes I saw the genuinenes...
More About: Easy

A review in reverse
2007-10-03 22:15:00
photo: Mangroves Mafia Island by Karin OsterlundI almost feel this is a bit of a cheat. I know that it is some time since I sat down to write on my blog, and this seems like an easy way to start October.Yes I have a review to offer you, but it is not a review by me, it is a review of a recent London training by Robbie and I.Here it is.The reviewer Peter Kenworthy is and HR director with over 25 years of experience.You may be wondering why I have a picture of Mangroves with this review. They are not just any Mangroves, they are Mangroves that fringe and protect the edges of Mafia Island, which is set in the Indian Ocean off the coast of Tanzania.When I read that Peter had a background in Tanzanian fisheries it took me back to when I was a researcher gathering data for the Mafia Island national marine reserve. Some of my best evenings were spent swimming through the mangroves at dusk or by moonlight enjoying the depth of the spring tide.I'd like to draw some conclusion, a helpful edu...
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Book Review - Blink
2007-09-13 09:57:00
Blink, the power of thinking without thinking by Malcolm GladwellBlink is a book that I picked up several times, having read the Tipping Point by the same author.Finally I bought before boarding on an international train. It is short, and I found it both easy to read, and full of ideas. From an NLP point of view Blink is about calibrating decision making, and modeling decision making in different contexts. The basic ideas in the book are that we human beings are very good at making quick decisions or judgments. This capacity is based on the ability to read a lot of information, unconsciously instant by instant. It is also based on the experience in a field that we have developed over time.One of the interesting concepts touched on is that when people are asked to justify a decision, they perform less well than when they make quick decisions. When we start to rationalize we often interfere with the intuition that has access to both our memories and the experience of the current situ...
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States and stages
2007-08-14 19:09:00
Photo: Amdo province in Tibet, my lack of recent blog articles was in part because I was traveling there.In NLP we talk a lot about states. Resourceful states, and unresourceful ones, states that are good for specific situations, and others that would be useful, but in another context. NLP does not just talk about states. It has some very good ways of analyzing, developing and triggering states. The state that you need to have a wild time in a night club is not the same as the one you need to negotiate a deal. Of course the two may have some overlap depending on your style... NLP has a lot of techniques to help you have the right state at the right time. I want to add another distinction that NLP does not really have, that of stages. States arise and disappear quickly, whether through NLP's anchoring, during meditation, or in some kind of spontaneous peak experience. Stages are more stable, they are more like cognitive structures through which experiences are interpreted. A pe...
More About: Ages

a generous frame
2007-06-06 09:13:00
photo: framed world by youngdooThe frame with which you approach a situation will make a big difference to what you do and what happens. Here is another martial arts example.There was once a martial artist who worked in the military. He trained hard, and was tough. he would also get into lots of fights. His frame in any situation was 'Am I the toughest person here?'.This is a common attitude for people who have a skill that they are proud of.I really appreciated this when chatting with a musician. I described an old internal dialogue of mine which went something like this 'Well he may be smarter/more charming/richer than me, but I could kick his ass in a fight!' He smiled as he listened and replied 'You know I do exactly the same thing, except I do not tell myself I can fight better, I tell myself I can play the trombone better.'So when this martial artist walked into a bar he would eye up anyone he thought might pose some kind of threat in a fight. Not surprisingly many of ...
More About: Frame , Generous , Enero

Cycles of work and strength
2007-06-04 15:39:00
photo: Calderwood tree stump by AuchinoonSome years ago I used to work as a personal trainer, and at the same time competed in full contact martial arts tournaments. Both of these activities required a level of fitness, especially the latter.But however fit I wanted to be I knew that I couldn't train 24 hours a day, even if I was not training very hard.To maximize the effects of my training I took another approach. I trained very intensely, then rested intensely.What I told my clients with respect to exercise was this. You do not get stronger when you train, you get more tired and you get weaker. You get stronger when you rest, which is when the body adapts to the demands placed on it during training.It applies when recovering between sets of an exercise during a session, as well as the periods between sessions. There are longer cycles of rest and recovery as well.The same is true of non physical activities. Work too hard, do not rest and it results in burn out, and loss of effecti...
More About: Cycles

Overlaying Maps
2007-06-01 09:23:00
photo: Alum Rock Park Map - Google Maps Overlay by Victor SolanoyA theme that I keep coming back to in NLP is a map is not the territory. It applies on all kinds of different levels, two friends chatting and not quite understanding each other, two cultures not getting on, to someone lost somewhere because they cannot read a map - literally.As people take on this idea they leave the certainty that comes from the knowledge that 'Science proves' or that 'the scriptures say'. It is not always comfortable for them.Probably the majority of people that I work with are either moving into this area of uncertainty, or are already there. There tends to be a progression in how people structure their world views, and the relativistic map is not the territory one is fairly advanced.Once people pick it up then they can often cross cultures more easily, and work with people very different from themselves more elegantly.One of the ways to develop this ability is to deliberately take on, learn, a...

Colour change card trick
2007-05-31 15:00:00
I found this recently - I think it is a great illustration of how we filter information. Well it got me anyway! How do you think you will do....It makes me wonder how many other pieces of information we miss in everyday conversations that might be important? What kind of states could we enter to start noticing what we missed before?
More About: Card , Change , Trick , Colour , Chang

Rapport, mirroring and the brain
2007-05-29 11:42:00
photo: Modes MRI headlslice from the Swedish Brain mirror exhibition On courses at NLP School Europe we often teach a number of rapport exercises which involve mirroring the body of another person. Doing this on purpose can seem artificial, and done poorly it can be pretty creepy.Having said that it is something that people who get on with each other do naturally most of the time. What we show is that you can do it more purposefully to expand the range of situations whee you can feel comfortable, communicate clearly and influence people.Here is a link to a study from UCLA that used brain imaging to observe the effect that mirroring had on brain activity. Though it used a small sample size it scientifically validates the exercise. Also the study confirms my experience that using mirroring helps create empathy for the person with who is mirrored.The greater the empathy and connection, the more likely you are to use any influence gained through technique to the positive benefit of all ...
More About: The Brain

Fun with space
2007-05-28 22:02:00
Photo: Power lines by shootheadOne universal human characteristic is the tendency to sort and organize our understanding of the world spatially. We are born into space and time, and our internal world is build around space and time too.If you watch someone talking they will tend to gesture to where information and objects are in their imagination. Some of these gestures may be in corporal space - pointing to parts of the body when referring to emotions for example. Other gestures may refer to where they imagine events in the past or future to be, or to concepts that float somewhere in mental space.As quantum physicists say time is what keeps everything from happening at once, and space is what keeps everything from happening in the same place.There is a huge amount of information available for people willing to observe, and you it can be used in all kinds of ways, in teaching, sales, therapy, communication and influence.In this article I am mostly interested in ways to use the tende...
More About: Space

Who will you be when?
2007-05-21 10:40:00
Picture: You know who I am, by oxfordshire church illustrations In most standard NLP goal processes there are various checks. Checks on whether achieving the goal will cause all kinds of havoc with friends, family and other vital systems. Checks on whether the goal is worthwhile in terms of time effort and money. Finally there is usually a check on whether the goal fits with your sense of self.It is that last check that I'm interested in today. One way to look at our lives is that they are to a large extent created by our sense of self. We do the things that we do, make the choices that we make because we are who we are.At the same time our sense of self changes with the circumstances of our life. Major events like becoming a parent, changing professions, or country of residence have a fairly clear effect on how people think of themselves.This means any large goal is likely to result in a change in the sense of self. So if someone sets a significant goal for themselves and really...

a million wishes
2007-05-15 10:04:00
photo: who has lost a magic wand by Pσrcelαΐηgΐrl°Having lunch with Chris West, and discussing an NLP book I wanted to a way to get across the optimism, and humanity that I find in NLP. I offered Chris the following thought experiment.Think of all those stories where someone receives three wishes - and is either filled with contradictory urges about what to wish for, or wishes for something that ends up messing up their lives.Now imagine that somehow a million wishes had been offered to you (and if you think that a million is not enough, you can always use one of that million to wish for a billion more...). Now what would you do with those wishes?I can summarize what the people who I've offered this experiment to say as'Well I'd wish for certain things for myself, then I'd start thinking about what I could do for other people.'I have not met anyone who genuinely put themselves in this imaginary position, and who would use their wishes to wreak havoc in the lives of other...
More About: Wishes , Million

Book Review - the Mandala of Being
2007-04-30 15:20:00
A month or two ago I received an e-mail from Robert Dilts recommending (or was it promoting) the Mandala of Bein g by Richard Moss. Robert described the book something like the Heineken adverts of my childhood. The Mandala of Being refreshes the parts many NLP techniques cannot reach. Since I like Robert, and respect his opinion I decided to buy it - and read it.Now I've read it I've decided to review it. After my paraphrasing of Robert's summary I will offer my own. The book is something like a cross between Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now, combined with techniques that make use of our mental tendencies to organise meaning spatially, and in terms of stories. Now a slightly more in depth version. There is a lot more in the book than I have described here.Richard Moss writes that we humans are born into the present, and while we are present we are exquisitely sensitive and connected to life. However being so sensitive we are also susceptible to pain, and since life doles out plenty ...
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Fish and Piranhas
2007-04-20 16:09:00
photo: Piranhas by doublFish are one of the tools that we use on our trainings. In case you are wondering what that means, and have images of conference rooms full of flapping Tuna, rainbows of angelfish, or cod and chips these are a different kind of metaphorical fish.The idea of fish comes from Gregory Bateson, who observed that dolphin trainers never punished their charges for not doing what they wanted. Rather they waited for the dolphins to do something they liked, drew attention to the moment and action by blowing a whistle, then at the next convenient moment gave the dolphin a fish. They would also sometimes just give the dolphin fish for no reason in particular, just for being. They found human-dolphin relations worked better that way.So in our trainings we encourage people to wait until a fellow student does something they like then give them a fish. That is tell them what they liked, when it happened, and how it was good. Again we do not punish our trainees for getting it ...

Some positive double binds
2007-04-04 15:26:00
Knotted Catenoid by ArenamontanusI'll see if I can write a short post...Double binds come from the work of Gregory Bateson, who hypothesized that they were often instrumental in the onset of schizophrenia. Here is a simplified set of conditions for a (negative) double bind.1. There is an injunction form a person in a position of authority power on a someone of lesser authority or power. It may take the form 'do/don't do x or I will punish you.'2. There is a secondary injunction that contradicts the first, and exists at a more abstract level. This might be something like 'only do x spontaneously.'3. The secondary injunction need not be stated clearly - indeed is often more powerful if unstated.A typical example is the tension between children and their parents. A parents says 'do what you're told, don't argue or I'll get mad.' while at the same time there is a background message of 'You need to be more independent.'To get beyond a double bind it is helps to see not just ...
More About: Positive , Posi , Some

The Secret - not everyone's cup of tea
2007-03-28 23:15:00
Now there are plenty of people out there who seem to loooove the secret, a film that has become an underground best seller, if that is not an oxymoron, based on the 'Law of Attraction'.Now it is not hard to see why so many people like the secret. In lots of ways I do. It is well made, with pretty visuals, consistent special effects, short sentences, stirring music, period costumes, rampaging mobs, conspiracy theories, love interests and boundless, boundless optimism.Basically the Law of Attraction says, if you truly ask for something from the Universe, the universe will grant your wish....That's right, anything.The film is full of happy stories of people who have had their wish granted. The delighted witnesses explain having spent some time putting their attention on the things that they do not want, struggling with illness, debt and hate they learn to shift their attention. The moment their thoughts turn to love, health and wealth (lots of that) it arrives by the bucketful.Inter...
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An outcome you cannot argue with
2007-03-28 17:49:00
Death & Life by Darius twin A wide range of psychotherapeutic, spiritual, and extreme sports traditions all have one thing in common. In fact we all have this in common, and no it is not skin, or taxes. It is death.In our culture death is a strange subject. We are all going to die, but it is not something many of us like to think about very much. Naturally we get reminded fairly regularly as people we know come to the ends of their lives.We also get to see plenty of death in the media, usually at an abstractly comfortable distance. It could be in the news, or in a TV series where the bad guys are little more than targets for the hero.Now I have no idea what happens when we die, though I have met plenty of people who have beliefs in this area. Given this uncertainty about our only certainty, living people use death in a number of ways.Obviously death gets used as a threat, which works less well if you believe that you get some kind of celestial five star service on the other side.Oth...
More About: Come , Argue , Anno

Tricks of the mind
2007-03-28 15:25:00
If you are UK, or Youtube, based there is a good chance that you know about Derren Brown.Derren has made several television series that mix Hypnosis, stage magic, cold reading and NLP to some very amusing effect. Well amusing to me anyway.Here is an example of Derren at work on TV this one showing how easy it can be to trick martial artists...One of Derren's values is to state clearly that he is using tricks and skills rather than special powers to do some of the amazing things that he does. His book, tricks of the mind is written in what I would describe as a 21st century Victorian style. I found it quite amusing, but it may not be everyone's taste.Derren is scathing about mediums, and people who believe in psychic powers (especially his own). He covers his interest in magic tricks, hypnosis, memory, NLP, the nature of belief, and pseudo-science. He has particular disdain for people who use built in human gullibility to take advantage of vulnerable people.All of this he mixes wit...
More About: Tricks , Mind , The Mind

Two moments to change your life
2007-03-12 16:08:00
photo: in between drinks by paoliinaHave you ever found yourself in a situation, repeating some behaviour that you do not like? It could be something like acting shy, hesitating, getting angry, hopelessness, turning on the TV, reaching for junk food...The list could be endless, and is most likely uniquely personal.Even if you do not have anything you actively dislike,you may find something that you would like to improve.Now once you get into the situation, and the behaviour that you do not like many people find that there is a certain momentum, or unconsciousness to it. Either it becomes hard to change in the moment, or people do not realise that there is actually a choice to be made.So what are the two moments where you can change your life? There is in between, and there is during. As I mentioned above, during is not easy. The moment slips by, and is gone, leaving you cursing, stamping your feet and saying 'Oh no, not again!', or whatever it is that you do and say after whateve...
More About: Life , Change , Moments , Chang , Chan

How to be a regular Exerciser
2007-03-09 09:16:00
Photo: Akuzawa Minoru demonstrates his body control and balance with the assistance of a heavier partnerWhether or not you are motivated by sport, the condition of your body makes a big difference on your daily experience, your health, and how well you perform in other areas of your life. On top of the actual experience of enjoying a well conditioned body, there is also a host of statistical evidence that positively relates regular moderate exercise to health. It makes sense to exercise.At the same time many people do not exercise regularly. I am not going to ask why not? That question has the wonderful effect of helping entrench people in their reasons 'why not.'Rather I am going to to go over some of the mental strategies that regular exercisers use.1. Enjoy exerciseEnjoyment and pleasure is a state, an attitude. There are certain kinds of exercise that are probably beyond my ability to do, so I will not do them. However there is plenty within my range that I can do safely, and ...
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Living treasures
2007-03-08 11:59:00
Luo De Xiu pushing me at his seminar in Rennes 2006There are people I meet who inspire me. They have such knowledge, grace or skill that I think it would be a great loss to humanity if they were to disappear from the planet. Some of my martial arts teachers fall into this category. I always feel amazed when I see the grace, power and clarity of their movement. Some of my NLP or Hypnosis teachers as well. They have a combination of refined skill, and a deep humanity. Most often they have a sparkle to their eye and a shining enthusiam for life.Probably you know someone, or you know of someone who you view this way. If you do not go out and find someone, and spend some time with them.Our society honours these people, or at least some of them. They may receive prizes and awards. Their funerals are well attended. This is doubly true if the area of their mastery is something that the media finds it easy to sell.Yet I think it is strange that I and others may value these people more than o...
More About: Living , Sure , Ving , Treasure , Treasures

politically correct for you're a *****er
2007-02-27 13:28:00
Studying NLP or hypnosis it usually gives an extra dimension to the appreciation of language. NLPers become increasingly aware of embedded commands, hypnotic suggestions or unwitting implications that slip into their own and other people's language.This is great. It allows for really precise communication, sometimes...On the other hand since some NLPers can be relentlessly positive there can also be a shadow side to this. Intelligent, sensitive aware people who are still often human in some of the most petty ways. So just like the euphemisms used in Human Resources or the military, I have observed some interesting ways of hiding barbs in NLP based language.Below are some examples of the correct NLP way to say something, and its translation into something more... sincereNot all NLPers do this, and not allo f the time. But when they do you can usually tell by the slightly forced quality of the smile they put on while speaking. 'Your map is different from mine' = 'You're wrong!...
More About: Call , Poli , Ally , Politic , Politically Correct

Knowing a cup of tea
2007-02-27 00:14:00
Photo Nice Cup of Tea by snappysmashingbloke This is another thought experiment. I like this one as a way of getting less certain about how much we know. I like being less certain about how much I know, because it loosens up my mental models, and helps keep me enjoying life in fresh, new ways. Loosening mental models is also a good exercise in developing new ones - also known as learning.Simply take a household object (a cup, a pillow, a book...) and spend 20-30 minutes noticing everything about it you possibly can. Look at it from all angles, touch, listen to and smell it (taste it?). Do you think you know everything about it yet? Are there parts that you cannot see - can your senses really catch everything about it? Are there details too small, too subtle, too hidden to notice? If you think you know everything then ask yourself this... Would a dog/electron microscope/dolphin or amoeba have a different knowledge of this object than you? Can you know everything about where it came f...
More About: Know , Wing , Knowing

Thought Experiments
2007-02-27 00:01:00
A thought experiment can include any deliberate application of the imagination with the aim of testing a theory. Einstein used thought experiments in developing the theory of relativity - he imagined he was sitting on a photon travelling at the speed of light - and the consequences that would have for perception. Nikola Tesla the inventor who in the late 19th and early twentieth centuries discovered and designed much of the technology that we take for granted today (accumulating over 700 patents on the way) used a sophisticated form of thought experiment. Before building a machine in his laboratory he would construct in his imagination, run it and see if it developed any problems or unanticipated effects. You can choose to think of NLP's presuppositions as thought experiments. Also 'as if' frame statements can serve as thought experiments. You can ask what would it be like if .... I've described a few thought experiments in the posts below. Try them out if you like, and you can ...
More About: Thought , Experiments , Peri , Rime

Getting into your Skull
2007-02-26 23:12:00
Photo Frazier Mtn~ 12/09/05 by FrazierMtnMomIn the Norse creation myth three brothers Odin, Vili and Ve made the earth from the body of a giant called Ymir. They made the sky from his skull and the clouds from his brains. Norse stories do not skimp on blooody anatomical detail. Neuroscience suggest that what we perceive as being outside of ourselves is actually a model constructed by our minds. In other words everything under the sky is actually inside our skulls... In this thought experiment try to remain conscious of this idea. Whenever you experience something as outside of you remember that you are creating the representation of that thing in the space between your ears. Do this for a day and notice what happens. Then as the zen saying goes, you may be able to drink the Pacific ocean in a single gulp. Photo: Pacific Ocean by shesnuckinfuts
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Underemployed Coaches
2007-02-16 10:19:00
ruby slippers and phone by gwENvision I do not know if you have noticed, but the world is full of underemployed coaches. Go to almost any networking meeting and you are sure to meet one or two coaches a little too eager to explain how you can be and achieve so much more.I am curious about this. It is partly a result of all the hype. There has been so much hype about coaching. In France the word hardly means anything. If you are not sure what the word for a coach is in French it is le coach (and yes there is also le coaching). It covers everything from personal trainer, to personal shopper, with some potential for psychologist thrown in.I blame the training organisations. For years now training organisations have been telling people ‘Coaching is the fastest growing profession in the world…’ with all kinds of promises of being able to earn hundreds per hour while sitting in slippers at home and asking open questions on the phone.What happens is that people take a training, get ...
More About: Under , Coaches

Shadows and Light
2007-02-05 21:46:00
Shadows and light: photo by barcalunacyHere's a double bind for you. NLP is a set of powerful tools that can be applied to setting goals and accomplishing what you want in life. In NLP we apply the concept "a map is not the territory", that our understanding of reality is only a model, and not reality itself. So what happens if we start applying our wonderful NLP techniques on the basis of a map that is severely flawed? What will that result in? For example someone who as a habit uses force to resolve problems, physical or emotionally. If they encounter a problem where they feel weak, in their map of the world they will seek a method to be stronger. So they then apply NLP to be even stronger in that situation.... Seems doomed to failure doesn't it? What about the inverse. Someone who always yields to others, deals with problems by being more generous, more sensitive, more giving. If they find themselves in a difficult situation, perhaps where someone is taking advantage of them i...
More About: Light , Shadows