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Dirty Jokes Are Not For Mothers
2008-04-22 19:00:00 My eleven year old came home with a dirty joke from swim practice.So, obviously, he feels comfortable that he can tell us anything, and he decided to share his joke with us. You can read all the details on CG's blog.In short, I don't think he got it. He knew it was funny, but didn't get that the punchline:"That wasn't my belly button," and "Well, that wasn't my finger, " referred to body parts.I think he must have laughed along in the locker room--clue-less! I'm sure lots of the boys laughed along clueless because men, no matter the age, are lemmings.I found myself explaining that the finger might refer to another body part, similarly shaped.Suddenly, his face was like an open book. Realization dawned. His face was bright red. "Ohhh!"He's so naive at times. It's cute.But! We need to work on him NOT telling dirty, locker rooms to his mother, yes?It's just not right. Right? At least one new blog a day! ~Scout's Honor
Brother wanted
2008-03-28 14:30:00 A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....If you like this post then please consider subscribing to my full feed RSS. You can also Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email and have new posts sent directly to your inbox.Subscribe to FUN PEN by Email
By: FUNPEN
Top 10 Pick Up lines
2008-03-11 10:02:00 Did you fart, cause you blew me away. Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special My Love for you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them. Are you a gardener, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulips together You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a banana cream If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cos you're really good at raising cocks
Condom Sayings
2008-03-11 09:58:00 1. Cover your stump before you hump 2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy 4. When in doubt, shroud your spout 5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner 6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong 7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it 8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey 9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize 10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter 11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick 12. If you go into heat, package your meat 13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis 14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse 15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member 16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker 17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool 18. The right selection will protect your erection 19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil 20. A crank with armor will never harm her 21. No glove, no love!
Unfaithful Wives
2008-03-10 10:21:00 Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: ?I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren?t mine.? His second friend says: ?I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn?t mine.? Paddy says: ?I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.? Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. ?No, I?m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.?
By: Funny Junk
Fart
2008-02-19 07:20:00 There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says"Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."The drunk replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
By: FUNPEN
Anger management fo rladies
2008-02-19 07:18:00 Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you controlyour anger?Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.Husband: How does that help?Wife: I use your toothbrush.Subscribe to FUN PEN by EmailSubscribe to FUN PEN by Email
By: FUNPEN
Sex Jokes
2008-02-13 10:24:00 Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar? A. A love call. Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill? A. Leave the plunger in the toilet. Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor? A. By the ears. (Lick her) Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? A. No ball room
An end for farting
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
By: FUNPEN
sex jokes
2008-01-17 19:02:00 The Chicken Farmer Sex Joke A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "what is your occupation?" "I'm a whore," she says. The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's ...
College Rules
2007-11-19 10:11:00 On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?” Then one of the student asked, “How much for a season pass?”
By: Funny Junk
Dirty Jokes
2007-10-21 06:32:00 It’s like a war around my home tonight. Keith and I are trying to see who can come up with the dirtiest joke. So far, he’s winning. His mind amazes me sometimes. I swear that he has to be cheating, but he promises that he’s making them up from his mind. He’s too good at this, but he does get practice and material from the guys he works with. I think that’s an unfair advantage, which is why I’m sitting here looking up dirty jokes online. I refuse to lose to him. Oh… My…. Goodness…. Purple Rain just came on tv…. Gotta go… I’ll take the loss, but I gotta watch this… I’ll be dancing all over the room tonight. Go crazy!
Dirty Jokes About Family Values
2007-10-18 02:48:00 Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: How yours look like? 2nd: She is 5″7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours? 1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!! Related posts Dirty Jokes - 18+ only (0) Poems written by husband to wife (0)
By: Fun Mint
Dirty Jokes - 18+ only
2007-10-17 15:56:00 Well they are not that dirty, Enjoy ! DON’T LOOK AT NAKED LADY Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady? Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I’ll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already! Related posts Dirty Jokes About Family Values (0) Poems written ...
By: Fun Mint
Professors dirty jokes
2007-09-30 00:02:00 This is a story from one college in US ---------------------------------------There was a professor who would start off his class with a dirty joke. Some of the girls in his class were fed up at this and decided to leave as soon as he started to tell his joke the next class.The professor caught wind of their plan and the next class he began his joke and said, "Lately there's been a critical shortage of whores in China." The girls all stood up and began to walk towards the door. And the professor said, "Whoa hold on girls, the boat doesn't leave till tomorrow!"---------------------------------------
By: funny university
And they called these dirty jokes?
2007-09-04 18:35:00 You know, I’m a little disappointed. I know some people (not mentioning any names but Dusty might want to take a bow) who always seem to have a joke to tell. Me.. not so much. I hear them, never remember them, and have to go looking for them whenever I want to post one or ...
By: fracas
Bread
2007-08-21 19:29:00 A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt [or general lack thereof] and the location of ...
By: Funny Junk
Short Jokes 6
2007-08-16 11:22:00 A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are ...
Cikgu Suraya's Student
2007-08-15 19:19:00 A first-grade teacher, Cikgu Suraya (Age 22) was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked the boy, 'what is your problem?' The boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!'Cikgu Suraya had enough. She took the boy to the principal's office. While the boy waited at the reception of the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.The principal told Cikgu Suraya he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'Boy: '9'.Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'Boy: '36'.So it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Cikgu Suraya and tells her, 'I think the boy can go to the third-grad...
Fire Truck
2007-08-11 08:19:00 A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey little ...
By: Funny Junk
Weight Loss Program
2007-08-09 15:49:00 A chubby bloke was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a "Guaranteed" weight loss program. "Guaranteed like heck" he thinks to himself. "But let's see what they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3-day, 10-pound weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his ...
I hear you knocking
2007-08-09 15:41:00 Susan was in her late thirties and still not married. She just had a hard time meeting men. And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks. Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper. She wrote: "Looking for a man who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is excellent in bed." Several days went by and she hadn't gotten a single call. Then, one day she was ...
I anybody home?
2007-08-09 15:40:00 Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor. "Father, I am sinful." "Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you." "Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend. ...
TWO LIPS AND SEVEN KISSES
2007-08-09 15:37:00 There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?" The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!" ...
Let's Try It
2007-08-09 15:36:00 Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking. Pa says to Ma, "Screw you Ma." A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, "Screw you Pa." Again, a minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma, "Screw you Ma." Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa, "Screw you Pa." Yet another minute goes by, and Pa says to ...
5 Types of Sex
2007-08-09 15:33:00 1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face. 2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen. 3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom. 4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. ...
Penis Talk
2007-08-09 15:28:00 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A SMALL PENIS * "I've smoked fatter joints than that." * "Ahh, it's cute." * "I'm sorry." * "Who circumcised you?" * "Why don't we just cuddle?" * "You know they have surgery to fix that." * "It's ...
It's a HARD LIFE
2007-08-09 15:24:00 A cucumber and a pickle are having a conversation and the pickle says to the cucumber, "You know my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and stick me in a jar." So the cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad ... whenever I get big, fat and juicy they slice me up and they put me over salad." So this penis is walking ...
Two very dirty jokes
2007-06-29 16:14:00 Two dirty jokes to get the party started. These will probably be better appreciated if your audience is a little drunk.
By: Sun and Sin
Rosie?s Dirty Jokes Shock Some at Awards Event
2007-04-24 13:04:00 The View star doesn’t hold back in front of Martha Stewart, Hillary Clinton and others More: continued here
By: Feed Me Gossip
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