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The Clean End of a Turd
2011-04-23 17:12:00 "Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." Unknown....however my friend Neil sent this little ditty to me just the other day. I want to snuggle hump whoever wrote it. I LOVE cool quotes. I also love statistics. Both clue me in to the probable presence of crap disguised as fact. First of all I love the word TURD. In my opinion people don't use it enough. It provokes me into giggle fits, because I'm not very mature. Here are some of my favorite isms about turds; you can't dress...
Turd of the Month: Benjamin Netanyahu
2009-10-02 12:31:00 NEW YORK – In his melodramatic speech to the United Nations General Assembly in New York, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu proved he is one giant steaming turd. In the speech, Mr. Netanyahu said Iran poses a threat to the peace of the world and that it is incumbent on the world body to ...
By: Turd on a Stick
Turd Blossom's Tedious Estrada Tale
2009-05-28 21:04:00 (And I also had something to say here on a matter related to the former boss of the main subject of this post.)In today?s Murdoch Street Journal, ?political expert? and guru of his party?s last two major election losses (Karl Rove by name) pontificates on the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor by President Obama for the Supreme Court (yes, this is a recording ? I?ll try not to duplicate too much from this...and once more, I'm compelled to ask this question).Rove rehashes the case of Ricci v. DeStefano, about which I?m sure you will hear quite a bit during Sotomayor?s confirmation hearing?The Ricci case is an example: Whites were denied fire department promotions because of a clear racial quota. Ms. Sotomayor's refusal to hear their arguments won her stinging criticism from fellow Second Court of Appeals judge José Cabranes, a respected Clinton appointee.As noted here in this Slate article (from yesterday?s post)?When the case was argued before the Supreme Court last month, all of the j...
Paulson Paints a Turd
2008-09-25 11:13:00 I'm now coming out against the Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac bailout. I supported it earlier. That was based on Paul Krugman, but he's far too pro-capitalist for my tastes. Right now, I like this guy, Michael Hudson, former economic advisor for the Dennis Kucinich campaign, a lot better.I'm not sure why we have to do anything at all to bail out these banks. $700 billion seems like a Hell of a lot, but the debt nuke that these idiots detonated over their own heads is something more like $46 trillion. Tell me how $700 billion pays off a $46 trillion debt.This rescue attempt looks like an effort to pour capital back into the banking system to avert the inevitable drop in housing prices. Judging by past housing crashes, the housing market has already fallen 50% from its high. So it's got another 50% to go. An overinflated asset is an overinflated asset. Pumping money into it and saying it's worth something now is like painting a turd.Obviously, the housing market has fallen by half its i...
By: Robert Lindsay
Why I Shorted Turd Of A Company PokerTek, Inc. (PTEK)
2008-06-09 02:57:00 If you’re familiar with my short-biased PennyStocking trading strategy, or watched the latest episode of LiveStock (in which I detailed this setup), it’s not hard to tell why I shorted 1,000 shares of PokerTek, Inc. (PTEK) at $4.69 right before the market close on Friday. Not only was Friday its first down day after 5 straight—agonizing for early shorts, opportunistic for later shorts—up-days, after a blatantly-obvious-typically-ban-kruptcy-coming-type 50% mid-month drop in May, if on Monday we get a morning panic (which seems likely considering Friday’s price action with hugely fading volume due to the gradual realization by bitter long-term shareholders realizing they’d better take this bounce as an opportunity to the hell out and aggressive shorts to get in) that takes out Friday support of $4.50ish making $4 a likely downside target, which if the sellers can take out the probable stop losses there brings up $3.80ish, if you take a look at the reasons for the runup, y...
By: TimothySykes.com
Time For Turd Blossom To Sing
2008-05-22 21:10:00 Kudos to John Conyers and the House Judiciary Committee for this, pertaining to the U.S. Attorneys scandal, though if Rove shows up, the committee could ask him about the Don Siegelman case and give him a chance to lie about that also.It just hasn?t been the same without him, has it (actually, it?s been much better).
Buster the Big Rolling Turd Says Goodbye
2008-04-08 23:42:00 Buster, our Oldsmobile Wagon, was hauled away by the junkman this afternoon. It was time. He had been sitting in the driveway for far too long. We all sat on the brick wall and watched him being loaded onto the platform that would take him to his new home. We are ...
By: Up the Hill Gang
?the chrome has worn off the turd?
2008-03-11 15:16:00 I’ve been running Vista for six to nine months now. I can’t remember exactly. The OS came installed on a laptop, and I was scared when I bought it. Turns out the fear was justified. That laptop was new when I bought it and is, physically, the best box in my collection– the rest of the ...
Review : 10,000 B.C.- One steamy mamak turd of a movie
2008-03-08 22:58:00 Youtube trailer A movie as bad as this only comes around every 12,000 years organically, but one may speed up the process by giving Roland Emmerich enough money to film his live-action, Saturday-morning cartoons. Plot: Take every movie with... 1) ...a questing party whose travel over spectacular mountains is captured on film by a “gorgeous” long shot and who eventually form...2) ...an alliance of freedom-loving peoples who fight well because of a...3) ...rallying speech by the protagonist who then leads them into a...4) ...huge, computer generated battle; mix them together; place the contents into a microwave to destroy any nutrients; and serve to an audience on the far left of any bell curve. Not that I wouldn't travel a few weeks and take down a few mammoths for foxy, in a primitive, dirty-faced kind of way, village-chick with a mamak stampede-stopping face, Evolet (Camille Bella). Camille Bella working that animal skin. If you bought a ticket to learn some a...
By: Asymmetric
Turd Baby Funny Sign
2008-03-07 03:54:00 Wouldn't you love to go to "Turd Baby"? Sounds...fun...."So what'd you do today?""Oh, not too much. Went over to Turd Baby for a little bit."Yeah.....WTH----Photo rights reserved to Badger 23
You Can?t Polish A Turd.
2008-02-19 04:18:00 Lindsay Lohan posed nude to look like Marilyn Monroe in her famous ‘Last sitting’ photo shoot, for New York Magazine. Do humans have fleas? Anyway, when I look at this pic of Lindsay Lohan it conjures up images of an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dotted bikini. It makes me want to take a ...
By: Upset Waitress
Like an Old Turd
2008-02-08 20:43:00 Like an Old TurdYou never know how much you love someone until they are suppose to meet back up with you in five minutes and you don’t know if they will show. This is a funny feeling. I have been feeling it a lot with Mira these past weeks. Maybe she is out partying and having fun. Maybe I am sitting here writing like an old turd. Am I really such an old turd?Girlfriends make me feel like a turd. Wade from Vagabond Journey.comHeredia, Costa RicaFebruary 8, 2007To subscribe to the Vagabond Journey Newsletter send a blank email to VagabondJourney-subscribe@topic-a.comEight years of round the world vagabond travel. Wade from Vagabond Journey.com
Raiders Owner Al Davis Treating Head Coach Lane Kiffin Like Turd
2008-01-27 21:01:00 Ok. You read the title and I'm standing by it. Oakland Raiders Manager of The General Partner Al Davis is reportedly treating his still-newly-hired Head Coach Lane Kiffin like a turd. It's a hard statement but look at the reports.Apparently this all started because Kiffin wanted to replace Raiders Defensive Coordinator Rex Ryan, who's leaky run defenses have cost the Silver and Black chances to win close games in 2007. But Lane Kiffin's actions were reportedly blocked by Davis himself. When Kiffin complained to Davis, the owner asked him to resign; he did not and for good reason: Kiffin would lose the salary he's due of $2 million annual for the rest of his contract. More to come on this mess. Regardless of the real truth, it's clear the Raiders are once again surrounded by soap-opera drama on the scale of a daytime show.
Great Invention Idea? Human Turd Scale
2008-01-24 06:44:00 United States patent 1493222 is for "A weighing device especially adapted for weighing feces as excreted." Now, admit you wouldn't mind trying the turd scale out...
By: Attuworld
Great Invention Idea? Human Turd Scale!
2008-01-23 01:04:00 Feces Scale I have a friend who tries to calm my food fears by reassuring me that something that doesn't weigh a pound cannot make me gain a pound. Fine! But what about the bag of chocolate covered nuts (they're filled with protein) I ate this morning? The one I forgot to weigh on my food scale? How much of that have I got sitting inside of me, threatening the needle of my bathroom scale? read more »Tech-norati Tags: Boomers Entertainment Environment Fitness Food Fun Funny Gadgets Health Home Life Miscellaneous Nature News Patent Products Science Wacky patents funny weird bizarre strange odd inventions ideas gags bodily functions
Whitney Housturd releases the Holiday Turd
2007-12-11 11:01:00 Still looking for that holiday gift for that special someone? Well, look no further! Whiteny Housturd’s One Wish, The Holiday Turd is jammed pack with all of her Christmas favorites like One Wish (For Crack Cocaine), and Have Yourself a Coked Up Christmas.
By: Turd on a Stick
GERD TURD
2007-11-28 21:01:00 What happens when you have GERD and calling in sick because it is acting up.
By: MacBros' Place
My Bloody Turd
2007-11-28 15:45:00 Kevin Shields and gang hot on their heels after 1991’s Loveless, are entering the studio to finish its follow up. And, we have an exclusive glimpse of the artwork that will accompany its upcoming digital release. Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
Prince says ?fuck you? to his fans
2007-11-08 03:17:00 The man who etched “slave” on the side of his face in defiance of his supposed enslavement to Warner Brothers now wants to take images and critique off his fans’ websites. A fan group, Prince Fans United, claims the star is trying to “stifle all critical commentary” and he is in “violation of the freedom of ...
By: Turd on a Stick
Eric Mangini is a turd
2007-10-30 18:23:00 Imagine this: Ronnie Brown suffers a knee injury (I suppose that'll be easy to imagine). However, we don't know what the injury is or even what knee it is to. Two days later on a local radio station, Ronnie then says he isn't injured. The next day, he gets placed on Injured Reserve. Why? We still don't know. Brown then goes back on the same radio program a week later. They ask him what his injury is and Ronnie tells them to "use their imagination." They ask him which knww it is and he tells them they "have a 50/50 chance of guessing." One of the hosts then says he thinks it's the right knee. Ronnie responds by saying that "it could be, but if it isn't, then it's the other." Luckily, we don't have to worry about this ever happening. But that situation above was exactly what played out in New York and with Jonathan Vilma because Mangini doesn't allow his players to talk about injuries. It was alm...
By: The Phinsider
Brain Dead Moronic Frog Turd Suckers
2007-10-25 04:30:00 OK. The title of this post doesn't render true justice as to how I really feel about the the fraud preacher known by Pastor Fred Phelps of the alleged Westboro Baptist Church. Fred Phelps is a pastor of a church but it certainly is NOT a "Godly" congregation. I wouldn't be surprised if they sacrificed chickens and drank the blood of dead chickens. Hell...I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't kill the chickens first.This group of hedonistic fools and foul birds besmirch the very name of Jesus Christ. This jerk needs to have some Prairie Justice rendered and ITS congregation placed in stockades, beaten within an inch of their lives and then soaked in a concoction of wine vinegar, sulfur and salt. Then, the pain should begin and rendered by the families of slain and wounded heroes.Caning would be a good start...beginning with the soles of their feet.Cat-o-nine tails would be next...applied ever so forcefully upon the fleshy parts of their backsides. EMTs would be present to...
Holla Turd-World!!
2007-10-19 06:54:00 Good day everyone. Jeez, it's been awhile since I last touched this blog. Don't blame me. I've said this many times. Blame Jack and the beanstalk, blame oprah, blame tyra banks or just blame anyone you wish but not me. How long have I been away, y'all? One, two, four, five or six days? A week? A month? Oh fuck it.You know, cyber world plays part of my life. Without it, you knew I'll be dead. That's what I've been going through lately for the past weeks. It tortures me deep into my brain and it hurts like so bad (even worst than a migrain). I missed bitching. I missed kinda lots of things. Oh and yeah, I missed porns as well. I hope that counts. Whatev!And yesterday I read a news about Ellen and her Canine dog. I felt sorry for her. I mean REALLY!"..... Ellen DeGeneres is hoping the power of television and celebrity will give a little dog some special treatment. During today's show, DeGeneres breaks down and sobs as she tells the audience about her effort to find a good home ...
Turd Hotel
2007-10-10 18:45:00 Ask and you shall receive. We give you those wannabe Japanese from Germany. Maybe, they can split a bill the Night Rocker himself David Hasselholff. Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
McDonalds is totally backing the Turd now
2007-10-10 01:34:00 Hey kids, isn’t watching TV fun? We give the world’s first pot smoking, obese clown complete with a dixie cup on his nose. Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
Jaret Wright Is Turd Ferguson
2007-10-05 21:38:00 The Village Voice recently published what they claim to be the pseudonyms of the Yankees' players (and coaches) when they go on the road. Let's take a look, shall we?Pseudonym: Simon PhoenixReal name: Mike MussinaPseudonym: Bruce AlmightyReal name: Don MattinglyPseudonym: Austin PowersReal name: Ruben SierraPseudonym: Richard LongReal name: Bernie WilliamsPseudonym: Johnny DramaReal name: Derek JeterPseudonym: Turd FergusonReal name: Jaret WrightUsing the Ron Mexico alias creator, I came up with some more names for Yankees players (and coaches):Alex Rodriguez: Ricardo Palestine.Jorge Posada: Miguel Trinidad.Joe Torre: Chad Malta.Hideki Matsui: Hunk Montenegro.Carl Pavano: Rod Paraguay.Robinson Cano: Buster Hong Kong.Hideki got the best one, I think.STUB HUB: The Safe Way to Buy & Sell Tickets Online
Turd Blunt
2007-09-24 15:47:00 All the girls swoon over Turd Blunt. Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
LIKE A TURD FROM A TALL COW'S ASS
2007-09-20 15:34:00 BUFFALO: Back from the south of France, are we?BIRD: Alas, too true. Stuffed to the gunwales with pate de foie gras, truffles, escargot, brie, and buckets of Chateauneuf-du-Pape. So, I trust you fared well in my absence?BUFFALO: No, but I falled well. . . fell, whatever.BIRD: Cor blimey, missus! Not another accident?BUFFALO: More like a catastrophe than an accident.BIRD: Give us the feather and tails, Buff.BUFFALO: A comedy of errors, Birdy. Mistake number one, I ventured into the shadowlands of downtown Detroit, at night, in a poorly lit neighborhood affectionately known as "The Bowery" - where one is advised to go armed.BIRD: Blimey, were you trolling for muggers, like?BUFFALO: No, I was enroute to a French flic.BIRD: In a poorly lit alley?BUFFALO: Argh. No, it was off-campus student housing for Wayne State University, named for Mad Anthony Wayne, a hero of the late unpleasantness between the Yanks and the Brits. A charming three story brick edifice that should have been condemned...
Chinese man drops dead after viewing Turd on a Stick
2007-09-17 13:28:00 BEIJING - A Chinese man dropped dead after viewing Turd on a Stick for three consecutive days, state media said on Monday as China seeks to wean internet addicts offline. The man from the southern boomtown of Guangzhou, age 30, died on Saturday after being rushed to the hospital from an internet cafe, local authorities were quoted by the Beijing News as saying. “Police have ruled out the possibility of suicide,” the newspaper said, adding that exhaustion and disbelief were the most likely cause of death. The report did not say what TOAS post he was viewing when he died. Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
This is my cat, keep watching, keep watching, Turd Furgeson plays fetch
2007-09-10 15:53:00 Pretty disturbing… Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
Turd Blossom?s Immigration Faux Pas
2007-09-04 22:49:00 According to Dick Polman in the Philadelphia Inquirer last Sunday (here)?Karl Rove is right.That's not a misprint.President Bush's career guru has long insisted that Republicans will never achieve permanent majority status unless they can connect with Hispanic voters. Since his White House departure, he has warned Republicans that their persistent immigrant-bashing is hazardous to their long-term political health. In Rove's words, "You cannot ignore the aspirations of the fastest-growing minority in America."Wow, I guess the fact that Rove recognizes the obvious is what makes him a political genius (but being the scheming rat that he will always be, I know that you can never count him out).I wonder, though, if he was ?trying to connect with Hispanic voters? when he spoke the following (as noted here - there are many, many ways the Repugs have alienated this constituency, but I'll just focus on this for the moment)?"I don't want my 17-year-old son to have to pick tomatoes or mak...
Turd Eye Blind
2007-09-04 00:57:00 Falling between Hootie & the Turdfish and Shit, Turd Eye Blind’s catchy and melodic post-grunge made the group’s first single, “Semi-Turd Life,” into a hit in the spring of 1997. Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
Turd on a Stick - Bark at the Turd
2007-09-03 02:35:00 An action figure is usually jointed, thus capable of various dynamic poses. A figurine, meanwhile, is typically frozen into a single pose. It might enjoy an exquisite level of detail, might be nice to look at for awhile. But in the end, it isn’t meant to be engaged with– it sits idly on the mantle, ...
By: Turd on a Stick
Hands on Shit: Michaelangelo Matos in the Turd Factory
2007-08-30 09:28:00 Turds are everywhere, and seldom more so than this year. A freaking Mormon, who likes to torture teens is set to run for the White House, and this week Australian Prime Minister John Howard declared that any planes who stray into downtown Sydney’s airspace during the APEC Summit will be shot down which ...
By: Turd on a Stick
Turd and Sebastian
2007-08-28 08:12:00 We give those sensitive indie rockers from Glasgow… Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
Barry Bonds handed big steaming turd
2007-08-25 04:21:00 SAN FRANCISCO — Barry Bonds basked in hometown adulation Friday during a celebration where he received a steaming big turd from TOAS and heard every mention of the steroid controversy that dogged him on the way to the career home run record. Bonds was joined on a stage at Justin Herman Plaza by family, teammates, politicians ...
By: Turd on a Stick
Can Turd Blossom Save the Party?
2007-08-25 03:39:00 Karl Rove leaves the Bush white house 18 months before it's end to try to help the incumbent republicans attempt to recover from their support of the war that Rove himself helped propagate. It seems like a catch-22, but it is just another day at the office for "the architect."...
By: Crooked Inc.
THE BLOSSOM FALLS OFF THE TURD
2007-08-14 18:32:00 One day in our nation’s history, George C. Marshall entered the Oval Office. He had a document that required the attention of President Truman. And, a decision about what to do with it. For it was at that time, political dynamite. Marshall was the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army in World War II. He ...
“Turd Blossom” Rove About To Flee The Long Arm Of The Law
2007-08-14 06:40:00 I’ve refrained from weighing in on this Karl Rove thing just because everybody else is doing such a good job of it. I could’ve written twenty posts on this topic with nothing more than what HE said, or what SHE said, or what HE said, or what SHE said, etc., etc., etc. And, ...
Turd Blossom's Greatest Hits
2007-08-13 17:57:00 Why, I, I?I?m just in shock!How could it be that the ?boy genius? of Bushco is departing? Just when we need him the most (for scorn and ridicule, that is)?The ?architect? of the political divisiveness so essential for this criminal regime to operate like the self-congratulatory, clueless machine of utter political and human destruction that it is has decided to, as Atrios put it, pick up his marbles and go home?As georgia 10 supposes here, you don?t think it has anything to do with, among other things, the ongoing investigation into whether or not he broke federal laws by making political presentations to government employees encouraging them to find ways to support Republican candidates, do you?Or Rove?s first-denied role in the U.S. Attorneys scandal, in which those who were wrongly let go chose not to issue politically motivated charges aimed at Democratic candidates in an effort to make them look bad on the eve of an election, only to have the charges withdrawn after Election Da...
Add One to the Turd File, Chris Chambers Arrested for DWI
2007-07-14 22:24:00 As if the offseason for the Dolphins couldn’t get any more erratic, one of the more classier Dolphins gets in trouble with the law. When will these guys learn? Dolphins wide receiver Chris Chambers was arrested in Charlotte early Saturday morning on charges of driving while impaired, reckless driving and speeding, according to ...
By: SporTech Matter
Turd on a Stick - Dirty Tree Fucker Threat
2007-07-11 07:49:00 Don’t Fear the Esoterics: For fans of electric mouth harp music, Turd on a Stick’s - Dirty Tree Fucker Threat is a gift that’s long overdue. TOAS’s fourth album gracefully glides over the same sonic ground that their contemporaries generally tread with reverential obedience or dilettante tactics. Growing into their prodigious own at the ...
By: Turd on a Stick
I?ve Been Called a Turd
2007-07-08 07:49:00 This is awesome. I have finally been called by my proper name: Turd. It seems that there is a debate on whether the music press and music criticism is better in the United States or in the United Kingdom and yours truly has been called a turd and his opinion labeled as WTF! Anyway, here is ...
By: Turd on a Stick
A walking, talking turd
2007-06-25 13:38:00 5:25 am came... early. Yawn. Kid Count was 1 extra here this morning. I've attempted to write three different posts but I find myself getting frustrated, going into the guts of my computer to change things, trying to FIX whatever the heck it is my retarded husband f*cked up on my computer simply by USING IT last night for about 20 minutes. I left the room for 20 minutes to talk with Coffeegirl.
Turd Supply
2007-06-19 02:48:00 Those soft rock renegades from Down Under… Bookmark to:
By: Turd on a Stick
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