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Don’t Mess With Lacrosse Coaches
2008-01-16 05:05:00
Sometimes I wish every sport was like lacrosse. After all, when you think about it, lacrosse really has a lot to offer. Physical play, acrobatic moves, coaches assaulting opposing players. Police at 52 Division confirmed yesterday that Rock coach Glenn Clark has been charged with assault as a result of an incident with a Minnesota player in the corridor near the Toronto dressing room in the moments following the Rock’s overtime loss at the ACC Friday. Ah, the National Lacrosse League. A place where lacrosse players from all over the world can vent their frustration over having to live in underpaid anonymity despite being the best in the world at what they do.
More About: Coaches , Mess

How ‘Bout Dem Wizards!!
2008-01-15 06:26:00
I’m not here to talk about the Wizards play the last three games (although it should be noted that the will, desire, courage, and intestinal fortitude of Caron Butler, Antwan Jamison, Antonio Daniel, DeShawn Stevenson, and the rest of the team has been unbelievable. They’re making free throws and playing defense, and if Gilbert Arenas finds a role when he comes back this team is going to be a force). Anyway, I’m not going to talk about any of that. What I want to talk about is Wizards broadcaster Steve Buckhantz’s claims that the Celtics were pumping crowd noise into TD Banknorth Garden throughout the 2nd half. You know what I have to say to that? Fuck you Boston fans. Brag all you want about your Patriots and your Red Sox. The fact is, you guys are so lame that the team has to create artificial crowd noise during key moments. You guys suck. Other things on my mind… –The other night Joakim’s Noah’s teammates voted to bench him. ...

Reggie Bush Should Be Ryan Grant
2008-01-15 05:26:00
While watching Ryan Grant slice through the Seahawks defense on Saturday, it suddenly hit me. This is the kind of running back Reggie Bush should be. A quick burst to turn the corner. Amazing cuts at full speed. The remarkable acceleration to blow by safeties even after being slowed by hits in the box. Watch Grant get the corner below. Watch his other highlights from Saturday’s game. Now take a look a this highlight video (or one of the many others ) of Bush at USC. Carefully watch some of Bush’s more standard runs. There’s a little more shake ‘n bake than with Grant, but the overall running style is pretty similar. So what makes Grant the stud and Bush the dud? It’s hard to say. Probably Grant read his blockers better and therefore he’s able to hit the hole a split second faster. In the NFL that can make all the difference.
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Attention Jack Del Rio: In-Game Adjustments Please
2008-01-14 06:40:00
Jack Del Rio and the Jags defense had a decent gameplan on Saturday night. They took away the deep ball and made Tom Brady dink and dunk his way down the field—the hope was that a sack, penalty, or dropped pass would kill a few drives. At the very least, the Jags hoped that when the Patriots got deep into their territory, the short field would allow them be a little more aggressive and maybe, just maybe, hold the Patriots to a field goal. Since the way to beat the Patriots is to not give up big plays, try and hold them to field goals, and hope your offense scores a touchdown every time, it was a pretty solid strategy. The problem was that the Jags made two crucial mistakes. The first was that in an effort to take away the big play, the Jags made it way too easy for the Patriots to move the ball into their territory. They never blizted and they handed Wes Welker 9-yard catches on a silver platter. There’s playing it safe, and then there’s playing it too saf...
More About: Game , Jack , Attention

Warning: Conspiracy Theory
2008-01-14 05:39:00
Let me preface this by saying I am not some crazy conspiracy theorist digging for evidence that the NFL is secretly trying to get Brett Favre to the Super Bowl. This was merely my natural reaction the very first time I saw what I am about to show you. Mostly, I’m just writing this to see if anybody else out there noticed what I noticed. Ok, here it is… Late in the first quarter the Packers were driving to try and tie the score at 14. In one of the games most crucial sequences, Bubba Franks caught a 3rd down pass and was marked just shy of the first down. The Packers challenged the spot, and when the ball was re-spotted Franks had just enough for a first down. Here’s what caught my eye. After the first down is given the official holding the chain pulls it away from the ball (into a position where the spot would have been short), and in doing so he make it look like there was extra slack in the chain during the measurement. You can see it in the video at about the...
More About: Theory , Warning , Conspiracy , Conspiracy Theory , Theo

The Weekly Shakedown
2008-01-11 07:28:00
(Every week there are a number of that stories slip through the cracks here at Shakedown Sports. Here are just a few of them.) –Tom Brady was named NFL MVP after receiving 49 out of the possible 50 votes. Brett Favre came in a distant 2nd, but it’s just as well he didn’t win. There’s no doubt some horrible tragedy (probably hurricane destruction) would have befallen the award if it was put in Favre’s possession. –Major League Baseball and the NFL have each pledged $3 million to the USOC to fund anti-doping research. Hey that’s good. Instead of spending money on immediately ridding their leagues of performance enhancing drugs, MLB and the NFL are spending money so that they can ignore a bunch of new research ten years from now. –The World Series Trophy will go on a mini-tour in the state of Connecticut. I’m really not sure this is a good idea—there are a lot of Yankee fans in Connecticut. The Red Sox should make sure to ...
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Now They’ve Gone Too Far
2008-01-11 06:28:00
Since it the WGA strike began, its affects have been felt in almost all aspects of the television industry. Fortunately, sports are one area that’s emerged relatively unscathed—until now. The lack of original prime time programming on network television is going to lead to an increase in broadcasts of figure skating. A schedule change owing peripherally to the writers’ strike will give the sport two nights in prime time during the U.S. Championships later this month in St. Paul. And NBC, the U.S. Figure Skating Association’s new broadcast partner, promises significant promotion of the telecasts, according to spokesman Mike McCarley. Note to self: Do not watch NBC. Why? That’s my question. Are Seinfeld re-runs that expensive? Why show figure skating? It’s the most boring television sport of all time—and that’s completely independent of the fact that I care more about the fate of Croatian national basketball team that I do about th...

Clemens-McNamee: A Feud as Old as the Art of Lying
2008-01-10 06:40:00
The battle gearing up between Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee (the man who allegedly punctured the skin of Clemens’ ass with a steroid needle) is underway and has no clear end in sight. But before everybody gets swept up in talk of legal strategy, witnesses, and finely crafted statements, we should all take a step back and appreciate how this is one of most interesting and unique legal and PR battles of all time. Basically, the whole thing amounts to a simple “he said/she said” fight. Two people claim they are telling the truth and that the other is lying. Only one can be right. This sort of thing has probably going on since the beginning of time. I’m sure that on the banks of the Euphrates River in good ol’ Mesopotamia there were countless times where a shepherd’s sheep west missing and there were only two suspects. Each suspect would claim they were innocent and that the other shepherd was lying. What’s remarkable about the Clemens-...
More About: Lying , Feud

American Gladiators–The Glass is Half Full Outlook
2008-01-09 05:49:00
After a lengthy 17 minutes of careful thinking about the new American Gladiators, I have finally decided that yes, it’s so bad, it’s good. The show is even so bad, it’s really good. So what if it’s made like a shitty MTV reality show (”Date My Mom” comes to mind), once you’re able to get past the notion that it is not a well-produced, exhilarating game show (and never will be what you hoped it would be), its possible to see how the new American Gladiators is one of the funniest shows of all time. Take the spoon-fed lines the contestants have to say before each event. They’re ridiculous, awkward and completely without humor. When one contestant says “These gladiators are such good athletes—the Raiders could use them” it goes beyond simply not being funny. As he says it you can imagine a tumbleweed rolling by and crickets chirping over the deafening silence. But when you watch him say it again with the knowledge that this contestant was...
More About: Outlook , Glass , Full , Half

Ohio State Loses, Ted Ginn Jr. Emerges Unscathed
2008-01-08 07:13:00
Last night LSU finally put an end to a college football season everybody would like to forget (well, everybody except LSU, Appalachian St., and that guy from Missouri who finally felt the sweet touch of a woman after the Tigers beat Kansas.) Les Miles’ team played very well, and in doing so they erased the memory of some poor performances and left people with a good feeling about the recipient of the National Championship trophy. I am thankful for this because it means the college football chatter will finally give way to less hackneyed topics (such as college basketball). Here are three other things I’m extremely thankful for: –The highlight of the game: Chris Rose asking Les Miles “It’s been an amazing year…what did you learn about your kids that you didn’t know about them back in August?” and having Miles respond “nothing.” Rose had been working on that question for five weeks. After careful consideration those were the words he chose to pref...
More About: Ohio , State , Ted Ginn Jr , Ohio State

The Kevin Durant Tax
2008-01-07 07:44:00
Oklahoma City has set a date in early March to vote on a 1 cent sales tax that will be used to fund improvements to the Ford Center in the hope of landing an NBA team (don’t tell Seattle residents, but it’s the Sonics). Whenever there’s a vote like this I always wonder what the people with no interest in professional sports are thinking. They don’t give a shit about luring the Sonics to their city. What they give a shit about is having to pay 1 cent more for toilet paper. Imagine if all of the sudden you had to pay a few cents more so your city could build a $200 million museum dedicated to the history of ballet. You would flip your shit. (That’s sort of what happened in Pittsburgh—after using taxpayer funds to build stadiums for the Steelers and Pirates, the good citizens had enough. They turned their backs on giving the Penguins a new arena and the team nearly left town. Fortunately, the good people who build slot machines and casinos were...
More About: Kevin Durant , Kevin

Trash Talk, Momentum, and the Art of the Hold
2008-01-07 06:42:00
The Steelers were trailing 28-17. Cedric Wilson had just caught a pass that gave his team a first down at the Jags 14-yard line. There was only one thing the Jags could do. It was time for some trash talk. Brian Williams, the man who made the tackle, started jawing with Wilson. Hines Ward then stepped into the fray and he and Williams went at it—Ward undoubtedly telling Williams the lead was slipping away, and Williams surely responding with some variation of “look at the scoreboard.” It was at that moment I realized that trash-talking is the NFL’s version of a hockey fight. It has no rhyme or reason, and no direct effect on the game. But when things aren’t going well you just do it in the hope of swinging momentum in your favor. That moment in Pittsburgh was like when a hockey team has their 3-0 lead cut to 3-2. But instead of sending out an enforcer to start a fight (I don’t know what it is about watching two guys pummel each other tha...
More About: Talk , Momentum , Hold , Trash

The Weekly Shakedown
2008-01-04 19:30:00
(Every week there are a number of that stories slip through the cracks here at Shakedown Sports. Here are just a few of them.) –On Sunday night Roger Clemens will appear on 60 Minutes to deny that he took steroids. Unfortunately, about 40 minutes into the show Clemens severely damages his credibility when he denies he has ever appeared on 60 Minutes. –Jose Canseco finalized a book deal for a sequel to “Juiced” that is tentatively titled “Vindicated.” Canseco says the book will be a lot like the Mitchell Report, only he won’t leave out all the guys on the Red Sox who did steroids. –The Bucs and Ticketmaster announced they will no longer restrict sales of tickets to the Bucs-Giants game to Florida residents. Hey look, something that could maybe, kind of, possibly be construed as a victory for the Hillary Clinton campaign. –ESPN is reporting that the Celtics lead the NBA in merchandise sales. The team credits the sales to new add ...
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Belated Monday Afternoon TPS Report
2008-01-03 06:20:00
How to Lose to the Patriots in 6 Minutes The Giants coaching staff did a lot of good things on Sunday. Then in the blink of an eye they put on a coaching clinic on how to let the Patriots beat you. Let’s begin early in the 4th quarter with the Giants facing 3rd and 11 and clinging to a 28-23 lead. Tom Coughlin and offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride decided to call conservative little quick out that resulted in a four yard gain and a punt. Um…are the Giants insane? Were they trying to lose? (Those are all serious questions by the way.) How could they basically forfeit a posession when they knew they would need one or two more touchdowns to win the game? A quick out is an ok call if you can realistically expect to win the game 28-23. The Giants could not do that. Let’s pick up the action again a mere 60 seconds later. The Patriots face 3rd and 10 from their own 35. Up until that point the Giants had been able to put an incredible amount of pressure on Tom ...
More About: Report , Afternoon , Monday

A Brief Intermission
2007-12-28 19:41:00
This seems like as good a time as any to take a few days off from the blogosphere, but I should be back by Wednesday and better than ever. In the meantime, enjoy this photograph of Phillip Rivers.
More About: Missi

NFL Italy?
2007-12-27 07:55:00
Apparently Jon Stocco wants to be just like Stephon Marbury. Sort of. The former Wisconsin quarterback has agreed to join the Milan Rhinos of NFL Italy —a league also known as the Lega Nazionale Football Americano Italiano. (Personally, I prefer the latter name—it makes the league sound less like a shitty, shitty version of the NFL.) Stocco doesn’t know how the Rhinos found him, but one day team called his father in Minnesota to ask about signing him. The best part of this whole situation is how the team is touting its new quarterback. The Rhinos released a statement about how excited they were to have Stocco, lauding his credentials that include a 29-7 record as a three-year starter for the Badgers and back-to-back Capital One Bowl victories, including MVP honors in his final game nearly 12 months ago. The Rhinos called Stocco the 19th best quarterback in this year’s NFL draft class. The 19th best quarterback!! Two Capital One Bowl Victories!!! Sweet!! Fo...

Ralph Friedgen’s Palace of Motivation
2007-12-27 06:44:00
Probably the most underrated aspect of bowl season is the activities and team-building exercises that teams do in their new cities. Take Maryland for example. The Terps are in San Francisco for the Emerald Bowl and coach Fridge thought “What better to do than take my team to see Alcatraz.” And so that’s where they went. While on the island the team learned that contrary to popular belief, Alcatraz wasn’t built for the movie “The Rock,” but rather to house very bad people. Overall, it was a fabulous trip, and it had the added bonus of reminding players where they might end up if they don’t play their butts and impress NFL scouts. Now that’s what I call motivation. Oregon State better watch out tomorrow.
More About: Motivation , Palace

A Few Things That Might Interest You
2007-12-26 08:18:00
—Penguins winger Colby Armstrong nearly suffered a serious injury after taking a big hit…from a Christmas tree. “I was setting it up, and it was a little crooked, so I reached in to just give the thing a little shake in the stand,” he said. “I gave it a shake, and one of the branches flickered and hit my [right] eye. “All night long, while I was laying in bed, my eye was just killing me,” he said. “I tried contact solution, everything.” Eventually Armstrong did find some eye drops that helped and he has made a full recovery. —Read this Ivan Carter story about how the Wizards’ happy-go-lucky team surprised new point guard Mike Wilks. If the NBA Championship was decided by locker room awesomeness, the Wizards would have the title wrapped up. —Morris Almond is absolutely tearing up the D-League. In case you don’t remember, there were three shooting guards picked in the first round who people believed might...
More About: Interest , Things , Eres

National Vacation Day
2007-12-25 18:48:00
Since everybody else in the country is taking a day off, I figure I will too. In the tradition of self-promotion, if you’re looking for some holiday reading here’s a little bowl preview I cooked up. It’s undoubtedly one of the 500 best bowl previews written this year.
More About: National , Vacation

Week 16 Monday Afternoon TPS Report
2007-12-24 09:24:00
I Now Direct Your Microscope to Terrell Owens’ Ankle The true status of Owens’ injured left ankle is about to become the most fiercely guarded secret in football. The Cowboys will do whatever it takes to convince future opponents that Owens’ is still capable of being a dangerous offensive weapon. That might entail hiring Nate Newton to guard the medical reports, or leaking stories about the healing powers of a new magical oxygen chamber. However serious Owens’ ankle injury is, the Cowboys will never let anybody know. So far, the team has only said is that Owens will not play this week, and I suspect “questionable” will be soon be the word most commonly used to describe his status. When all is said and done, I bet Owens will do whatever it takes to come back, but he won’t be at full strength and he’ll end up a complete non-factor in a Cowboys loss. Then he’ll criticize Donovan McNabb’s leadership skills. Herm Edwards: Master of Motivation The Chiefs...
More About: Report , Week , Afternoon , Monday

Mmmm…Statistical Analysis
2007-12-21 19:31:00
Have you ever wondered exactly how much each game affects your team’s playoffs chances? Check out this site which shows how each NFL game affects the Browns postseason prospects. It’s fun for the whole family. In case you were wondering, last night’s Steelers victory decreased the Browns chances by 1.5% and lowered their expected playoff seed by .45.
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The Weekly Shakedown
2007-12-21 19:06:00
(Every week there are a number of that stories slip through the cracks here at Shakedown Sports. Here are just a few of them.) –Chris Webber is reportedly considering making a comeback with the Pistons and could return as soon as January. Awesome. If Webber returns he could team with Antonio McDyess to form an unstoppable one-two punch of aging big men with no cartilage left in their knees. –Tickemaster and the NFL have signed a deal to join forces in creating a website where people can re-sell NFL tickets. The goal is get back ticket revenues the league is losing to other resale website such as StubHub. With so many crappy teams nobody wants to see, that’s a lot of revenue. –The Penguins and Flyers are considering playing an outdoor game on the campus of Penn State. Flyers G.M. Paul Holmgren thinks the game could draw as many as 100,000 people, at least 80,000 of which should make it to the end of the game without being kicked out for drunken fighting. &...
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How to Beat the Cowboys 101
2007-12-20 19:34:00
Trying to beat a 12-2 team can be overwhelming for an opponent.  But screw game-planning, screw strategy, screw playcalling. Tony Romo was an abysmal 14-29 with 142 yards and 2 int, for a 45.5 passer rating, when then gf Carrie Underwood attended one of Romo’s games last season. And of course we know what happened this year with Simpson….Anyways, a little website called Ruin Romo has taken advantage of this distinct weakness Romo possesses. Oppossing fans can now go the site and download Jessica Simpson masks and wear them to the game. If Romo throws up a 22.2 qb rating with 1 Jessica Simpson in attendance, can you imagine how bad things will get if there are 30,000 in attendance?
More About: Cowboys , Beat

The Most Ironic Injury Ever
2007-12-20 05:54:00
Laveraneous Coles has been nursing a sore ankle for most of the season. Despite the pain, he expected to play last Sunday against the Patriots. Unfortunately, the day before the game Coles re-aggravated the injury when—get this—a training table collapsed on his ankle. “I had a setback (Saturday) at the hotel,” Coles said. “Getting treatment, one of the tables was kind of loose and I ended up falling off the table. Table was loose and it came down on my leg. That set me back a whole lot. Only the New York Jets could have a player get injured while he’s getting treatment for an injury. Only the Jets. The table actually ended up causing enough damage that Coles had to leave the game in the first quarter and couldn’t return. Now it’s possible he’ll be put on injured reserve. If Jerricho Cotchery is smart he’ll seek medical treatment on his injured finger from an independent third party.
More About: Injury , Ironic

Who Wants to Go to the Pro Bowl?
2007-12-20 05:25:00
The final two weeks of the NFL season mean only one thing: We’re less than two months away from the Pro Bowl . And guess what? State Farm, the NFL, and Howie Long are trying to do the impossible. They’re trying to generate interest in the least important football game in America by sending you there for free. All you need to do is fill out this form. You know what, this might actually be a contest you can win. How many people do you think are sitting around trying to figure out how they can get to the Pro Bowl ? Seven? Twenty-two? It’s also worth checking out the site so you can get a look at Howie Long prancing around in a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. I can just picture him strolling around the beach, attempting to convince some young co-eds that he used to be a star in the NFL.

Brian Billick is Off His Rocker
2007-12-19 10:27:00
Brian Billick was wrong to kick a field on the last play of regulation against the Dolphins, and the media correctly blasted him for it. At that point I was ready to let it go. But then I read Billick’s explanation for the decision. It turns out he’s completely insane. “Part of the calculation was, had we gone for it, if [the Dolphins] could’ve snuck a 12th man on the field, all 12 would’ve been up in the gaps, and they would’ve sold out totally for the run,” Billick said. “So had we gone for it, we probably would have needed to throw the ball. Because if we had run it, we’d probably — no commentary on us offensively or the line or the ability to run the ball — but they were going to shove everybody in there. “So a play-action pass would’ve been good because their calculation would’ve been, maybe it’s a bad pass, maybe we get a tip, maybe it’s blocked or dropped. Had we done that, af...
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Roger Clemens: Master of Semantics
2007-12-19 06:27:00
Roger Clemens claims he has never used steroids. Hooray. But is that really what his statement says? Let’s take a look at Clemens’ official denial: I want to state clearly and without qualification: I did not take steroids, human growth hormone or any other banned substances at any time in my baseball career or, in fact, my entire life. Ok. Sounds good. But does “I did not take” rule out “somebody injected in my ass”? Clemens could arguably say that his statement is the literal truth even if he actually had steroids injected in his ass. After all, “I” (meaning Clemens) did not actually do anything. The whole thing is just like President Clinton re-defining what it means to “smoke marijuana” or “have sex.” Basically, Clemens is re-defining what it means to “take steroids.” It’s possible that in his mind (and by that I mean his lawyer’s mind) “taking steroids” is different...
More About: Roger Clemens , Master , Aster

That Was Some Backfield
2007-12-18 06:02:00
Troy Hambrick has done some good things in his life, many of them in 2003 when he became a fantasy football stalwart and helped lead the Cowboys to the playoffs. But earlier this month Hambrick was indicted by a federal grand jury on crack dealing charges. The former 900 yard rusher had recently been signed by the Utah Blaze of the Arena Football League, but the team released him after he was indicted. So why am I brining all this up? Because during that fateful 2003 season in Dallas the man handing the ball off to Hambrick was Quincy Carter, the proud owner of two marijuana possession arrests. The big question that then arises is if the three arrests between Hambrick and Carter make them the most drug-arrested backfield of all time? Let’s see. Jamal Lewis and Bam Morris each played with law-abiding quarterbacks. Todd Marinovich’s running backs were clean. Chris Henry doesn’t qualify because he’s a receiver. I haven’t been able to get confirmati...
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Week 15 Monday Afternoon TPS Report
2007-12-17 09:41:00
Eagles Beat Cowboys, Screw Redskins The Eagles beat one division rival on Sunday, and with that victory came the bonus of screwing over another division rival. Because the Cowboys lost this week, their game against the Redskins on the last Sunday of the season will likely mean something. That should make the Redskins’ path to the post-season a whole lot tougher. Bill Belichick Paranoia Moment O’ the Week According to Tim MacMahon of the Dallas Morning News two guys on the Eagles sideline had the assigned task of holding up towels the hide the team’s defensive signals. Stuff You Don’t Want to Miss… –There’s a reason Brian Westbrook took a knee at the 1-yard line. That reason is Jon Runyan. Only an offensive lineman could instill that kind of unselfishness. –The news continues to get worse for the Giants. On Sunday the ice and wind collapsed their practice bubble. That wind would then proceed to wreak havoc on anything and everythin...
More About: Report , Afternoon , Monday

The Weekly Shakedown
2007-12-14 19:16:00
(Every week there are a number of that stories slip through the cracks here at Shakedown Sports. Here are just a few of them.) –The Blazers announced that they plan to sell the naming rights to the Rose Garden. Although Paul Allen says he is in talks with both regional and national firms, if Greg Oden makes a full recovery the team might just name the arena after his orthopedic surgeon. –Thirty-two years after he left Alabama, Joe Namath is finally getting his degree. The accomplishment allows Namath to make good on his much less-publicized guarantee that he would graduate from college. –The Chicago History Museum paid $100,000 to win an auction for a set of documents, letters, and memos regarding the 1919 Black Sox scandal. The new Black Sox display will be built in the space that was reserved for Mark Prior’s lifetime achievement exhibit. –The IOC denied Tibet’s application to field a team in the 2008 Olympics. The decision is a tough break for Tibe...
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