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Wanted: Video Goal-Judge
2008-05-12 08:23:00
Do you live in the Halifax area? Are you looking for a part-time job? If you answered yes to both questions, the 2008 IIHF World Hockey Championship might be the place for you. The tournament is looking for a new video goal-judge because, well, just check this out:I still can't wrap my head around the fact that after the video review, the "goal" still counted. It's pretty clear to any douchebag out there that the puck went through the side of the net. I smell an anti-USA conspiracy because, well, wow.And don't ask about the music being played in the clip. It's weird as hell, I know, but I must say it does work well with my conspiracy theory.Finland ended up winning the game 3-to-2. Team USA head coach John Tortorella was, umm, peeved after the game. Can you blame him?Imagine if something like this happened to Team Canada. There would be riots and violence in the streets. A blunder of this magnitude should not be happening at a major tournament being held in Canada. It's pretty ...
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Chris Bosh needs a new hobby...
2008-05-11 07:12:00
Chris Bosh took the Toronto Raptors' playoff defeat really hard. It's killing him that his season is over. As the video below will show you, he's really having a hard time figuring out what to do with all of his free time.His first movie, the plea to get himself voted into the All-Star game, was all good and fun. Now Bosh's movie-making fetish is just getting weird. Anybody else get the feeling that Bosh is just trying too damn hard? Dude needs a new hobby. Perhaps Bosh should spend a little less time in front of the camera and, like Chris Black said, a little more time in the weight room. And maybe Andrea Bargnani can join him. God knows he could use the reps...And just in case Bryan Colangelo didn't have enough on his plate this summer, Jose Calderon has come out and said he wants to be a starter. Not surprising considering the way Jose played this past season. He's a starter in this league, no doubt. The months ahead will be mighty interesting...And Mike D'Antoni is leavin...
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Bring Back Burns
2008-05-08 14:20:00
The axe finally fell on Paul Maurice yesterday. Fired. Relieved of his duties. Released. Not exactly what I would call earth-shattering news. We all saw this one coming from a kilometre away.I'm not going to dwell too much on Maurice's tenure with the Toronto Maple Leafs. He simply didn't get the job done. Under his tutelage the Leafs were unable to win on home ice, sported a mediocre power play, and were frighteningly awful at killing penalties. Most importantly, the team didn't make the playoffs.I can't honestly say I'm going to miss him. As I've written before, his track record speaks for itself and, well, it ain't making a whole lot of noise. Maurice just isn't that great of a coach.Yes, Maurice is good people. And a great quote. I hope he lands on his feet and gets another job in the NHL if that is what he desires. However, good guys always finish last. Dead last. Or, well, 24th in the 30 team NHL.You know who else was a great quote? Pat Burns . And he was pretty good a...
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The End Of Salami And Cheese...
2008-05-07 06:04:00
It is a sad, sad day in Toronto. In fact, it's the end of an era. Chuck Swirsky, the voice of the Toronto Raptors, is leaving town and heading south to Chicago. This is, as they say, fucking brutal.Chuck...the Swirsk...*cue silent moments of reflection*Man, I am going to miss him. To think that there won't ever be another call to "get out the salami and cheese" is heartbreaking. Quite. I think this hurts even more than the severe rapeage playoff ouster at the hands of Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic.Chuck was a rudey. Still is. Was hands down the best play-by-play announcer in this city. Joe Bowen is up there but I think Chuck's, well, Chuckisms put him over the top. It's hard to imagine a Raptors game without the standard Swirsky sound bites:Toronto's loss is Chicago's gain. Swirsky is returning to the Windy City and will be calling Bulls games on Chicago radio. It is, as Doug Smith so kindly reports, stricly a family-oriented move. Say what you want about the Swirsk, but...
More About: Cheese

Best Save Ever...For Real This Time
2008-05-05 07:37:00
Evgeni Nabokov already made the save of the playoffs a few weeks ago, but he one-upped himself yesterday. He was at his ridiculous-robbery-best again last night, and I think this one's even better, considering it was overtime and his team was facing elimination.He and his Sharks may have lost the game, and the series, but Nabokov's a straight rude boy.Best. Save . Ever.
More About: Time , Real

Nostalgic
2008-05-01 07:40:00
Last night, as I read the numerous post-mortems on the Toronto Raptors season, watched another NHL playoff game that didn't involve the Toronto Maple Leafs, and watched the Toronto Blue Jays lose another heartbreaker (where is the bloody offense!?!?), I began to think about better days.Days back in 1993, in particular. "The good old days." Fifteen years ago. Geezus. Time flies.As I thought to myself, "I shouldn't be watching the God damn Habs and Flyers," my thoughts drifted to the spring of 1993 and the man who represented those wonderful times, number 93 himself.Doug Gilmour. My first love. If that video doesn't bring a smile to your face, your heart is made of stone."Boy, oh boy, he's a beauty!" Indeed, Don Cherry, indeed.Meanwhile, the offensive juggernot known as the Toronto Blue Jays wasted another magical pitching performance, this time from Dustin McGowan. This team is really starting to piss me off. They've managed only one run and seven hits in their last 18 innings. ...
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I Miss You
2008-04-30 07:19:00
Reed Johnson may be gone, but he is certainly not forgotten...
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Deep Thoughts Vol. 6
2008-04-29 06:44:00
Do you hear that? Over in la belle provence? That's the collective "Uh-Oh" coming from the good folks in Montreal after Carey Price channeled his inner Andrew Raycroft last night in Philadelphia, allowing three goals on only 12 shots.More and more is Price beginning to look like the 20-year-old kid he is. The pressure in the Stanley Cup playoffs is immense and Philadelphia is a tough building to play in.Here's what I wrote back on April 3: "I think, and hope, the Canadiens end up regretting trading (Cristobal) Huet instead of keeping him as insurance for the playoffs."Dreams, my friends, can come true. With the Flyers now up two-to-one over Montreal, I can't help but think of Happy Gilmore headbutting Bob Barker and telling him: "The price is wrong, bitch." Best. Cameo. Appearance. Ever.------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------- --------------------Still on the Flyers/Habs series, is Darian Hatcher not the biggest doofus in the NHL? His hit from ...
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Uh, It's Over, Umm, Bitches...
2008-04-29 05:59:00
So much for wanting to play the Orlando Magic. Just like that, the Toronto Raptors are done, eliminated in five games by Superman and his three-point shooting cronies. It was an ugly game to cap off an ugly series and one ugly season.I don't mean to be rude, but where the fuck was Chris Bosh last night? He finished with only 16 points on 7-of-19 shooting, nine rebounds, and three assists. Most discouraging of all, he only went to the free throw line four times all game. Four times! That's it. His first trip to the charity stripe came with about seven minutes left in the fourth quarter.Bosh's strength is getting to the line and hitting his free throws, and he was the opposite of aggressive last night. He put up some serious bricks. It was a disappointing effort by the franchise player in the biggest game of the season. Bosh had to set the tone and lead the charge and, well, he didn't.I'm not throwing Bosh under the bus but he didn't play his best game last night. He knows it, I...
More About: Bitches

It's A Series, Bitches!
2008-04-25 14:58:00
Yes, Raptors! We're back in it, baby. Back on our floor in front of a raucous crowd, the home team did not disappoint. Toronto now trails Orlando 2-1 and this series is far from over. I wasn’t able to watch the game, save for the final seven minutes at a downtown establishment with my good friend Hoegarden. And, trust me, I enjoyed those seven minutes. As I was perusing the box score after the game, it was clear why the Raptors were victorious: point guard production. I was all over T.J. Ford after game two but, boy, did he ever come back with a strong game. He and Jose Calderon (Jose, JoseJoseJose!) dominated Jameer Nelson and Carlos Arroyo. Here’s the line from the dynamic point guard duo: 39 points off 13-of-19 shooting from the floor, 12 rebounds, 16 assists, two steals, and only four turnovers. That, my friends, is domination. If the Raptors can get production out of Forderon such as they received last night, this series is ours. I was wrong, as usual...
More About: Series , Bitches

Shattered Dream
2008-04-24 08:34:00
Brian Burke will not be riding into town on a white horse, the man ready, willing, and able to fix the Toronto Maple Leafs. He's staying in Anaheim. Pardon my language, but, well, fuck.Burke, and his 2007 Stanley Cup championship ring, still has one year left on his contract as general manager of the Anaheim Ducks. He's going to serve it.I so thought Burke was coming to Toronto. I've been telling people for about two weeks now that it was only a formality, that once the Ducks were eliminated from the playoffs the wheels would be set in motion. Well, no more motion. Hell, the motion never even began. The dream is dead.Sean over at Down Goes Brown called it a couple of weeks ago. For those of you that aren't familiar with his blog, he's a Leafs fan living in Ottawa - yes, you should feel sorry for him - and let's just say he's a, uh, glass half-empty type of guy. Check out his blog, it's good stuff. He's our source for what's happening in that God-forsaken city.Anyway, here...
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I'm Off Disney World, Huge
2008-04-24 05:58:00
I'm beginning to hate Orlando. And I've never even been there. The city has not been kind to my Toronto Raptors or Toronto Blue Jays in recent days. I thought Disney World was where dreams come true?I don't know about you, but I'm still having nightmares from the first quarter of game one between the Raptors and Orlando Magic. You know, when Orlando scored 43 points on 80 percent - 80 freaking percent - shooting from the floor, including nine of 11 from deep. I'm still waking up in a cold sweat after seeing Maurice Evans, Rashard Lewis and Jameer Nelson drain three-ball after three-ball after three-ball in my sleep. What a frightening 12 minutes of basketball.You could take that first quarter and label it "How Not To Play Defense". Make it an instructional video, or something.Toronto, unbelievably, got off to another porous start on Tuesday night, allowing 35 first quarter points. It's an improvement on 43, but unacceptable nonetheless. While many are quick to blame Sam Mitche...
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Deep Thoughts Vol. 5: Playoff Hockey
2008-04-22 06:30:00
Even though the Maple Leafs are off enjoying the marvelous spring time weather these days in Toronto (read: they're golfing), I still find myself glued to the television each night to watch playoff hockey. The playoffs are a beautiful thing.So, how about Martin Brodeur's pure snubbage of SuperDouche Sean Avery after the Devils were eliminated on Friday night? Pretty low of Brodeur if you ask me. Well, even if you didn't ask me, I'm telling you. That's, umm, kind of the point of this blog.Anyway, I think it (the snubbery) only proved how effective Avery was at throwing Brodeur off his game. Marty didn't have a Brodeur-type series. Far from it. He finished 1-4 with a 3.19 goals against average and an .891 save percentage and was a big reason why the Devils were dispatched so quickly in five games (I predicted the Devils to win, of course). Avery was in Marty's head, no doubt.George Vecsey wrote an interesting column about the Avery/Brodeur drama in the New York Times. Check it ...
More About: Hockey , Thoughts , Deep Thoughts , Deep

Bye Bye Big Hurt
2008-04-20 17:56:00
This just in from the Holy Shit Department: Frank Thomas has been released. After benching him yesterday afternoon, the Jays handed The Big Hurt is walking papers this morning. Colour me surprised. And perplexed.I was going to write about Thomas' benching last night. I even had a title - "Trouble Brewin" - ready to go, in honour of the cancer that Frank was about to become in the Toronto clubhouse. It didn't happen and I woke up this morning, headed over to TSN.ca, and there it was. I guess the Jays had to act fast in order to keep the infection known as the Frank the Tank from spreading.Thomas' release is all about $$$$$. When he signed his two-year, $18 million deal with Toronto in 2006, it included a $10 million option for 2009 based on plate appearances. Frank was healthy last season and healthy so far this season, and was inching ever so slowly to locking up that $10 million. Heading into game one of the season, he needed only 376 appearances in the batters box to do so.The ...

See Ya
2008-04-17 05:58:00
Sometimes pictures are all you need...

Sean Avery: Super Douche, and Hopefully Future Maple Leaf
2008-04-15 07:51:00
If you were to look up "douche bag" in the (urban) dictionary, you'd find a picture of Sean Avery. He is the ultimate douche. The lowest of the low. I hate him. And that's why I want to see him become a Toronto Maple Leaf .Avery's been all over the news for his most recent antics on Sunday night against Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils. If you haven't seen Avery's latest douche-baggery, check it out, because it's pretty unbelievable what this guy is capable of.Pretty wild shit, eh? Not only did Avery screen Brodeur in a way no player ever has before, he ended up scoring on Marty after the fact. Salt in the wounds, man. And, as the picture above indicates, there isn't a worse goal-scoring celebration out there than Avery's. Dude is incorrigible.The only people who can stand Avery and his shenanigans are his teammates and New York Rangers fans. Avery's the type of guy everyone hates. Unless he plays for your team. Then you love him. He is Darcy Tucker, circa 1998, on s...
More About: Future , Super , Sean Avery

Best Save Ever
2008-04-11 08:04:00
This just in: San Jose Sharks goalie Evgeni Nabokov is good. He robbed, and I mean robbed, Owen Nolan last night. They don't come much better than this, folks:The Calgary Flames/San Jose Sharks series is turning into a beaut. Two great teams, and two unbelievable goaltenders. The series is tied 1-1, and I'm beginning to smell a game seven.Ain't nothing like the first round of the NHL playoffs.I am going Cup crazy. And the best - Ovechkin - is yet to come.
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Concerned
2008-04-10 05:28:00
Jeremy Accardo blew the save. Second game in a row where he's given up the game winning run. Not good. I'm becoming a little concerned about our closer.Nursing a 3-2 lead, Accardo beaned the first batter he faced and then gave up a triple to Jays killer Mark Ellis. He then struck out Daric Brown and intentionally walked Jack Cust before being relieved by Brian Wolfe. As a matter of fact, I'm not really feeling Wolfe all that much either right now.Give Accardo a blown save and the loss, his second consecutive one. After being charged with four earned runs, Accardo's ERA is now 10.38. Even more disconcerting is that opponents are batting over .370 against him. Yikes.Let me be clear: I'm not worried about Jeremy Accardo. He proved last year that he could be an effective closer in the American League East, and I'm not about to write him off after five games this season. I'm just a little concerned.So, umm, B.J. Ryan, how you doin' buddy?And on a side note, why can't the Jays hi...
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First Round Predictions
2008-04-09 07:19:00
The Stanley Cup playoffs begin tonight. Sixteen teams are on a mission to be the one to hoist the most beautiful trophy in pro sports. It's time for me to predict, with stunning accuracy, who will still be standing after the first round.Since everyone and their monkey - that's Maggie the Monkey - are offering their predictions, I figured I might as well get in on the party. Before I begin I must admit that today is a sad and most difficult day because, much like me, the Toronto Maple Leafs will be watching the playoffs on television. I shouldn't be writing about my predictions for the first round. I should be writing about the start of an epic Toronto/Montreal first round playoff battle. It is truly a shame that the Leafs suck.Let's do this.Eastern ConferenceMontreal (1) vs Boston (8): Montreal in five games.Two things I can't for the life of me figure out: how Montreal finished first in the East and how they beat Boston eight times in the regular season. I don't get it. I bel...
More About: Predictions , Round

I'm So Excited And I Just Can't Hide It
2008-04-08 07:18:00
I'm beginning to get super excited about the 2008 Toronto Blue Jays. Sure, the uber-long baseball season is only six games old, but it seems there's something different about this Jays team.It's true, folks - I'm thinking playoffs. Yes, Already. I've got visions of a pennant dancing in my head.After playing well in the season-opening series against the New York Yankees but winning only one of three in the Bronx, the Jays came home and swept the road-weary Boston Red Sox right out of town. It was a statement sweep. A "we aren't going to finish third in the AL East" sweep. And I'm pumped up about it.I was at the home opener on Friday night. It was a doozy. The Rogers Centre was full and the alcohol was certainly flowing. There were half-assed streakers, a few Massholes, and a ton of fights. Up in the 500 level where I was seated, Jays fans were even fighting each other. It was pretty ridiculous. The Jays fans-on-Jays fans violence has to stop.Anyway, I'm tickled with excitemen...
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A Long, Long, Long Off-Season
2008-04-07 07:41:00
The season is finally, mercifully, over. For the first time since the 1997/1998 campaign the Toronto Maple Leafs finished with fewer than 90 points. We're in for one long off-season my friends, and I've got a ton of questions that need to be answered.It hasn't actually set in that the season is over. It feels a little bit surreal, even. Like I'm trapped in this three year nightmare, with a playoff game nowhere in sight. I guess it'll hit home once the second season begins and I'm cheering for the Washington Capitals instead of my Leafs.These are difficult times, indeed. The franchise is in dire straits. It's impossible to know whether the Leafs can pull a Montreal or Philadelphia and be competitive one year after missing the playoffs. There are simply too many questions to be answered.In honour of that beautiful segue way, lets do this: 20 Questions, Toronto Maple Leafs excruciatingly long off-season edition.1. Will the Leafs target Brian Burke as their new general manager? T...
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Mark Bell Rules
2008-04-04 09:46:00
I have been waiting years to see Daniel Alfredsson get hit the way he did last night. Thanks to one hell of a body check, Mark Bell completely redeemed himself of one horrendous season. Thanks to one hell of a body check, I want Bell to stay in the blue and white.If you didn't see the hit, check it out. Grab some popcorn, a drink, and get comfortable. I think I've watched it about 57 times now, and it is just, well, awesome. And it's even better in slow motion.Alffy is done. Bell sent him back to the 613 area code. That's what Alffy gets for cutting through the Leafs zone, head down and admiring his pass. It's about God damn time someone layed him out. Alfredsson won't suit up tonight for Ottawa, and word has it that he may even miss the first round of the playoffs. While the Leafs couldn't bring the Senators down with them, at least they got Alfredsson. That's one trade off I'll take with open arms.One second, I'll be right back. Going to watch the video again...Ok, I'm ...
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Believe The Hype
2008-04-03 06:26:00
It's not often that I write about teams who don't call Toronto home, but the Washington Capitals are doing something special right now. Only two points out of a playoff spot, the Maple Leafs can help out the Caps in a big way by beating the Ottawa Senators tonight.The Capitals, led by phenom Alexander Ovechkin, are on a mission. Now in his third and most prolific season in the NHL, Ovechkin is done with missing the playoffs. He's going to the dance, come hell or high water.While I think Sidney Crosby is one hell of a hockey player, I think Ovechkin is the better player. The kid does it all, and with pizazz. He bangs, he crashes, and boy does he ever score. While Crosby is a superstar in his own right, I think Ovechkin is the best thing to happen to hockey since Wayne Gretzky.I travelled down to Washington, D.C. with a bunch of friends back in early March to take in a Leafs and Capitals game. I saw Ovechkin play, and score. He is, for lack of a better phrase, fucking awesome.Funny...
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The Leafs Suck At Everything
2008-04-02 09:08:00
As much I hate Andrew Raycroft - and those of you who read this corner regularly know I really, really don’t like the guy – I hate the Buffalo Sabres even more. With a chance to kill Buffalo’s season the Leafs, and Raycroft, did what they always do: fail. Credit’s due where it’s due, and Raycroft was certainly not Raycrap last night. He was on point in the first two periods for the Leafs, shocking for a guy who hasn’t played in an NHL game since January. While his rebound control was once again atrocious, he just didn’t get burned by it last night. The Leafs jumped out to a two-nothing lead after twenty minutes. You know, the dreaded “worst lead in hockey.” I would argue that any lead held by the Toronto Maple Leafs is the worst lead in hockey, because you know it’s not going to last. It didn’t last night. Up 2-1 going into the third, Buffalo tied the game on a phantom goal. The Leafs responded, though, and went up 3-2 thanks to a nifty goal by Alex...
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A New Season
2008-04-02 05:55:00
Every year, it seems, baseball season has this strange way of sneaking up on me. I've got my eye on spring training. I know the regular season is coming. But every April I find myself saying "What the fuck? The Blue Jays are back already?" Well, game one is in the books, and it ended like too many did in 2007.I must admit, I was eagerly anticipating opening day on Monday, especially with the Maple Laughs now booking tee times (seriously, the Maple Leafs golfing jokes never get old; keep 'em coming, douche bags!). An afternoon contest, I was stoked to take in the game at work. Unfortunately, the weather didn't cooperate, and Mother Nature ruined my Monday, already the most difficult day of the week, bar none. Opening day Monday afternoon became opening night on Tuesday, and the Jays and Yankees played the final home opener in the history of the great Yankee Stadium last night. There's nothing quite like opening night, be it at home or on the road. Harry "Doc" Halladay on the moun...
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Hope
2008-03-30 21:14:00
The future was on display last night for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Led by two goals each from youngsters Jiri Tlusty and Anton Stralman, and three assists from Nik Antropov, it seems as though there may be light at the end of the long, long tunnel of disappointment.The game, a 4-2 Leafs final and not-so-classic HNIC encounter between Toronto and Montreal, meant nothing for the home side. So it was to no one's surprise that the Leafs came flying out of the gate, out-shooting the Habs 10-2 in the first twenty minutes.It was a surprise, however, to see Vesa Toskala still between the pipes for the Leafs, making his 30th consecutive start, even though the season is now officially a lost cause. It goes to show just how far Andrew Raycroft's stock has fallen. And it almost makes me feel bad for the guy. Almost. He's still a douche.Raycrap will be between the pipes on Tuesday against the Buffalo Sabres, and I hope the Sabres absolutely crush him. I'm thinking, like, 10-2. One of those se...
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Eliminated
2008-03-28 12:58:00
I come to you today a broken man. It's over. Officially. The Maple Leafs have been eliminated from playoff contention. We didn't even make it to April. For the first time in 80 years, Toronto will miss the playoffs for the third straight season. Hold me...There's not much to say, really. The writing had been on the wall for months. It still hurts though, because the Leafs put together a decent stretch of hockey and had the Bruins within their grasp going into the two-game set with Boston. It wasn't to be, however. Once again for the Leafs it was too little, too late. There's going to be a lot of people shitting on the Leafs today and in the next couple of days. You're going to hear the "Golf Leafs Golf" bullshit, and a lot of Sundin bashing, from a lot of different people in a lot of different places. So I'll let others shit on the team. I won't do it. At least not right now. Instead, I hope the Leafs hold their heads high. It was a tough season. But I'm here for both the g...

I Heart Jose
2008-03-27 05:02:00
Toronto Raptors point guard Jose Calderon is good people. With his team mired in a horrible slump - losers of 11 of their last 14 heading into last night -and at a critical point in their season, numero ocho went to the coaching staff and suggested he move back to the bench and let T.J. Ford assume the starting point guard responsibilities.A classy and selfless move by a classy and selfless guy. I already had a ton of respect for Jose, and now I have even more. Dude is all about the team, and it's hard not to appreciate what he did. Here's what Jose had to say about it:"I said five or six games ago, whatever we need to do, I have no problem coming from the bench. I have no problem putting the team first. And now after two tough losses I thought we could do it and see if things change a little. We talked Monday and again Tuesday morning and they agreed, with 12 games let's see if you can change things around."I have an ego, but my team is first. I work for the Raptors and I play f...
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Blame Raycroft
2008-03-26 05:01:00
The Toronto Maple Leafs' season is over. The Boston Bruins delivered the knockout blow last night. If you're like me, you are: a) drinking away the pain, and b) looking for someone to blame. Well, dear friends, look no further than the end of the Leafs' bench. Blame Andrew Raycroft.Before I completely rip Raycroft apart, I'd like to spend a few moments discussing yesterday's game. First of all, it was atrocious. Second of all, the officiating was awful. Just awful. Thirdly, I hate the Bruins.Really though, what a bullshit game. Boston scored some terrible goals, and Toskala didn't have a prayer on any of them. In the biggest game of the season, his teammates left him all by his lonesome in the crease. It's a testament to Vesa that the Leafs were still even in the race for the playoffs going into last night. Dude has stood on his head. Mad respect, Vesa.Ok, somebody help me out here. What the blood clot was Mark Bell thinking last night when he took that bonehead penalty two a...

#4 Bobby Orr Turns 60
2008-03-25 05:07:00
As a young boy growing up in Toronto, I fell in love with the game of hockey. Watching the likes of Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux ply their trade was something I'll never forget. Those two players are, and always will be, synonymous with hockey greatness, along with one more: Bobby Orr.Number four. The man whom Don Cherry says is the greatest hockey player to ever lace up a pair of skates. Of course, I never got to see Orr play. He was before my time. But many didn't get the chance either, as wonky knees robbed Orr of his prime years, and forced him into retirement at the unbelievably young age of 31.Bobby Orr , the kid from Parry Sound, turned 60 last week. For those that were lucky enough to watch him play, it seems like only yesterday that he did. Last night on TV Ontario's The Agenda With Steve Paikin (you know, the primetime current affairs program I work for) Globe and Mail sports columnist Stephen Brunt, whose work I thoroughly enjoy both at The Globe and on McCowan's Pr...