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The Litsch is Back
2008-03-11 21:23:00
More on the news surrounding Casey Janssen's should pain. According to Wilner's latest report on the Fan 590, Janssen will be shut down for at least a few days to have an MRI on his sore shoulder. More importantly, the setback likely means he won't be able to get stretched out enough by the end of camp to break with the team as a starter.Specifically, he says: "Even if it’s not much of anything, you’d have to think [Janssen would] stay shut down for at least a week, then would have to build the pitch count up. It’s highly probable now that Janssen starts the season on the disabled list, and Jesse Litsch is the 5th starter."De-fault! De-fault! De-fault!
More About: Back

Jim Hughson Contract Extension Causes Blogger To Mail In a Post
2008-03-11 19:33:00
Because I'm a true fan and actually go to the ballpark for home games, I've never had the pleasure of listening to Jim Hughson call a baseball game. Or at least not since Triple Play 2001. And I suppose I caught a bunch of his work with TSN in the 90's. So... I guess I just mean it's been a while.But I'm told it's a good thing that CBC has re-upped him for six years. And he'll even be doing away games this year, as the CBC will broadcast the majority of Sunday games once the NHL season ends (in fucking June), which means even us real fans will see him. So.... yay?
More About: Mail , Blogger , Post , Contract , Extension

Armando Benitez Signs with Toronto!
2008-03-11 18:23:00
I have no idea why either.Maybe due to Casey Janssen's shoulder trouble today? But probably not.More on this when I think of something worthwhile to say about the Jays giving a minor league deal to a shitty reliever (granted, one with some name recognition-- for being shitty).Perhaps Armando is the first domino in a grand strategy to shuffle bullpen surplus into some positional upgrades. Or maybe JP is merely acquiring as much depth as possible in order to diffuse the pissing and moaning about the injury excuse. Either way, I guess it's not a terrible plan-- unlike actually putting Benitez into a game situation with the slightest hint of meaning, which would be fucking nuts.
More About: Toronto , Signs , Armando Benitez

Promotion Night At The Cable Box
2008-03-11 16:06:00
In today's post for the Globe on Baseball Blog, Rob MacLeod writes about the uselessness of the latest Billy Crystal Yankees promotion (and I only mean useless in the sense that it's of no use whatsoever), and invites readers to take a stab at being the marketing director for the Blue Jays.Every year, we at DJF try to convince the Jays marketing department that the world is ready for another attempt at ten cent beer night, and every year they refuse to answer our calls, emails, letters, meeting requests and home stakeouts.Seeing as though only an idiot makes a second attempt at something he fails at the first time, I've thought of some other promotional ideas for the Blue Jays to run with.DJF Night Drunk Jays Fans would be willing to sponsor (assuming "sponsor" means not having to pay any cost or take any responsibility whatsoever) a night in which all unoccupied seats in the lower bowl are up for grabs. Obviously, first priority for seats would go to ticket holders, but after th...
More About: Promotion , Cable

Yeah Baby
2008-03-11 11:52:00
No, I'm not ten years late with a shabby Austin Powers impression. "Yeah baby" just so happens to be the favourite turn of phrase for this Spring's biggest sensation (not including the burning one getting picked up in Ybor City).Of course I'm talking about Blue Jays outfield hopeful, Buck Coats. Not just my preferred outerwear for ladies wearing lingerie or bikinis anymore, the name has now come to signify slugging at the plate, hustle on the basepaths and consistency in the field . . . at least during Spring Training.Coats, an 18th Round draft pick of the Chicago Cubs in 2000, came to the Blue Jays this off season via the Cincinnati Reds in exchange for a player to be named later (eventually RHP Justin James). Arriving at camp, Coats wasted little time endearing himself to Jays fans with his thick Georgian drawl and early success at the plate.In 19 at bats this Spring, Coats has put up .421/.476/.579 stats plus two stolen bases. With a name like Buck Coats and these type of ...
More About: Baby

Checkin' in with Josh 4: Tell me do you miss me?
2008-03-10 21:28:00
Just thought you'd all like to check in with Josh Towers and see how he's faring in his second start for the Rockies who are playing against Arizona today. Here's the score after the top of the 1st:I know, I know. I miss him, too.
More About: Miss , Miss Me

Eckstein Second Most Underrated in Bullshit Survey
2008-03-10 20:21:00
A few observations before we get to something completely pointless:- Tullamore Dew is an Irish Whiskey that nobody cares about who needed to create some busywork for the interns in their marketing department.- David Eckstein is a midget, apparently, who plays with "heart" and "grit" and puts up shitty statistics. He has been called underrated so many times that he's practically overrated.- Baseball writers who can't see through a really transparent attempt by some fledgling whisky company to put together a meaningless survey just to generate some buzz about their brand, and actually choose to participate in it, are a more-douchey-than-average segment of their already douched-up profession.(FYI, bloggers who post the results of said completely meaningless survey anyway, just to take the piss out of it, are, at the very least, friggin' awesome, and most likely ruggedly handsome and well-endowed.)So, Tullamore Dew wants to pretend that they give a shit who the most underrated baseba...
More About: Survey , Bullshit , Underrated

The Ponson Experiment Continues
2008-03-10 16:10:00
I love mental unravellings just as much as the next guy, but signing DJF favourite Sidney Ponson (pictured above) to a Minor League contract and inviting him to Spring Training seems like an especially cruel thing for the Texas Rangers to do.They don't honestly expect him to be productive, do they?The Dutch Knight's rap sheet from Wikipedia:On December 25, 2004, Ponson was arrested in Aruba and charged with assaulting an Aruban judge following an incident about a complaint of Ponson's handling of his powerboat. He spent 11 days in jail, but the charges were dropped after he reached a settlement that included restitution, community service, and contributions to local charities on the island. In January 2005, he was charged with driving under the influence in Broward County, Florida. Because of these activities, it was thought that he would not be able to enter Canada to pitch in a series against the Toronto Blue Jays in May 2005. However, a visa was later granted, and he was able ...
More About: Experiment

The Litsch Slapper
2008-03-10 14:48:00
I am loath to begin any written work with a definition. Seeing a quote out of the Oxford English Dictionary has always seemed terribly grade 10 to me, but sometimes it's important to ensure that we're all on the same page.According to the urban dictionary:GingerNoun. A human, characterized by pale skin, freckles and bright red hair. "Gingers" are generally considered to be inferior to their more melanin-rich brethren, and thus deservingly discriminated against.Now, it's a well known fact that Gingers are spawned by Satan and have no soul, but in a Sisyphus-like struggle, some Gingers have been known to seek redemption for their titian appearance. The Ginger who does good instead of evil is still a rare breed. For every one Alfred E. Neuman there are a hundred Carrot Tops and Geri Halliwells.However, the Toronto Blue Jays had the good fortune to find a redemption-seeking Ginger when they drafted Jesse Litsch in the 24th round of the 2004 draft. After a surprisingly solid rook...

Saturday Night Grab Bag
2008-03-09 04:02:00
Anybody else catch Snappy the Turtle (aka Blairsy, aka The Globe's Jeff Blair) jump to JP's defense on Friday's Prime Time round-table when McCown suggested that even though Ricciardi surrounds himself with smart advisers, he doesn't listen to them? Not true, says Snappy. In fact, "the reason that Dustin McGowan is still here is largely because of Tony LaCava's input. Tony LaCava whispering in his ear, don't move this guy, don't move this guy." I wonder whether our friend Mr. Law would agree. Oh, and uh... thanks a serious fuckload, Tony. (1:07:20 mark)Did you also catch Snappy's awesome Ray Emery comment? McCown said that goaltending in the NHL has lost so much of its style that if you lined up all thirty number one goaltenders wearing exactly the same masks and uniforms, and watched them play, you wouldn't have a clue who was who. Cue radio magic: "Well, you'd know who Ray Emery was, because the puck would always be in the net," Blair quipped. ". . . You thought I was g...
More About: Night , Saturday , Grab

David Takes Spring Training Seriously
2008-03-08 17:21:00
If Tom Petty were Canadian, he'd have written a song about David . In fact, I'm pretty sure the lyrics to Freefallin' could be quite accurately switched over with minimal changes and end up meaningful.He's a good boy / Loves his mama / Loves the Blue Jays / And Canada tooThe 2:06 mark of that video reminds me a lot of the 2:37 mark of this video.
More About: Spring Training , Training , Spring

Tales From The Cable Box Volume One
2008-03-07 21:53:00
All this talk about smuggling contraband into the Rogers Centre has reminded me of one of my favourite drunken moments at a ballgame.It was April 21, 2006. The season was still in its infancy and the Red Sox had come to town. A few of our pussier friends had scored tickets to the game because they paid their cable bill on time or something. Aside: If you have a good credit rating, you haven't lived your life to the fullest.I arrived to the game, my back pocket burdened from a hidden mickey of Weisers Rye, already half-pinned from a late liquid lunch with some work colleagues. I met my friends in their seats, which were a dozen rows back from the Jays bullpen, and encouraged them to come with me and sneak into some choice chairs behind the Jays dugout.Unfortunately, they had forgotten their male genitalia at home and answered my proposal with questions about getting caught. I really wasn't in the mood to lead a legion of sweethearts down the hallowed steps of section 125, so ...
More About: Tales , Volume , Cable

Halladay Has Competitive Juices Flowing . . . In His Face And Neck
2008-03-07 17:42:00
Thanks to regular commenter Adams for pointing us in the direction of this pic and asking, "When did the Doc start looking like a piece of KFC?
More About: Face , Competitive , Neck

Ernie Whitt Weekend
2008-03-07 15:40:00
In a desperate attempt to cover up my drunken ramblings from earlier this morning, I came across a story in USA Today that mentioned the Jays plans for hosting an Ernie Whitt tribute weekend this season.From May 23 - 25, while the Kansas City Royals are in town, the Blue Jays will honour Whitt for the gastrophile he is by turning 1,600 seats at Rogers Centre into an all you can eat buffet of hot dogs, nachos, peanuts, popcorn and sodas. For $39 you can sit in the second level of the outfield and eat like Ernie Whitt for the entire game.In related news, toilets from sections 204 to 211 have been refurbished into barnyard stalls.I've been giving Ernie a hard time about his weight lately, and it's pretty much only because I had a bunch of fat jokes I wanted to use. I haven't forgotten that Whitt was an All-Star in 1985, an honour he had to wait six years for to come again. Unfortunately, he didn't make it that year either, so waiting was a bit of a waste.The Cliff Claven little ...
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Reinin' In The Beej
2008-03-07 08:36:00
Hola Chicuelos!I've been out of town for a couple days because of work, and I had nary a second to spare for checking out those beautiful birds in flight in Dunedin while I was away. Believe me, the old adage remains true that absence only makes the heart grow fonder.Getting back to Toronto yesterday, I set up my computer in a wireless zone and took in online Blue Jays news stories like I was Ernie Whitt and the internet was a roomful of Twinkies.As usual, the stories were every bit as satisfying as Whitt in the sack, and I'm not even talking about the sticky film on your body afterwards. However, one story from the past couple days stood out.The Beej's doctor seems more inclined to take his time with B.J. Ryan's rehab than the Toronto Blue Jays do, as he put the kibosh on the Jays plans to use Ryan on Saturday.I know Stoeten has been improving his Harvey Keitel impression from Reservoir Dogs ("Are you a doctor?") in preparation for fans questioning the Jays hurrying of Ryan's...

I bat .250 and that's ... not OK
2008-03-07 02:31:00
Fuck me, did anyone see the Post article on John Fuckin' McDonald today? I was waiting to see if Johnny Mac would actually walk on water, but his comments in the Post are enough for me to declare him the official Second Coming."I hit .250," McDonald said. "I mean, this is the big leagues. Things don't get handed to you. People look and say, 'He played pretty well, he played good defensively, I like him, he's a nice guy. But he hit .250.' "If any of you can read this article at http://www.nationalpost.com/sports/story. html?id=356621 (fuck you, I'm at a computer right now that does not list all the nifty Blogger options like "Create a link") and not cry then you're not fucking human. Or you really do buy all that Eckstein having to rpove himself shit that has made me vomit about 5,634 times. Or you're JP Ricciardi.Every fucking player has taken a shot at the Jays organization for being mistreated, and sometimes with very good reason. But here's a guy who gets completely fucke...

A True Story Of Blogosphere Rejection
2008-03-06 23:57:00
In our pursuit of blogosphere excellence, we at DJF regularly scout rising interweb talent from across Canada.So far, our Catch A Rising Star program has been a rousing success. It was a year ago this week that we came across a futureless Dutchman with a heart on for Josh Towers and an Asian mathematician (redundant?) who allowed us to make bracketed asides about stereotypes and not appear too racist.Our latest find hails from Regina, Saskatchewan. His name is David, and he enjoys reading Blue Jays Spring Training box scores into a camera and posting these videos on YouTube. As part of our Western expansion plans, we approached David with promises of fame and increased fuckability if he could keep his commentary to under a minute long and allow us to post his videos exclusively on DJF.Unfortunately, David believes his role as commentator would be compromised by a time limit, and so he rejected our gracious offer.Here is a fine example of his work:The rest of his game summaries ar...
More About: Story , Blogosphere , True Story , True , Rejection

Wednesday Grab Bag
2008-03-05 20:22:00
Oh man... why the hell are the Jays not hitting??? I ask this not because I'm actually concerned, but because I'm already sick of the thought of having to defend their lineup from the doomsayers. Jesus God fucking Christ on a crotch. It's only March 5th!!!Still keeping my fingers crossed that my rumour mongering about Reed Johnson and the Mets will eventually come to fruition. (Shhh... it's the final exam for my program at the Marty York School of Ass-Backwards Bullshit Journalism.)Interesting piece in the National Post on Adam Lind the other day, who maybe reveals just a little too much about his usual work ethic in the minors. "Instead of going down there and sulking, you know, and acting like it's the minors and it doesn't matter, I'm going to go down there and try and produce and do the best that I can," he said. "That way I don't have to flip that switch when I get called up." Is that what happened last year???The New York Times did a piece on Scott Rolen this week that...
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The Walter Cronkite Of Sports Journalism . . .
2008-03-04 17:50:00
. . . and the Citizen Kane of shaky YouTube videos taped off the television set with a P&S cameras.Not even According To Jim could make me feel more embarrassed for the television industry.STOETEN SAYS: I don't like shitting on broads unless they're underneath glass coffee tables with their mouths open, but I'm going to have to agree that this was pretty shit-tacular.
More About: Sports , Journalism , Walter

D-Day At Jays Camp
2008-03-04 16:04:00
Remember that scene in Major League where Corbin Bernsen fucks with Charlie Sheen by putting a red slip in his locker during Spring Training, implying that he was being sent down to the Minors? Well, the shit hit the fan in Jays camp and no one was fucking around.Jeremy Cummins, Ryan Ketchner and Jamie Vermilyea were all assigned elsewhere this morning, joining catcher J.P. Arencibia as the only Jays to leave camp thus far. Ketchner and Vermilyea will meet up with Arencibia at Minor League camp, while Cummins awaits to know his future after receiving his outright assignment.According to Jeremy Sandler in the National Post, the constantly classy Sal Fasano made sure to offer each of the demoted players a handshake and his best wishes.Okay, work with me here for a second.The setting is a residential neighbourhood at night. Try to picture Cummins, Ketchner and Vermilyea out on the curb peering into the window as John Gibbons pulls pranks and laughs with the rest of the Jays in the l...
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March is For Mailing It In
2008-03-04 06:59:00
Not to steal Fire Joe Morgan's shtick any more than we already do-- especially after they just nailed some petty douchebag on his schadenfreude over Jeremy Brown's retirement-- but holy shit! Back in December FJM pointed out how both the Star's Alan Ryan and the Sun's Bob Elliott each waded deep into the ol' cliche pool and dragged out the rotting corpse (?) of articles about David Eckstein being a tiny, tiny man who has had to overcome great odds to make it as a professional ballplayer.Well, it seems that by this Monday-- a whole two-and-a-half months later-- Elliott found himself fishing in the same end of the lake again. Because apparently coming up with a fresh lead for a piece about David Eckstein is really fucking hard. (Might I suggest a half-assed dragging-corpses-out-of-a-lake metaphor?)Though the rest of the piece is mostly absent of the cheap garbage about "heart" and "grit" that we're used to in every single fucking thing about Eckstein, here's how Elliott checked...
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Let's Start a Rumour!
2008-03-04 04:40:00
Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman suggests that "The Mets appear to be looking for a right-handed-hitting outfielder to platoon with Ryan Church."Hmmm.... I wonder if the Jays have any spare right-handed hitting outfielders...
More About: Start , Rumour

The Feeling Is Mutual, Shitbag
2008-03-04 03:15:00
No! That title is not a sneering reference to Cathal Kelly's surprising inclusion of a nod to your us drunkards in his Monday live blog, because... uh... that's actually kind of really nice*. And we, uh... maybe don't always, uh... say the nicest... um... things... about the Star.Truth is, I'm talking about our old friend Eric Hinske, who is currently sucking shit at baseball while trying to make the Rays. (The picture really should have given that away and, quite frankly, I'm surprised that it took you this long to figure it out.)He spoke with Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe about his competition, Evan Longoria, and what he'll miss about Boston, among other things..."That kid is phenomenal," Hinske said. "He's the real deal. You're going to be hearing a lot about him over the years. I'm just hoping to fill a role, get some at-bats, and help a team like I think I can." What will he miss about the Red Sox? "Best team I ever played for," he said. "We had a blast. We won, we ...
More About: Feeling , Mutual

Bangin' In The Nails
2008-03-03 19:02:00
For those with a complete lack of discernible judgment when it comes to television broadcasting, the only real bad news coming out of yesterday's Spring Training telethon on City TV was the shaky performance of A.J. Burnett. Burnett gave up three hits and a walk over two innings of work, allowing two runs.Following the game, word broke that the finicky pitcher pulled a Roman Centurion and banged in the finger nail on his index finger when he shut a car door on his hand in November. Burnett uses that nail to dig into the seam of the ball when he throws a curve. No nail means no hook.Despite differing opinions between pitching coach Brad Arnsberg and Burnett, there is a consensus that a curve ball isn't going to come out of the Jays number two pitcher for at least a couple weeks. A number two hasn't been held up this long since I last went camping in Algonquin Park.
More About: Nails

Day Of Density - The Live Blog
2008-03-02 16:18:00
Good morning Jays fans.Believe it or not, I woke up on this special day just as I normally do, and I'm not even referring to the pool of my own vomit or the random girl beside me. No, I'm talking about the wheezing boner that penetrated through two sets of sheets and a duvet.However, this time, it was no ordinary erection. Thoughts of grandma and her man friend wouldn't even allow this fella to subside. For this, my friends, was a baseball boner.Yes, the first baseball boner since the end of September caught me a little of guard, but after all, that's what Spring Training is for. So, settle down near your television, prepare your browser refresh click finger, turn on City TV, and let's see if we can't work out our EXCITED states together.I heard from a reliable source that we won't be disappointed today.12:35 p.m.Yes. We're live from the Danimal's. Already, I'm loving the graphics for every part of the game. The ceremonial first pitch always needs to be broadcast, e...
More About: Blog , Live

Derision Like You've Never Read It Before
2008-02-29 21:00:00
As previously mentioned, City TV will be broadcasting the Jays /Reds tilt on Sunday afternoon, with their own particular flare for uselessness.If the questions that Kathryn Humphries asks in clubhouse scrums are anything to go by, viewers will be in for a treat. And by treat, I mean more pandering, posturing and posing than an insecure model whose father never loved her. Jamie Haggerty, an executive with City TV, has already promised that the coverage will be like Breakfast Television meets a baseball game.I know what you're thinking: The only thing I can imagine groaning louder over would involve in-game hostess Jill and hot oil.Well, first of all, you might want to lay off all the Jill talk because it's borderline harassment (for the record, I pronounced that hare-ris-ment). Secondly, derision is the funniest form of comedy, and Drunk Jays Fans will be here, starting at 12:35 p.m. on Sunday, to heap inordinate amounts of disdain on the entire broadcast.Join us in a tomb of n...
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Spring Starts When A Pitcher Gets Pounded
2008-02-29 16:16:00
Reiterate, Reiterate:It's easy to read too much into Jesse Litsch's lacklustre performance yesterday against the Tigers, but please check out Jordan Bastian's blog post from last night which should put things into perspective.The Cookie Cutter Story Du Jour:Thirty-eight newspapers mention the fact that B.J. Ryan threw a live batting practice session to a few Minor League hitters on Thursday.The session reportedly went well, but in all honesty, something would've had to have gone disastrously wrong for it not to be considered another step forward for The Beej. Following his workout, Ryan was scheduled to meet with Dr. Timothy Kremcheck, the surgeon who performed the tendon replacement surgery, to check up on the reliever's arm.Unable to throw during the offseason, The Beej worked on his concentration, and actually walked across fiery coals as part of his mental training. Alex Rodriguez is also expected to walk on fire, but that won't happen until I find out where he lives . ....
More About: Spring , Pitcher

Thursday Grab Bag
2008-02-29 00:35:00
Shit, have I been drunk all week? Oh yeah... I have. That, plus a deep, innate laziness, explains why I haven't yet got myself into the habit of checking Wilner's blog every day, which is a shame, because I could have told you two days ago how he got straight to the nut of the whole Stewart and Johnson situation.Wilner explains that even though he's behind Reed defensively and against LHP, Stewart hits righties and lefties about equally. He could, if the lineup is getting shuffled due to injuries, play every day. Reed has proven he can not play against RHP. Aside from a big first half in 2006. If Stairs gets hurt, or he has to move to 1B for Overbay or to DH for Thomas, you need a LF to face RHP. If that player is Reed, you've just ripped a gaping hole in your offense.So even though he's the lesser player in a lot of ways, Stewart is going to get the job and Reed will be traded or cut. Put money on it. That's why the Jays original offer to Stewart was a Major League contract f...
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Grapefruit League Deals Excitement
2008-02-28 22:54:00
For almost five months I've desperately waited for a Blue Jays baseball game to be played.Finally my hunger was satiated this afternoon when, operating as an exercise in anticlimacticism that would make James Joyce denouement exciting, a sparsely experienced Jays travel team lost 4-1 to the Detroit Tigers.Being unable to watch or listen in, the most interesting element of the game seemed to be the friendly ribbing over the dietary habits of colleagues on a couple of journalists' live blogs.Some baseball was actually played in Lakeland though and it should be noted that starter Jesse Litsch gave up all four of the Tigers runs over the first two innings. The lone Jays run was scored by Rod Barajas when Tigers third baseman Miguel Cabrera mishandled a routine grounder off the bat of Chip Cannon.The excitement continues tomorrow as the Jays and Tigers battle again. This time in Dunedin, where John Gibbons is expected to field a team that will closely resemble the opening day lineup....
More About: League , Excitement , Grapefruit

Thomas Is Prepared
2008-02-28 15:57:00
The media in Dunedin have been regularly mentioning Frank Thomas and his increased preparation this Spring as he tries to avoid yet another slow start to the season. As seen by this photograph, his Hi-Ci-Ya Hold Tight dance actions are already in mid-season form.Then again, he could also be demonstrating for the younger players exactly how to arrange a stewardess in the bathroom of a Boeing 747.