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Chiropractor Proves Profession Is A Sham
2008-01-09 18:02:00
As most people with an IQ over 15 are aware, chiropractors are to doctors what Tom Cruise is to a church pastor.Unfortunately, the Toronto Blue Jays happen to employ one of the more moronic chiropractors in existence, which is just about as meta as it gets.Patrick Graham recently told the Toronto Sun that while working on Roger Clemens during his two year stint with the Blue Jays, he saw no evidence of steroid use. While I didn't have the privilege of rubbing the Rocket's shoulders every day for two years, I do have the ability to notice a bit of a physical transformation in Clemens.To suggest that Clemens didn't build any muscle mass during his tenure with the Jays is ridiculous, but not nearly as head-scratchingly insane as assigning any worth to the fact that a chiropractor believes the Clemens resurgence was due to his work on a split-fingered fastball.I'm sorry, but developing a new pitch does not explain how Clemens went from five straight years without receiving a singl...
More About: Profession , Sham , Fess

Cage Fights And Trick Questions
2008-01-09 07:08:00
Until Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens square off in a chain-linked octagon after dipping their taped up hands in bits of broken glass, I'm not going to read another story about steroids, lawsuits relating to steroids or inflated head sizes resulting from steroids.At least the current crucification of Clemens' character in the media is offering some evidence that baseball fans aren't quite as racist as Bonds and Garry Sheffield would have you believe.However, calling Clemens an asshole is the equivalent of labeling me a drunk. Yes, it's true, but that's just the way we roll.Personally, I would've been far more disappointed if 'Roided Roger Hood bucked his own precedence for doucheness by showing the smallest semblance of humility or class and actually admitting to his steroid use.If he's going to go down, he's going to go down for the prick he truly is.Anyway, on to the real news of the day:The Globe and Mail's William Houston is reporting that Jim Hughson may be back as com...
More About: Questions , Fights , Trick , Cage

The truth is the truth. It is what it is.
2008-01-08 05:43:00
OK, so the Clemens clusterfuck might be slightly more interesting than I'd previously thought, but not by much. The phone call between him and McNamee from last Friday (linked here through the Fan590) is at least interesting in the fact that it reveals some serious sexual tension. I think at one point McNamee offered to have Roger's babies. But that's cool... that's cool. Uh... I mean, if they want to.Anyway, since I'll never get them back for myself, let me at least save you twenty minutes. The only interesting part of the tape as it relates to the allegations was the one time McNamee stopped acting like a doormat and said, "The truth is the truth. It is what it is." Shockingly, Clemens let that statement pass without comment (or maybe he talked over it-- same difference).Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman came quickly with the first public comments from McNamee since the Mitchell Report, which is also worth a read. In it, and without the presence of the man he betrayed looming...
More About: Truth , Ruth , The Truth

Drunk Jays Media Watch
2008-01-07 04:54:00
It doesn't at all make sense to me, considering this should be a relatively dormant time of year for baseball news, but there has been a whole lot of easily-overlooked Jays content in the media this week. So here's what I've come across in the past few days.Ashby on MLB.comI said it several times over the course of the season, but shit, why not say it again? The best addition the Jays made last year was bringing in Alan Ashby to team with Howarth and Wilner in the radio broadcast booth. And yes, I'm aware it was not the Jays but the Fan590's Nelson Millman who made the decision, but who cares?Not to shit on his predecessor, Warren Sawkiw, any more than is necessary (it's kind of a little bit necessary), but Ashby took the depth and quality of the broadcasts up about thirteen notches. All three guys in the crew are as good as it gets, and it's criminal that the bigger TV audience has to suffer the likes of Jamie Campbell, Rod Black and friends.This week Ashby spoke with the gu...
More About: Media , Watch , Drunk , Media Watch

Signed
2008-01-05 18:59:00
Former Jay and Bergkamp man crush, Josh Towers, signed with the Colorado Rockies on Friday.Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah ahahahaahahahahahahaha.While the combination of Colorado's thin air and Josh Towers doesn't exactly inspire me to put a lot of money down on the Rockies repeating as NL champs, this still seems like a good move from a Colorado perspective. You're not going to get anything better for a base salary of $400,000 ($1.8 million if he makes the roster) and it gives the Rockies even more pitching depth.Check out The Mockingbird for a breakdown of his new contract, which, as they point out, seems to reward him more for not making the starting rotation. Nonetheless, he will compete for the fifth starter's job on the Rockies staff.
More About: Signed

The Blue Jays Are Toronto's Team
2008-01-05 18:09:00
An article appears in today's Toronto Star by John Spears about how awesome it is to visit the CN Tower.Aside from being emasculated by that oh-so-phallic of statues, you can also be misinformed by recorded messages and cheated by machines out of two dollars.However, the worst sin that the CN Tower commits is informing its visitors that they can catch "the National Baseball League's Toronto Blue Jays " at the nearby Rogers Centre.And they say Toronto isn't a baseball town.
More About: Team

Winter Meetings Day One
2007-12-04 06:34:00
Before I start this little roundup of what's going on with the Jays at baseball's winter meetings, I would first like to say that it's horseshit that someone didn't have the idea to send us down... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Winter , Meetings , Winter meetings

It Just Got Harder To Be Like Mike
2007-12-03 17:51:00
Ladies and gentlemen, the sad day has finally arrived when Drunk Jays Fans can't merely fob off Mike Wilner's opinions as their own. Yes, Mike has his own blog now on the FAN 590 website making it... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.

Surf's Up
2007-11-29 21:43:00
Back by popular demand is guest columnist Brandon League. Brandon wrote for Drunk Jays Fans throughout last season. Today he joins us to write about his offseason thus far. Dear Blog Readers,... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.

Swirsky and Ricciardi: Tête-à-Tête
2007-11-29 19:19:00
It was very clear from the first incredible 10 seconds of this afternoon's Chuck Swirsky interview of JP Ricciardi that we had a little bit of radio magic on our hands. Throughout the eleven minutes... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.

Finally, something amusing
2007-11-29 15:49:00
As if to reiterate the point made in the title of Stoeten's last post, I bring you this post. In desperately trying to find Jays news of any kind, I managed to find this. The Lansing Lugnuts are... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Finally , Amusing , Some

Jays' Offseason: Still Boring
2007-11-29 01:49:00
Well, last week the barrel of laughs that's been the Jays ' off-season so far had the roof blown off its un-fun factor with the sad passing of Jay-for-a-month Joe Kennedy. When the news broke, I had... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Offseason , Boring

And the winners are ...
2007-11-27 15:52:00
In an award ceremony even more overlooked than the presentation of the Grey Cup, our man Roy Halladay took the Toronto Blue Jays pitcher of the year award for the 2007 season. The Doc finished the... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Winners

Biggest Douche in the (Baseball) Universe
2007-11-24 00:45:00
(UPDATE: As expected, the fun didn't last and Conlin has kicked in with the damage control (check the original link). He doesn't seem like such a douche, though still a bit misguided. I mean, believe... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Baseball , Universe , Univers

Something Even We Can't Make Fun Of
2007-11-23 20:08:00
I know we like to joke around and be dicks about everything here, so I don't really want to say much here for fear of rambling off into something offensive (which I hate to admit is actually really... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Make , Some

Yeah, we know
2007-11-22 20:52:00
Just so you don't think we're being lazy or anything, the Jays added David Purcey to their 40-man roster. OK, so this happened two days ago. I didn't say that we gave a shit about it. Purcey -- most... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Yeah

It's Official and The Fall of Adams
2007-11-21 21:05:00
Special Josh Towers Update!!! Folks, yesterday I reported that Josh Towers might, for reasons that have even God confused, remain a Blue Jay. Well, the Bible of cold hard facts, The Toronto Sun, has... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Adams , Official , Fall

Jays Trade for Scutaro; Drunk Jays Fans Lazy, Unimpressed
2007-11-21 06:33:00
Yeah, I realize that during the hotstove season Jays fans are relying on folks like us to give them a little content to make their lives worthwhile, but come on. Marco Scutaro? Are you shitting... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Fans , Trade , Drunk , Lazy

A Towers of length
2007-11-20 16:05:00
Um, many thanks to Gustavo for bringing this to our attention in the comments section today. First of all, let me just say: What the fucking fuck? No fucking way! Is this even humanly possible? I... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.

Wait just a mutherfucking minute!
2007-11-13 22:38:00
Holy shit! After reading Stoeten's nails report on what the Jays are up to in the off season, I had given up on thoughts of any all stars entering the picture for the 2008 season. But if there's one... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Minute , Wait

Off-Season News, Notes and Thoughts: Part Whatever I'm Tired
2007-11-13 08:12:00
We're not even half-way into November and baseball's hotstove season is already in full swing. Except, of course, for the Jays, who have basically only re-signed Matt Stairs. JP has been fairly... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: News , Thoughts , Season , Notes , Part

I Call Bullshit on Gold Gloves
2007-11-09 04:53:00
So, John MacDonald got robbed. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Frankly, this week I've been knee deep in full-on psychosis over the Raptors having stumbled out of the gate, and I really... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Gold , Bullshit , Call , Gloves

Obligatory Rumour Watch
2007-11-08 01:35:00
Major League Baseball's GM Meetings are well underway, and the media are in mid-season form at blowing things out of proportion. I'm refering, of course, to the flap about AJ Burnett and his... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Watch , Rumour , Gato

Inaugural Season Retrospective, Part 7: September
2007-11-05 05:04:00
We can finally all put this fucking retrospective series behind us, as I trot out the final installment of our look back at the first season of DJF-- before leaving all these gems to rot forever in... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Season , Part , September , Inaugural , Retrospective

Another Flight of Stairs
2007-11-02 19:27:00
According to Sportsnet, it's being reported by ESPN today that the Jays have agreed to a two-year $3.5m contract with their fucking nails Canuck outfielder, Stone Cold Matt Stairs-- and it's just... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Flight

We're Not Quite Ready For "The Cameron Head", But...
2007-11-02 05:47:00
Mike Cameron is either really dumb, really awesome, or really drunk. Or really awesomely drunk-- which would make him awesome, but also kind of dumb. But no matter which of the options is the right... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Head , Ready

Unfunny Musings on the Elias Rankings
2007-11-02 05:34:00
The Elias Sports Bureau's annual MLB player rankings were announced today. These rankings take into account the player's performance over the last two seasons, and are used to determine the... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Musings , Sings

Forget Pronk We Got Game-Over-Gronk
2007-11-02 01:47:00
I know we've made romantic overtures to the Tao of Stieb before and we've expressed the creepy feelings we get whenever we come across a Jonathan Brattain comment, but I don't believe we've mentioned... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Game

It's November, Isn't It? Start voting for Tom Cheek every day!
2007-11-01 19:13:00
Every Jays fan knows that it's a travesty how the legendary Tom Cheek has been continually passed over for the Ford C. Frick award-- baseball's highest honour for a broadcaster. Well, throughout the... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Start , Voting , November

Inaugural Season Retrospective, Part 6: August
2007-10-31 06:14:00
The dog days of summer were upon us, and frankly, it was pretty fucking difficult to stay focus on the supposedly flagging hopes of the Jays. So we kind of didn't. We had known the score since early... Foul-mouthed, booze-loving and "smarter than you" fans of the Toronto Blue Jays follow their team's progress in the American League East.
More About: Season , Part , August , Inaugural , Retrospective