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I Got a "D" in Home Ec at Lynnhaven
2007-08-15 00:03:00
What's with all the quilting and crafting and knitting and sock-darning blogs? Maybe they're all the ones secretly putting out all the porno blogs. Or maybe that's the "Mloggers" doing that work.
More About: Home , Haven

Dangerous License Plates
2007-08-13 22:04:00
The license plates on the cars in Bosnia are no longer at all indicative of city or region--they are now completely random and unidentifiable. This is because when they were otherwise, fighting factions would routinely car bomb vehicles they could identify from a specific ethnic region. This continued after the war was over.
More About: License , Dangerous

"Who Killed Yugoslavia?"
2007-08-13 14:49:00
I'm working on a Balkan-related piece right now, which has led me to this:"I have no doubt that if Milosevic's parents had committed suicide before his birth rather than after, I would not be writing a cable about the death of Yugoslavia . Milosevic, more than anyone else, is its gravedigger.
Western leaders are no more than witnesses at Yugoslavia's funeral." --Ambassador Zimmerman, recalled to Washington May 16, 1992.Zimmerman's urgency about the genocide, along with other low and mid-level staffers, went unacknowledged by the State Department.
More About: Killed

Kids, Cover Your Eyes!
2007-08-12 10:38:00
Yesterday in Hainburg I saw an old man on a motorbike coming out of the grocery store parking lot. His feet were resting atop a bag of Pussy Kitty Litter.
More About: Kids , Eyes , Cover

Happy Bucket Bath Day
2007-08-10 16:06:00
Man, it's so hot out. Wish someone would throw a bucket of water on me.Oh. Wait. I have to be in Yerevan for that.On my ONLY day off there, I:* Slept in* Got up and drank yet one more foul cup of Nescafe* Decided the world owed me a real up of coffee* Went outside in search of a Real Cup of Coffee* Noted the streets were emptied of, a) men, b) women, c) babushkas [with or without brooms].* It was Chernobyl quietFrom the right side of the street, stationed under the "Two Lips" shoe store sign, a band of kids stood; one spotted me, broke free from the group, shot out into the middle of the bare street, and lobbed a red, water-filled bucket in my direction. "Americano! Americano!"A chorus of them began shouting "Americano!" and then all the little thugs came out with buckets, heaving water on me.Um. I was sopping wet. I started blathering at them--something about cell phones, digital cameras and watches probably being ruined. My skinny arms reached out to grab one of 'em but they wer...
More About: Bath , Happy

Coughing Up Cell Phones in Tbilisi
2007-08-08 22:39:00
On one of the journalism forums I visit, there was a post on cell phone hacking.Which reminded me:When I first went to the Republic of Georgia a couple of years ago, I was gonna be there for a few months, so I needed a SIM card for my phone. One of my all-time favorite people, Vinny, went with me, commandeering the afternoon to make sure I got a tour of the city, including a stop at the cell phone place.When we got there, I filled out paperwork in triplicate, but found out that the Austrians were one step ahead of us--the phone company had a block on the use of other SIM cards.Apparently, Austrian laws and restrictions are not a problem in the Republic of Georgia.The guy helping us walked us over to the window and pointed to a stately corner building across the street. The one that was flying about 40 different flags outside, looking like the United Nations."That's it. The one with the flags."So Vinny and I dodge across the street to Flagville, while I protested the whole time that...
More About: Cell Phones , Phones , Cell , Cough

Driving Miss Remi
2007-08-08 21:18:00
Sir George needs a new starter. What o what will Remi do?
More About: Driving , Miss , Ving

More of Hitler's Madness
2007-08-07 16:32:00
I had a friend visiting last week and we took a tour of the main synagogue in Vienna. It was built under Franz Josef's regime, which might suggest a religious tolerance. On the other hand, it was built on the condition that it would be disguised behind a facade of private dwellings. It's hard to know if the emperor did this to protect the Jewish faithful, or as a compromise to them. In any case, the survival of the synagogue is ironic. Partly it was because it was hidden among private dwellings, and to burn the synagogue on Kristallnacht would have meant burning the private, non-Jewish residences surrounding it. And the Austrian Nazi HQ was just a couple of blocks away, so that also would have been at risk. And, in a the greatest twist of irony, keeping the synagogue was in the best interest of the Nazis, since it held all the records--much better to have the records so as to systemically annihilate, rather than annihilate at random. All the while the Nazis were in the throes of t...
More About: Madness

Boobs vs. Bombs in Amsterdam
2007-08-07 13:08:00
Graffiti at a construction zone in Amsterdam
More About: Boob , Bombs

Oh, For the Love of God!
2007-08-06 09:48:00
An Austrian priest has been fired/ex-communicated/defrocked/sent to Eternal Damnation/pink slipped because he has been having a relationship with a woman and he says it's L.O.V.E. The people of the town are ticked off, saying it's time to change the ways of the Church and allow priests to marry. A while back Uncle Billy and I were sitting at the Landman Cafe and he was telling me about the local priest in Hainburg when he was growing up. "His girlfriend and kids lived the just over in [the village of] Wolfsthal."
More About: Love

Hip Hop Grasshoppers
2007-08-05 21:29:00
There is a grasshopper in my backyard that flies. It either flies or hops.Rather practical when you think about it. If it's a short distance, just hop. Hop on over here.And for a longer distance, fly. Fly over there.Why screw with cumbersome walking?
More About: Shopper , Shoppers

A Life Measured in Moments
2007-08-05 15:28:00
Here is my good life:Eighty-something degrees today, sun high, lying in the back yard on my blanket face-down, and Remi comes up and sits down, pressing her now ample side against my head.I laugh and kiss her fur, she squirms and readjusts herself a half inch from me. We doze on the blanket. Vanity Fair mag beside me. I can hear tourists on the castle. I cannot hear my Nazi, pasty-white neighbor boy because he's been gloriously away all week. I am not in Algeria or Russia or Vietnam or Germany or the Netherlands or Armenia. I'm right here, on solid ground, in my own yard in Hainburg.
More About: Life , Moments

What Did You Hear on Radio Yerevan?
2007-08-03 20:39:00
A few days before I left for Armenia, I saw my neighbor out walking his dog. We talked a bit and I told him where I was going."Yerevan? Really! Did you know that when I was a kid growing up in Slovakia we used to tell 'Radio Yerevan' jokes."I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about."We'd say 'What's playing on Radio Yerevan.' We'd say we heard something on Radio Yerevan. ... A joke."I had no idea what he was talking about.So a few weeks later I'm back from Yerevan and sitting in Uncle Billy's* courtyard. Remi is barking at the pony while keeping an eye on the Doberman and my whereabouts, and my guest from Baltimore is still jetlagged and trying to make out exactly where she is and why she's flown here. And then Uncle Billy starts talking to me about Radio Yerevan."In Austria we used to make jokes about Radio Yerevan," he said.So that's two countries: Austria and Slovakia, yammering about Radio Yerevan.Then I get a comment on this site from Calin, a Romanian, who ...
More About: Hear , Adio

Drowsy in Hainburg
2007-08-03 15:53:00
Just awoke from the sleep of victims. Body felt compelled toward sleep--I would have just as easily slept in the middle of the street if that was all I could find. But I found my sofa before I found the pavement, so I got horizontal on it and began to dream that I was drowsy and constantly either trying to go to sleep or stay awake.Also dreamed that I was on Connecticut Ave (DC) in the dark and the rain and trying to find my way back to my sister's house (so I could go to sleep).I felt helpless. Drugged.Also dreamed that I was in a car with Jim Gandolfini and I tried to rest my sleepy head on his bare arm. He was repulsed and moved away.So not only was I victimized by sleepiness, I was rejected by Jim Gandolfini.The pain.
More About: Hain

My Moldovan Marriage
2007-08-02 14:07:00
On my last night in Yerevan---the one in which I was instructed to hunt down colleagues in the dead of dark night with no street names to go by (I did it!!)--I was told that there was someone waiting to see me who claimed I was responsible for his impending marriage. I had to get to the cafe to find out who this guy was. Sure was hoping it wasn't an old boyfriend to pop up with the news...the important ones have broken up with me and IMMEDIATELY MARRIED THE NEXT WOMAN THEY SEE.It wasn't an ex boyfriend or ex anybody. It was a Mold ovan guy (at a reporters' conference in Yerevan) who helped my MA journo students get out their online paper three years ago when I was a Knight Fellow in Chisinau. Apparently, he saw the reflective glow of Christina on his computer screen and was hooked.And as fate would have it, they are getting married on my birthday in October.So Cheers to the Happy Moldovan couple. And glad it wasn't an ex.
More About: Marriage

Did You Mean "Australian Diversity"?
2007-08-02 10:21:00
I googled Austrian diversity and the first thing that popped up was Google asking me if I was sure I didn't want "Australian diversity" --Even Google thinks Austrian Dive r sity is an oxymoron.Actually, despite its reputation, Austria is very diverse, albeit unwillingly so. It has one of the largest Muslim populations (ratio) in Europe and took in the bulk of Yugoslavian refugees during the Bosnian war.But this billboard in Hainburg is trying to promote diversity (Wir sind doch alle gleich: We are all the same). The only diversity I see is in this ad is in gender and facial hair.

Mayberry or Yerevan? Mt. Pilot or Mt. Ararat?
2007-08-01 21:00:00
I met Aliza (not sure that's how it's spelled) at Yerevan State University and when she introduced herself, I asked her if it was here first time here."Oh, no. I'm Armenian." Armenia, via Berkeley, Ca. She's a former editor now doing her MA thesis on Caucasus media.Aliza's parents (whose own parents presumably fled the 1915 genocide and concentration camps) met in Syria and then, like many diaspora, ended up in the US. Or they met in the US but are both Syrian-born. Can't remember which--it was 102 degrees and my memory melts in that kind of heat.But here's the fascinating thing to me: For Aliza, being in Yerevan was like a village for her--despite that she was born in the US and has no living relatives in Armenia at all. Nonetheless, it seems like family for her among the diaspora that also visit.I sat with Aliza at the ex-pat bookstore one afternoon and watched as she greeted and chatted--in Armenian--with a good 60 percent of the people that came and went.
More About: Ararat , Pilot

A Hard Day at the Castle
2007-07-31 14:10:00
On Sunday, Remi and I trudged up the little berg with my guest of honor, who was conned into lugging the picnic stuff, thanks to my handy fear of heights.At the top of the little mountain is the Schlossberg Castle ruins. King Ottakar married an Austrian duchess here, thus expanding the empire considerably. Much of the castle was built with the ransom money received from the capture of Richard the Lionheart.The castle was resoundingly destroyed by the Turks, especially upon their second invasion of Hainburg in 1683. They killed 8,000 people in the town and surrounding areas, leaving less than a handful of survivors.On OUR Sunday invasion of the Schlossberg, we were gentle.The three of us did the following: 1) Ate2) Dozed on a blanket3) Explored4) Barked/Ran/Chewed Sticks (only one of us did this)5) Took photos (only two of us did this)After about three hours, we headed back down--but not before we spotted my neighbor swimming in her birthday suit in her backyard pool.A view of Hainbu...
More About: Hard

Alber-blah-tina
2007-07-30 23:38:00
Have been running my feet off, puttin' the pedal to the medal, striking the fire, burning the midnight oil, running my raggedy ass more ragged... all in good fun, as I've been exploring Vienna with my friend visiting from the US/Baltimore.Today we went back into Vienna to the Alber tina Museum. Photo exhibit was fine. Didn't like the Expressionists. Second-rate. Best piece was featured on the brochure, which of course makes me wish I'd just gone home and stared at the brochure.Had a scare back at home with my Mac. I've yet to had a Mac crash, but it seemed close tonight. Remi lit a candle while I held my breath. So far, all is okay.
More About: Tina , Blah

Fat Raindrops Falling
2007-07-29 00:36:00
A. Long. Day.After a somewhat bizarre (including an Austrian Dixieland Jazz Quartet) but gorgeous (storybook castles, rolling hills) riverboat ride along Lower Austria's fantastic Wachau wine region, we landed at the famed Cafe Landtmann in the late afternoon, where my visiting friend took a long distance call from the US that involved a discussion about SpongeBob Squarepants.My Hainburg neighbor met us at the Landtmann and accompanied us over to the Rathaus for a free concert/opera. We arrived good and early to secure a seat. Two hours early.At the first note of the overture of the Marriage of Figaro, the first fat drop of rain fell on me. Pop open the umbrella.We sat huddled in the rain, in the dark, squeezing under an umbrella, trying to watch a pre-recorded opera on a screen outside the Rathaus. Fat raindrops fell. After a few more cracks of thunder we gave up the good fight and headed home.
More About: Raindrops , Fall , Drop

Ost is Ost
2007-07-27 10:59:00
A while back, I tried to pitch an article on the resurgence of retro in Eastern Europe. Ostalgia has grown, mostly since the movie Goodbye, Lenin came out a couple of years ago. Couldn't get an editor within a 10,000 mile radius interested in my piece. Anyway, I was in Bratislava yesterday with a friend visiting from the US. I ran across this banner advertising Kofola--Communism's answer to Coke-- on an umbrella at an outdoor cafe.

From Harry to Smokey to Harry
2007-07-27 02:00:00
I first met Luka in Bucharest (where he's from) as a 10-year-old talking about Harry Potter. Now he's 18, smoking a water pipe in Armenia, and talking about Harry Potter.
More About: Smokey

There's Still Sand in the Sahara
2007-07-25 08:53:00
Back to Algeria:I was there for about four months late last year and early this year.My friend and colleague, Jim Wright, was consulting for an Arabic-language newspaper, and as a Thank You before Jim left, the editor gave him an all-expense paid trip to the Sahara . Hey, the code of ethics can't possibly apply here because Ali refused all manner of No's and Objections. It was a choice of two: All expense paid trip to the desert, or an additional wife. Here's an excerpt from a recent email, detailing his Holiday in the Sand :"In El Oued, the streets are paved with sand – a dusty red-brown grit that shapes the lives of the Soufi (people of the dunes) just as the sea molds the character of a New England fisherman. Centuries ago traders caravanning through the ocean of sand noticed that palm trees grew wild around El Oued, and discovered that they could reach water by digging in the shadows of the big dunes. A town and a forest of date palms soon grew from the sand, nurtured by a br...
More About: Hara

The Vatican of Armenia
2007-07-24 10:48:00
The so-called "Vatican of Armenia " is just outside the city of Yerevan. As we were walking around the grounds, the "pope" was leaving in a limousine.There are no nuns in the church. Priests can marry, but if one has ambitions to become a bishop, he better not marry. An older priest leaves after the church service
More About: The Vatican

Armenia's Hell
2007-07-24 08:28:00
In American high schools, nearly the only thing we learn about WWI is that it was triggered by the assassination of Austrian Archduke Ferdinand in Sarajevo.In the first years of the war, up to 1.5 million Armenians were killed in a holocaust driven by the Ottoman Turks. Theodore Roosevelt characterized it as the "greatest crime of the war."Our ambassador in Ottoman at that time wrote in his memoirs: "When the Turkish authorities gave the orders for these deportations, they were merely giving the death warrant to a whole race; they understood this well, and, in their conversations with me, they made no particular attempt to conceal the fact..."There were about 25 concentration camps. Killings were also carried out in the form of poisonings, burnings and drownings.Winston Churchill said this: "the clearance of race from Asia Minor was about as complete as such an act could be...There is no reason to doubt that this crime was planned and executed for political reasons. The opportunity ...
More About: Hell

Say What?
2007-07-23 10:07:00
This reads something i Armenian, but I don't know what.

Runaway Reporter
2007-07-23 09:34:00
On my last day in Yerevan, Aram wanted to make sure I got out of the city to see at least some of the sights.He told me he didn't want anyone to think that he was exploiting me for cheap labor.I worked until about 6, walked home, and he came by about 15 minutes later to drive me out to "The Vatican of Armenia"--basically, the seat of the Christian church in Armenia.*I think Aram is possibly the worst driver outside the Republic of Georgia I've ever seen. He stopped in a lane on a boulevard to take a phone call.After the phone call he continued telling me about his life in journalism"We started the first successful independent paper in Armenia after the Soviets. It was just a lot of junk, full of gossip, cartoons, titties, but we didnt' care." It was a youth paper, as it turns out. Aram was only about 15-years-old.The titty youth paper folded, and then someone approached Aram about becoming a real reporter, and he jumped at it.By the time he was 16, he'd interviewed four presiden...
More About: Reporter , Runaway

What's Up in Kazakhstan, Doc?
2007-07-21 15:05:00
A few years back I was sitting outside at a party in Slovakia talking in a group to a Kaza kh (now a famous national poet), a couple of Slovaks, a Czech, a couple of Romanians, some Georgians (Republic of) and a Bulgarian. We found out that we'd all been raised on Winnie the Pooh, The Little Prince, Alice in Wonderland, Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry.Last night Aram made sure to give me a friendly Armenian send-off. Since I had to leave for the airport at 3:30 am, I was hoping it would be an early send-off and then a send-to-bed.Not to be, and never in Armenia. They are a nation of insomniacs.Aram calls me at 10:45pm."So, Patricia. Are you ready?"Think Coffee. Think Coffee. Think Coffee."Sure. Do you want to pick me up or can I walk?"And then ensued sure-fire, Easy To Follow, Can't Miss It directions on a cell phone that was breaking up. Considering it was dark, and street names are not only in a language I don't understand, but an alphabet I've never seen before two weeks ago--I ...
More About: Kazakhstan

I'm Bad
2007-07-18 21:35:00
This morning as I was getting ready for work, I started to cry about a dog named Julia. I cried and cried. I sat near the edge of my couch in Armenia and cried about a dog in Moldova that I knew three years ago.I don't know what prompted the tears, but they arrived unexpectedly, and I was nothing but a witness to their hurried escape from my eyes.Julia was in Moldova and lived in the courtyard outside of my apartment. She needed and trusted me, and beyond that, it's too difficult to share why she needed and trusted me. Enough to say that I never kicked her and bruised her kidneys and she knew I'd never kick her or bruise her kidneys. She knew that she could put her face to mine and be safe there, no matter the horror that had come before. No matter the horror.But I established a trust and then did nothing for her. That's betrayal. Shame on me.

Humbling
2007-07-17 19:22:00
Yerevan lies in a valley, surrounded by Mt. Ararat, upon which a tv tower is currently perched.This is the exact place where Noah's Ark was said to have run aground after the 40 days and 40 nights of rain pounded out The Great Flood. This is where his sons set out. This is where Noah was, and where I am.Outside the sun has finally given up and decided to set. There is a steady drone of cars.