Seamania Articles and tall tales Seamania Articles and tall tales Articles, Tall Tales and a vivid imagination - some non-fiction, others not so serious and the rest just utter fabrication! Articles
The American Investigation - Day Nine
2008-10-11 17:08:00 As I staggered along the sun-baked cracked earth, I knew that the only reason to continue was to get to the other end! ?I need water? I felt like screaming out but nobody was there to listen!It?s a long story and how I came to be in this dessert without food or assistance is well ? a pile of dung! It all is a pile of dung! I wasn?t in a dessert or in need of water I was just in an extremely large car park called America!I got the driver to drop me off at Circuit City and as the name suggests it sells computers and such-like. Not finding what I wanted there I decided to walk to Wal Mart! And that people is where my story starts!As I have mentioned before, nobody walks in America! To get from one place to the next requires a car! Even the local Chase Bank is a drive-in! But I walked as I didn?t have a car and apart from the loud honking noises as irate drivers queried the ?fool? I was the only two-footed soul in existence! No pavements mind you, just dirt tracks that perhaps the cows ... More About: American , Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Eight
2008-10-09 16:13:00 I?ve been on a ship for a few days doing my day job of superintendency and its been great not to have read any newspapers or listened to any experts blow hot air into a faded wallet!I have though heard snippets from the television ? as the credit-crisis turns into unmitigated disaster (especially for executives and directors of banks boo hoo) ? I was surprised out of my bowl of rice and fish heads to discover that Britain has topped America for bailout offerings!There was old America captivating the world with traumatic on-the-knees threats of global meltdown, of far-reaching consequences and near tomato throwing hysterics, the actions of American politicians unveiling a drama that was far more entertaining than Dallas ever was, when all of a sudden Britain ounces a bailout package that is of a greater value than their token offering amounted to! Last I looked the British to the American economy is a single peanut to a family sized jar of peanut butter yet without any fanfare, witho... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Eight
2008-10-09 16:13:00 I?ve been on a ship for a few days doing my day job of superintendency and its been great not to have read any newspapers or listened to any experts blow hot air into a faded wallet!I have though heard snippets from the television ? as the credit-crisis turns into unmitigated disaster (especially for executives and directors of banks boo hoo) ? I was surprised out of my bowl of rice and fish heads to discover that Britain has topped America for bailout offerings!There was old America captivating the world with traumatic on-the-knees threats of global meltdown, of far-reaching consequences and near tomato throwing hysterics, the actions of American politicians unveiling a drama that was far more entertaining than Dallas ever was, when all of a sudden Britain ounces a bailout package that is of a greater value than their token offering amounted to! Last I looked the British to the American economy is a single peanut to a family sized jar of peanut butter yet without any fanfare, witho... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Seven
2008-10-09 16:10:00 After a good nights sleep at the Quality Inn in Houston I was driven helter-skelter to Freeport where I joined the good ship Mark C! This vessel was discharging windmill blades ashore and once completed and after being given permission to sail on the vessel to Houston itself the ropes were let go and the vessel steamed on its merry way!The very American Pilot (the guy to whom ship Captains are legally bound to listen to as they navigate in enclosed waters) carried on his conversation without falter as I entered the bridge!?20 degrees to starboard?? He said not really listening to the half-hearted grunts given out of politeness! He continued talking loudly to the Captain and the AB at the steering wheel not two feet away!???I was down here only yesterday when a fast boat came out o?nowhere??.. ?136 degrees kind sir?! He shouted to the AB at the wheel????well, I said to the Captain, you all see that. Well, I think the Captain did see it as he was as white as a ghost ????Hard a port th... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Seven
2008-10-09 16:10:00 After a good nights sleep at the Quality Inn in Houston I was driven helter-skelter to Freeport where I joined the good ship Mark C! This vessel was discharging windmill blades ashore and once completed and after being given permission to sail on the vessel to Houston itself the ropes were let go and the vessel steamed on its merry way!The very American Pilot (the guy to whom ship Captains are legally bound to listen to as they navigate in enclosed waters) carried on his conversation without falter as I entered the bridge!?20 degrees to starboard?? He said not really listening to the half-hearted grunts given out of politeness! He continued talking loudly to the Captain and the AB at the steering wheel not two feet away!???I was down here only yesterday when a fast boat came out o?nowhere??.. ?136 degrees kind sir?! He shouted to the AB at the wheel????well, I said to the Captain, you all see that. Well, I think the Captain did see it as he was as white as a ghost ????Hard a port th... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Six
2008-10-07 03:45:00 This afternoon I flew from Tampa to Houston! It was an uneventful trip apart from the mammoth sitting in the seat next to me, and half in mine - a quick drive across town and I checked into the Quality Inn, Houston!Nice little hotel/motel in the middle of nowhere!The restaurant was a classic affair! Nice food! And there was a swimming pool with skimpily clad woman drinking beer!And so, on day six I keep my mouth sealed and make no comment on American s and their habits! I do though have to make one comment: Galveston, Houston, etc suffer every time a hurricane or strong wing comes along! If the residents of these near coastal towns want to stop their houses flooding, for the roofs to stop blowing off and for them to stall falling over like a pack of cards then don't buy rubbish! A house built on a flood plane out of plywood and tarmac will not withstand a babies fart never mind high winds!Anyway; I think they must know that as this is not the first time destruction has hit although ... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Six
2008-10-07 03:45:00 This afternoon I flew from Tampa to Houston! It was an uneventful trip apart from the mammoth sitting in the seat next to me, and half in mine - a quick drive across town and I checked into the Quality Inn, Houston!Nice little hotel/motel in the middle of nowhere!The restaurant was a classic affair! Nice food! And there was a swimming pool with skimpily clad woman drinking beer!And so, on day six I keep my mouth sealed and make no comment on American s and their habits! I do though have to make one comment: Galveston, Houston, etc suffer every time a hurricane or strong wing comes along! If the residents of these near coastal towns want to stop their houses flooding, for the roofs to stop blowing off and for them to stall falling over like a pack of cards then don't buy rubbish! A house built on a flood plane out of plywood and tarmac will not withstand a babies fart never mind high winds!Anyway; I think they must know that as this is not the first time destruction has hit although ... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Five
2008-10-06 01:13:00 As my last day in Tampa draws to an end I feel that I must find the good about American s and their beloved country! I thus set out today on a positive note! I went walking to find the good, to remain unbiased and without drawing on the constant negative that seems to haunt my footsteps whichever which way I turn!Tampa is a nice place. It is an orderly city of blocks and buildings, it has a lovely river walk that meanders gently around the created islands .......... Och, I can't do this! I can't tell porky-pies!Certainly, Tampa is a nice place but when I went walking, on a Sunday at 11am I was astounded! The parks, the lovely river walk and the town were devoid of the one required ingredient - I was the only person out and about! The only areas that could boast activity was a smaller park where the homeless obviously congregated to swap sob stories and the Tampa General Hospital. I got lost and ended up wandering though the middle of the hospital to find the place overcrowded with ... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Five
2008-10-06 01:13:00 As my last day in Tampa draws to an end I feel that I must find the good about American s and their beloved country! I thus set out today on a positive note! I went walking to find the good, to remain unbiased and without drawing on the constant negative that seems to haunt my footsteps whichever which way I turn!Tampa is a nice place. It is an orderly city of blocks and buildings, it has a lovely river walk that meanders gently around the created islands .......... Och, I can't do this! I can't tell porky-pies!Certainly, Tampa is a nice place but when I went walking, on a Sunday at 11am I was astounded! The parks, the lovely river walk and the town were devoid of the one required ingredient - I was the only person out and about! The only areas that could boast activity was a smaller park where the homeless obviously congregated to swap sob stories and the Tampa General Hospital. I got lost and ended up wandering though the middle of the hospital to find the place overcrowded with ... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Four
2008-10-05 04:33:00 I?ve been watching allot of television recently! Not allot in the sense that I sit for hours like a genetically modified potato but simply that I flick through so many channels in a desperate attempt to find something even remotely interesting to watch!I typically get back to the hotel in the evening! I am tired and would like nothing more than to put my feet up in front of the box to watch something good! It is this last bit that I can?t seem to get to grips with! There?s allot of American football to watch; there is even more channels with experts talking about American Football in forceful ways! OJ Simpson might have been doing this had he not been held up in jail today! I?ve never understood American Football!And then there are many other channels with many very expert experts who don?t pause for breath or blink whilst enforcing their expertise down poor viewer?s throats! I found one channel with a nice lady on it and even took my finger off the button ? but it was in fact an ad... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Four
2008-10-05 04:33:00 I?ve been watching allot of television recently! Not allot in the sense that I sit for hours like a genetically modified potato but simply that I flick through so many channels in a desperate attempt to find something even remotely interesting to watch!I typically get back to the hotel in the evening! I am tired and would like nothing more than to put my feet up in front of the box to watch something good! It is this last bit that I can?t seem to get to grips with! There?s allot of American football to watch; there is even more channels with experts talking about American Football in forceful ways! OJ Simpson might have been doing this had he not been held up in jail today! I?ve never understood American Football!And then there are many other channels with many very expert experts who don?t pause for breath or blink whilst enforcing their expertise down poor viewer?s throats! I found one channel with a nice lady on it and even took my finger off the button ? but it was in fact an ad... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Three
2008-10-04 01:30:00 I am in Tampa, Florida - the sunshine state is that you say? Beautiful weather! Nice and cool in the evenings; nice and hot in the day!For breakfast I have a glass of very fresh orange juice! Not a tinsy-wincy glass as found in the UK but a man-sized pull! All the dishes are big here! I cannot finish anything! Yesterday I ordered a salad, something light I thought but ended up with a whole vegetable garden drowned in enough dressing to sink a ship! I left half of it and the waitress asked me if there was something wrong! The locals certianly don't have a problem with these extremely large dishes! I saw a man today, he was working on a ship and had to walk up the gangway sideways, huffing and puffing as he waddled up to get to the top where the thin people stood! He is a tank inspector! His job is to go down tanks to test the atmosphere, to ensure that the tank has enough oxygen in it for others to work safely within! There was no feasible way for him to get into a tank; they just d... More About: American , Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Three
2008-10-04 01:30:00 I am in Tampa, Florida - the sunshine state is that you say? Beautiful weather! Nice and cool in the evenings; nice and hot in the day!For breakfast I have a glass of very fresh orange juice! Not a tinsy-wincy glass as found in the UK but a man-sized pull! All the dishes are big here! I cannot finish anything! Yesterday I ordered a salad, something light I thought but ended up with a whole vegetable garden drowned in enough dressing to sink a ship! I left half of it and the waitress asked me if there was something wrong! The locals certianly don't have a problem with these extremely large dishes! I saw a man today, he was working on a ship and had to walk up the gangway sideways, huffing and puffing as he waddled up to get to the top where the thin people stood! He is a tank inspector! His job is to go down tanks to test the atmosphere, to ensure that the tank has enough oxygen in it for others to work safely within! There was no feasible way for him to get into a tank; they just d... More About: American , Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Two
2008-10-03 03:38:00 I am walking along the road and I feel scared! Not sure why as it is only 8pm and nobody is around! I think that is the scary bit! Here I am in downtown Tampa and nobody, I mean nobody, is out walking! Not a soul to be seen anywhere!There are plenty of cars rolling around! Enormous gas-munching, large tyre monster trucks with dark-tinted windows! Could just be a lawyer going home after working late or perhaps a kerb crawler looking for a cheap and nasty blow-job or a gang of youths out for a fight with some pale Scotsman! How am I supposed to know?I walked from the Tampa Port Authority building on Channelside Drive, onto Meridian and then onto Jackson Street which runs through the heart of the business side of Tampa! It was dark and creepy and not a soul was in sight!Some church bells rang! A mournful expression of destitution in an otherwise creepy surround!I have managed to get most of the way along Jackson Street and I can see the Bank Of America building ahead ? my hotel lies ju... More About: American , Investigation
The American Investigation - Day Two
2008-10-03 03:38:00 I am walking along the road and I feel scared! Not sure why as it is only 8pm and nobody is around! I think that is the scary bit! Here I am in downtown Tampa and nobody, I mean nobody, is out walking! Not a soul to be seen anywhere!There are plenty of cars rolling around! Enormous gas-munching, large tyre monster trucks with dark-tinted windows! Could just be a lawyer going home after working late or perhaps a kerb crawler looking for a cheap and nasty blow-job or a gang of youths out for a fight with some pale Scotsman! How am I supposed to know?I walked from the Tampa Port Authority building on Channelside Drive, onto Meridian and then onto Jackson Street which runs through the heart of the business side of Tampa! It was dark and creepy and not a soul was in sight!Some church bells rang! A mournful expression of destitution in an otherwise creepy surround!I have managed to get most of the way along Jackson Street and I can see the Bank Of America building ahead ? my hotel lies ju... More About: American , Investigation
The American Investigation - Day One
2008-10-01 20:55:00 In the face support for Obama and Biden outside a house in Tampa - and the forgotten environment behindI am here, on American Soil to conduct an investigation! I want to see what is really going down, I want to talk at the grass roots level to the people who matter and I want to see what they say about Obama and McCain, and I want to see if the Credit Crunch has in fact made everybody forget that last weeks topic was about the environment and not money and I want to try and find some sense amongst the daily stupidity that reaches us in Britain!I flew from Amsterdam to Atlanta on a KLM flight and I managed to listen in to an interesting conversation! The large American couple sitting behind were peering out of the window as the planes wheels left the tarmac: ?Maybe when we get high enough (the plane I suppose) we can see the tulips, the wife said as she applied some lipstick on lips that had not seen daylight since she popped out all those years ago!?Well, I hope so, but it is the fa... More About: Investigation
The American Investigation - Day One
2008-10-01 20:55:00 In the face support for Obama and Biden outside a house in Tampa - and the forgotten environment behindI am here, on American Soil to conduct an investigation! I want to see what is really going down, I want to talk at the grass roots level to the people who matter and I want to see what they say about Obama and McCain, and I want to see if the Credit Crunch has in fact made everybody forget that last weeks topic was about the environment and not money and I want to try and find some sense amongst the daily stupidity that reaches us in Britain!I flew from Amsterdam to Atlanta on a KLM flight and I managed to listen in to an interesting conversation! The large American couple sitting behind were peering out of the window as the planes wheels left the tarmac: ?Maybe when we get high enough (the plane I suppose) we can see the tulips, the wife said as she applied some lipstick on lips that had not seen daylight since she popped out all those years ago!?Well, I hope so, but it is the fa... More About: Investigation
TRAWLERMEN
2008-09-21 10:06:00 I`d like to speak of Trawlermen that search the cruel seas,Hunting for the fishes that dart off where they please,To shoot the nets and haul `em in, toiling day and night,Risking limbs and humour in oceans breaking white. Skipper in the wheelhouse unshaven in his chair,Wedged in with his coffee and chatting on the air,Tending to his mission and watching out for ships,Gulls are wheeling all about squabling for the bits. Wet and water everywhere faces chapped and red,Rolling and a pitching with spraying overhead,Little change of clothing and soaking all the time,Living in their oilskins amid the salty grime. The gutting of the cargo and chipping of the ice,Lacking sleep, uncomfortable, no lubber?s paradise,Yearning for a dry bunk and warming bit of supper,While freezing in the wind or rolling in the scupper. Loud and noisy engines, pervading oily smell,Dining on the `prime` they caught, every day as well,Snagging of the gear then mending is a chore,Still our island fishermen return ag...
TRAWLERMEN
2008-09-21 10:06:00 I`d like to speak of Trawlermen that search the cruel seas,Hunting for the fishes that dart off where they please,To shoot the nets and haul `em in, toiling day and night,Risking limbs and humour in oceans breaking white. Skipper in the wheelhouse unshaven in his chair,Wedged in with his coffee and chatting on the air,Tending to his mission and watching out for ships,Gulls are wheeling all about squabling for the bits. Wet and water everywhere faces chapped and red,Rolling and a pitching with spraying overhead,Little change of clothing and soaking all the time,Living in their oilskins amid the salty grime. The gutting of the cargo and chipping of the ice,Lacking sleep, uncomfortable, no lubber?s paradise,Yearning for a dry bunk and warming bit of supper,While freezing in the wind or rolling in the scupper. Loud and noisy engines, pervading oily smell,Dining on the `prime` they caught, every day as well,Snagging of the gear then mending is a chore,Still our island fishermen return ag...
I Am a Western Ocean Mariner by Joe Earl
2008-09-05 09:52:00 I am a Western Mariner by Joe Earl Joe Earl has published his second book of poetry and as a taste;MERCHANT NAVY DAY - September 3rd Take a little care this day and glance above the tiles,Perchance to see a flagpole visible for miles,Atop of it a red flag proudly whipping tight,A Merchant Navy ensign flying there by right. From important buildings as well as from the sea.It?s flown to honour mariners and shipping history,Sailing through the years, transporting all the freight,Conserving of the lifelines keeping Britain great. If you glance aloft and see with knowing eye,A `duster` at the masthead when you?re passing by,Please inform your offspring while going on to say,A debt is owed to seamen under colours flown todayTo obtain a copy of the first or second book email me write@seadolby.com and I will get straight onto Joe who will snail mail it out.To read some previous works by Joe from his first book and to read his profile visit HereMore articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Ocean
I Am a Western Ocean Mariner by Joe Earl
2008-09-05 09:52:00 I am a Western Mariner by Joe Earl Joe Earl has published his second book of poetry and as a taste;MERCHANT NAVY DAY - September 3rd Take a little care this day and glance above the tiles,Perchance to see a flagpole visible for miles,Atop of it a red flag proudly whipping tight,A Merchant Navy ensign flying there by right. From important buildings as well as from the sea.It?s flown to honour mariners and shipping history,Sailing through the years, transporting all the freight,Conserving of the lifelines keeping Britain great. If you glance aloft and see with knowing eye,A `duster` at the masthead when you?re passing by,Please inform your offspring while going on to say,A debt is owed to seamen under colours flown todayTo obtain a copy of the first or second book email me write@seadolby.com and I will get straight onto Joe who will snail mail it out.To read some previous works by Joe from his first book and to read his profile visit HereMore articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Ocean
The difficulty of beating up my son!
2008-08-08 22:10:00 After a hard days work at sea, or a month or two of trying to teach supposedly qualified engineers the purpose of a spanner there is nothing better than a good old fight! I used to come home, strip off and find my son; he was during his younger years an excellent punchbag - although he did tend curl up in a ball and cry too much!Recently though he has resorted to clever evasive tactics - which I am not at all impressed with as it tends to diminish the enjoyment of the event!My wife took some photographs of his recent ability to outwit me!Where is that boy...........Ah, there you are - square up lad and take it like a man!I'm gonna get you boy!Ha, got you.........I am the champion yet again!Hey, what are you doing you little scallywag?Where's he Gone?More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Difficulty , Beating
The difficulty of beating up my son!
2008-08-08 22:10:00 After a hard days work at sea, or a month or two of trying to teach supposedly qualified engineers the purpose of a spanner there is nothing better than a good old fight! I used to come home, strip off and find my son; he was during his younger years an excellent punchbag - although he did tend curl up in a ball and cry too much!Recently though he has resorted to clever evasive tactics - which I am not at all impressed with as it tends to diminish the enjoyment of the event!My wife took some photographs of his recent ability to outwit me!Where is that boy...........Ah, there you are - square up lad and take it like a man!I'm gonna get you boy!Ha, got you.........I am the champion yet again!Hey, what are you doing you little scallywag?Where's he Gone?More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Difficulty , Beating
Hey Mate, Have you see a copper around here?
2008-08-06 22:30:00 More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Mate , Copper
Hey Mate, Have you see a copper around here?
2008-08-06 22:30:00 More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Mate , Copper
To Write Positively; no more shock tactics!
2008-08-06 11:30:00 Tis very easy to write about bad things, far easier anyway than to write something good! Recently I have found all the bad things in the world to comment on, the British attraction to copious amounts of alcohol, the ability of the British public to successfully show tourists how to completely blanket a country in garbage and understandably how my house was burgled by a scruffy midget with trainers on!Newspapers the world over relish in negative side of life! Take for example the recent oil hikes:"rising prices shock the world", "recession imminent as oil prices rocket", stagnation the next step", etc.Then, the situation rapidly changed and oil prices unexpectedly dropped within a week!"plummeting oil prices start price wars at the pumps", oil companies suffer as prices fall through the roof", shock hits as oil prices drops create havoc on the trading floor (as if anybody really cared), etc.It is rare to see "good news" liberally pasted on a front page of a newspaper! Singapore once ... More About: Shock , Tactics , Write
To Write Positively; no more shock tactics!
2008-08-06 11:30:00 Tis very easy to write about bad things, far easier anyway than to write something good! Recently I have found all the bad things in the world to comment on, the British attraction to copious amounts of alcohol, the ability of the British public to successfully show tourists how to completely blanket a country in garbage and understandably how my house was burgled by a scruffy midget with trainers on!Newspapers the world over relish in negative side of life! Take for example the recent oil hikes:"rising prices shock the world", "recession imminent as oil prices rocket", stagnation the next step", etc.Then, the situation rapidly changed and oil prices unexpectedly dropped within a week!"plummeting oil prices start price wars at the pumps", oil companies suffer as prices fall through the roof", shock hits as oil prices drops create havoc on the trading floor (as if anybody really cared), etc.It is rare to see "good news" liberally pasted on a front page of a newspaper! Singapore once ... More About: Shock , Tactics , Write
Britain - the Worlds Capital for Alcohol Consumption!
2008-08-02 20:34:00 Drink and be MerryI have a job! I think I have a life! Not many people can say that with utmost honesty! Looking around me this fine day I cannot see many people that are secure within their own environment; I fully appreciate that it is raining cats and dogs, that summer holidays and the ongoing sales are causing overdrafts to turn purple and for credit cards to get heavier but then this is all of ones own making!You make your bed - you lie in it!Britain is not a good place to live anymore and this is not the 'speak' of an old git with a cob on, this is the tired voice of one who would move away to warmer climes if he could afford to do so.I know very well that what I write in this post, and probably in all my future postings will be a complete repeat of what has been said thousands of times before but then I can only hope that if it is said enough a change might be forthcoming! I doubt it, but I feel better just thinking about it.A newspaper article in Taiwan informed the Taiwan... More About: Alcohol , Worlds , Capital , Consumption
Britain - the Worlds Capital for Alcohol Consumption!
2008-08-02 20:34:00 Drink and be MerryI have a job! I think I have a life! Not many people can say that with utmost honesty! Looking around me this fine day I cannot see many people that are secure within their own environment; I fully appreciate that it is raining cats and dogs, that summer holidays and the ongoing sales are causing overdrafts to turn purple and for credit cards to get heavier but then this is all of ones own making!You make your bed - you lie in it!Britain is not a good place to live anymore and this is not the 'speak' of an old git with a cob on, this is the tired voice of one who would move away to warmer climes if he could afford to do so.I know very well that what I write in this post, and probably in all my future postings will be a complete repeat of what has been said thousands of times before but then I can only hope that if it is said enough a change might be forthcoming! I doubt it, but I feel better just thinking about it.A newspaper article in Taiwan informed the Taiwan... More About: Alcohol , Worlds , Capital , Consumption
The Current State of Britain, of Pit Bulls and Garbage!
More articles from this author:2008-07-31 20:40:00 Yet another overflowing bin in Central LondonMy family and I recently set-off on a jaunt around Britain ! A holiday that took us to the Isle of Wight and Cowes, then to London before finishing off in Leicester and Market Harborough! A plane, a ferry, a few underground and overland trains and a number of taxi's later we arrived back in Edinburgh exhausted but mostly happy!It was a great holiday, nice to travel around in relaxed fashion and perfect for my wife to see more of the UK than Edinburgh but sadly certain aspects have left me with little else to write about on a positive note! I don't want to dwell on these negative bits but then I need to clear my mind of them! And anyway, gaily decorated articles about touristic locations, helpful waitresses and sunny-days are a dime-a-dozen; the current and observed downfall of England is not!In London we stayed in Southwark, close to the banks of the Thames and within walking distance of some of the well known sights of Big Ben, the Lond... More About: Current , Bulls , Garbage , State 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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