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The Midget Burglar and the Svarowksy Crystal
2008-07-19 15:08:00
The small panel that the little twat smashed to get throughSome little twat broke into my house when I was away sunning myself in Turkey! Admittedly the extremely overgrown hedge outside that interfered with the passer-by?s and the jungle like lawn spoke volumes about an empty house but I would have thought the bogus alarm box would have prevented further excursion!I mean my neighbour was also away at the time but his house did not get broken into ? and he doesn?t even have an imitation alarm box fitted! And what about the people across the road, they?ve been away for months and their hedge looks like an overgrown Amazon rain forest!I say little twat because he climbed through an extremely small panel to get in! He/she entered through the back door by breaking glass and then smashed two internal doors to access the front section of the house! The policemen who didn?t bother to rush his doughnut before coming to visit told me that I was ?daft to lock the inside doors?! Basically anyb...
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An Istanbul Walk in the Sun
2008-07-06 15:42:00
This morning I had a brainwave and set-off from my hotel to walk to Istanbul City Center! It didn?t look far on the map ? believe me, although now I am beginning to think that I read the scale wrong and also the sky was cloudy which made perfect conditions for a long trek!My hotel is located in a suburb of Istanbul called Pendik, closer to Tuzla than Istanbul! The map showed me that a simple walk along an excellent promenade (that runs all the way along the coast) would have had me in the big city without further ado! And so with all the good will in the world, a little bottle of water and a steady gait I set-off on my Sunday adventure!The point at which I decided to turn away from IstanbulI never reached my destination! After setting off at 9am the sun decided to appear and blast 33 degrees plus degrees down onto lil?ol unsuspecting me! Not to be outdone I pushed on but after three hours and 17 kilometers of grueling sun I eventually had to give up! Another 17 kilometres later and ...
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The Turkish Male and the Subservient Woman
2008-07-05 16:34:00
The Mosque Across the RoadAs I sit here in Turkey waiting for my ship to come in, I am asking myself some startling questions! I don?t normally get all ?deep? about religion but sitting here in Turkey it crops up again and again!Last night for example I did not close my window so at four thirty I was violently woken up by a call-to-prayer from the mosque across the road! I didn?t go but I must admit, even with the window closed and the pillow over my head it was hard not to go rushing across to stick my bum in the air! Earlier I had been flicking through the channels of the television in my hotel room whilst sipping a strange mixture of Burgaz Raki (In Turkey, Raki is the unofficial 'national drink') and orange juice when a channel popped up with a skinny white-haired German pounding away at the behind of a maid in some motel in Atlanta ? a full blue movie to say the least! I didn?t stay to watch, to see if the maid got caught or if the manager joined in as punishment, but it all ...
More About: Woman , Male , Turkish

?????? ??? ?? ???????
2008-07-04 19:30:00
The Turkish FlagI have recently had the pleasure of visiting a ship for the second time in Turkey! Whilst the setting and surround cannot quite compete with say Martigue or Edinburgh the experience was pleasant and changed my pre-conceived opinion of Turkey and the Turks immediately!Gemlik - looking out to the Sea of MarmaraTwice I visited Gemlik, twice I had to drive at breakneck speed from Istanbul Airport and 280 Kilometres around to Gemlik, a small town positioned on the tip of an islet in the Sea of Marmara! The reason for the rush had nothing to do with the ship, the weather or the need for a toilet break - this was simply my driver who defied death and the speed limits to deliver an ever improving service to myself!On the Road from Istanbul to GemlikThe second time we drove this distance was at night; a brake and zoom race through the darkness against large trucks and equally mad drivers! During this three hour journey at speeds of up to 160 KM/hr past signs that clearly said...

Monet Painting Goes under the hammer for 80 million US
2008-06-24 18:56:00
Monet Painting Goes under the hammer for 80 million US (about 42 Million Pounds or summat)?You gorra be kidding mate! Whar a waste of money! Pssst, I think you've been conned kiddo!I can imagine the wife will not be happy when he comes home with that wrapped in brown paper! And there, darn it all, she had been planning on giving that money to help those starving orphans in Somalia!Drat and double drat! Never mind, they can hang it in the kitchen and argue under it every so often! Or put it in the garage and never look at it for 80 or so years - just like the last guy who owned it did!More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales
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Claudia C in the Port of Caronte, France
2008-06-24 17:05:00
Ages ago I posted a picture of the Claudia C in Malaga as she entered the harbour! Well here's another as she strains at the bit to leave the Port of Caronte in France ! Maybe she felt slighted amongst the yuppie yachts and expressions of wealth that zoomed past all day on the Canal de Caronte!Next Port Fos Sur Mer!More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales

Martigues and Marseilles, Wenlsydale or Processed
2008-06-23 13:31:00
A Shop in Martigues ? No McDonald's Here Way down south, nestled on the northern shores of the Mediterranean is the largish city of Marseilles, France and just a few kilometers west is Martigues, two typically French habitats that have nothing at all in common with each other! What a chunk of Wenslydale with Cranberries is to a pack of processed cheese slices ? on a very expensive wooden platter! Marseilles being the cheap, chemically enhanced and often unavoidable choice when in a hurry at an airport cafe!Sleeping rough in Marseilles? Or was that the market?When I first visited Marseilles and after my first sojourn ashore I simply wanted to stay on the ship, no further inclination to investigate further after seeing what looked like an immigration holding camp near to the centre of town! Whole Algerian families, people of all ages from Tunisia to Afghanistan seemed to be camped out on street corners and under all available trees, blocking doorways, most with their hands out! A fig...

My New Careeer As a Ship Owner in Martigues
2008-06-21 14:55:00
I was waiting for my ship to come in! Luckily I was twiddling my thumbs in the Mediterranean town of Martigues (referred to by the locals as the Venise de Provence - a little hopefully perhaps), 30 degrees of luxury sun and nothing else to do except enjoy it!As I was battling along in the midday sun, probably suffering from premature sunstroke with the shock of displacing myself from the cold of Edinburgh and whilst gasping for some much needed water I suddenly espied my new life ahead of me!I am now a proud ship manager/boat owner with my first vessel on my books - be it as it may that I am owner, captain, chief, cook and bottle washer! I admit, it is not the best of boats, it is more under water than out and look as if it has been like that for some time now! I doth fear that should I pump the water I will find no bottom remaining, that should I leave it lying there till market rates rise I might come back one day to find that it is no longer and I fear that I may have been overch...
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The Ventura - P&O's latest and largest addition!
2008-06-13 14:34:00
I was sitting in Southampton airport twiddling my thumbs and minding my own business when I noticed that I was being swamped by people who were certainly double my age, if not more! Some were scraping skin off my knees in clumsy airport style wheelchairs, others prodded my feet blindly with a variety of walking sticks (how they got those lethal weapons through airport security is beyond me) whilst other simply used my body as a point from which to bounce off whilst finding a chair to sit on!After some grunts and groans they settled down and I couldn't help but over hear their conversations! One jovial man told the whole airport "I wouldn't be surprised if there is a bus outside to take us all back to Edinburgh, just like P&O to get it wrong again"! He even told this to a Flybe girl who was walking past, she smiled politely, even chuckled in suitable response but I could see it in her eyes, she hadn't a clue as to what he was talking aboutAn old lady with her face scraping the flo...
More About: Largest , Ventura

International Ship and Port Facility Security (ISPS)
2008-06-08 19:46:00
A Typical Spanish Port where no security exists and probably never will!A culture of security practice onboard the average cargo vessel is a relatively new part of a ?life-at-sea? whilst onboard an all-singing all-dancing passenger ship it has been part of the culture since the keel was first laid! On oil and gas tankers it has been thought about on dredgers a mere passing joke! Security awareness sprung out of the woodwork with a vengeance after the bombing of the twin towers in New York (9th November 2001) but was the culmination of a series of events before and after that came to a head with the USS Cole being targeted in Yemen (12 October 2000) and the final nail in the coffin being the MV Limburg in the Arabian Sea in October 2002.Both the USS Cole and the Limburg highlighted the glaring openness of vessels and ships to terrorist attack or of them being used to promote terrorist activity. With America pushing wholeheartedly at the International Maritime Organisation (IMO) a new...
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A Sunny Day in Edinburgh
2008-06-01 10:46:00
The Sun came out properly for the first time in two years! Thankfully it was on a Saturday so for the most part offices were closed and most people did not have to look at the weather from behind a desk!The sun came out, people came out and the smiles came out (some seemed to be grimacing but that might have just been a lack of practice)! Lots of wobbly people around; white pasty shaped lumps of dough who looked as if they had spent two years indoors and on the couch, perhaps the occasional trip to MacDonald?s or simply a choice between the take-away menus that conveniently flopped through the letterbox - and hey, bingo next the door bell rings and a pizza or a Chinese is there!The sun brought people out of the dark on Saturday, like bears after hibernation it took them the whole day to see that it was for real, that the skies were not going to darken, that the heavens were not going to open and let what might be the whole Amazon river down onto the city of Edinburgh ! It was difficu...
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Welcome Hotel Dunkirk
2008-05-30 16:59:00
Sitting at the bar of the Welcome Hotel in Dunkirk in France I am wondering, and not for the first time, about cultures and people and how they all differ from country to country. What may have set this thought train on its merry way, may well have been the same as has set millions of other similar mind absorbing sessions into motion, and without actually finger pointing, it comes in a bottle!The Welcome Hotel was recommended to me by the agent! He said ?a pleasant hotel with friendly staff?.It was alright! The room was hardly big enough to swing a cat in, the view was another building that was blurred due to its closeness and the bathroom came with the usual shower head that refused to stay on the wall! I don?t though spend much time in a hotel room, the action is always elsewhere!I went down to the hotels bar/restaurant and sat at the circular serving counter that doubled as the reception desk/drink pouring area!Let the show begin!Four late-middle-aged people sauntered in to take ...

The Statistics of Prostitution - A Brief Guide
2008-05-17 21:35:00
When I first wrote the article titled ?Prostitution ? I thought long and hard over whether I should publish it or not! For starters, I did not really want the word the word ?prostitution? associated with my website and I certainly did not take fancy to loads of perverts hoping for ?free sex? popping along only to find pictures of ships and the odd sunset or two instead. Material perhaps for the lonely seafarer yes, for lonely guy looking for a bit of paid for love, no!I published the article though, despite serious misgivings, and not only on my website but also on an article hosting site called searchwarp.com! I have 49 articles on this site but sadly the statistics today tell me the full story of my error! My article Prostitution ? A brief Guide has been on this site for one year with a record breaking total of 3352 Visitors! In second place is another article DIY and My Useless Tools which has been available for over three years yet has had little more than 600 Visitors to cope ...
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Nautical Abbreviations Required
2008-04-21 10:40:00
A request from a Visitor - any help appreciated!I have, or rather had, a Great Uncle, born in 1876, who qualified for a Merchant Navy Second Mate's certificate in 1896 and a First Mate's certificate in 1898. The port of examination in both cases was Sunderland. In 1901 he qualified, again at Sunderland, for another certificate referred to by the abbreviation OC, and in 1905 for yet another referred to as ExC, this time at South Shields.The abbreviations are in what I think is a RNR document. I think this because it has a box headed "R.N.R. Number". I am sending a copy as an attachment in case you would like to see it yourself. I obtained my copy from someone in London who does searches for genealogical and historical records at The National Archives, Kew. The full dates show up in another shot.I would like to know what the abbreviations OC and ExC stand for. I hoped I would find the answers when I came across your website "Nautical Abbreviations, Maritime Initialisms, Merchant Nav...

An Apartment in Kaohsiung
2008-04-20 18:17:00
Is anybody traveling to Kaohsiung soon?My apartment, the one that I own is a large weight on my back! Here I am in Edinburgh, living and working and there in Kaohsiung I have a large apartment that needs a tenant or two!The advert says:This lovely 3-bedroomed apartment is available for immediate rent at the low price of 18000NTD for one person or family. Should three individual people wish to share the cost will be 6000NTD/person, should two people wish to share it will be 9000 NTD/person. UK Expatriate owned it comes fully-furnished, including fitted closets in all rooms and individual room air conditioning units. It also boasts a fully-fitted studio/office with numerous cupboards and desks. There are two balconies, one to front and rear and a large sitting room with kitchen off to the back. This would suit three people sharing or a family. Please contact me by email if you are interested to look around; the apartment is conveniently located and within walking distance of Boai Road...

Life in a Nutshell
2008-03-28 22:05:00
A man somehow arrives in the emergency ward at the local hospital. He has a fishing line wrapped tangled around his neck and is unable to breathe properly! In fact he is blue in the face and writhing from an obvious lack of oxygen! He is promptly told to wait in-line behind a blatant hypochondriac who couldn't stop smiling, a old girl seeking attention by wearing nearly nothing and an old man who was most likely already dead!The Nigerian doctor, straight on the case after the queue had receded (the dead man was shifted to another ward and the girl was having wild sex in the cleaning cupboard with the hypo)and a quick fag or two, promptly prescribed a course of antibiotics and pain-killers and then with a comforting pat on the back tells the man that from now on he should keep himself warm (or that was the assumption as nobody actually understood what he actually said)!The poor man was then ejected onto the street with a prescription for numerous drugs and the fishing cord still wra...
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Back Home; from Venezuala to Edinburgh
2008-03-08 09:58:00
I am back home now! I understand that I have left Venezuela in Turmoil - I read somewhere in some newspaper that troops were being mobilized on the Cambodian border or something! Sorry Hugo!The return flight was semi-uneventful! Certainly the queues at the Lufthansa Check-in in La Guiara (Caracas) International Airport left something to be desired, not that they were long simply snail like as the "check-in-ers" felt that ten minutes per passenger was normal - and then ask them to pay an airport tax in Bolivares which nobody of course had! Oh, and I must mention the long-haired, extremely-skinny, dark-sunglass-posing, smelly, army-jacket-wearing Columbian who was either in the process of shipping drugs, was taking drugs or was at the very least thinking about one or both, did you have to put him next to me in the plane? And also that lady across the aisle? She ensured that my journey was sleep free as she talked (shouted) to her friends behind, in front and I think those thirty rows...
More About: Edinburgh , Home , Back

La Guaira, the return to Venezuala
2008-03-03 11:22:00
I returned yesterday to Venezuela, to La Guaira nearby Caracas. I was semi-hopeful that this would be the opposite of Maracaibo, that I could go ashore for a walk around and enjoy myself but this never transpired! Maybe I missed something?As I stood on the bridge wing of the ship as we entered port I looked around! Below and on the wharf was a beaten up Volkswagen Beetle with the trunk lid unable to close, on the hills smoke liberally covered the houses as inconsiderate neighbors set fire to the bushes ? bored perhaps?The pilot fell asleep in his chair, the tug broke down and the stevedores never turned up!So I stayed on that bridge wing as we berthed, I stayed there all evening and then I went to bed. The next day I returned to my position to see how life was progressing in La Guaira! The shore-side crane driver had dropped half his load of wheat onto the dock instead of into the truck, the smoke on the hills was still wisping around and new fires were being lit and below and down ...
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American Airlines Lost Luggage Department
2008-03-03 11:01:00
To lose ones luggage is not nice, to really lose it I mean and for the airline to have no idea as to where it is. This is the first time that this has ever happened to me in all of the twenty years that I have been traveling! But who was to blame? American Airlines or British Airways I don?t know but one of them is that is for sure!I have been in constant contact with the Spanish baggage handlers in Maracaibo but that was basically a pointless exercise as they either showed no interest at all or spoke no English! And so I transferred my energies through a series of phone calls to the States and to the central baggage claim depot for American Airlines. As I have now gone passed the five days of my luggage having gone missing so I am no longer forced to converse with an automated drone but a real person! And here is how my conversation went:?Goodday, what can I do you for? said an obvious black woman!?Ah, good morning, I?ve lost my luggage and wander if you can help?, I said!?Ya?ll lo...
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Curacao, A Port in the Storm
2008-03-02 10:48:00
The sailing time from Maracaibo, Venezuela to the Dutch Haven of Curacao is about 10 hours - if one can manage 12 knots or more. One horrible day in Maracaibo, to bed and a wake-up call in heaven!We berthed in the morning to take bunkers and it being Sunday I decided that a nice walk in heaven would be just the ticket. I like Curacao! It has a very old-worldly Dutch style to it, no massively high buildings, no car smog and pollution and just a simple way of passing the time, shopping, eating and watching the sun go down! And so, I did just that! I shopped for some essential items to replace those lost with my luggage, I sat down and had a beer and I watched the world go by until the horn-tooted and a return to the ship was signaled!I wouldn?t mind going back there for a holiday!Later this same day we returned to Venezuela, to discharge more cargo at a port called La Guaira near Caracas! I have no inkling or feeling to go ashore as I am positive that it will be much the same as Marac...
More About: Storm , Port

Mark C Entering the Port of Maracaibo
2008-03-01 19:17:00
Mark C Entering the Port of Maracaibo , VenezuelaMore articles can be found at The Mariners Tales
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Near Death in Maracaibo
2008-03-01 10:31:00
He tried his best but life got in the way..........My luggage went missing right? When I arrived in Maracaibo I stood there like a fool looking at a carousal that was no longer revolving and empty! Naturally I filled out the correct form to identify by bag as a BK25 type and I have kept in constant contact with a hardly non-English speaking American Airlines rep who can only say ?don?t worry? but now after four days I feel that this particular bag is now missing permanently!I?m not being pessimistic and morose I?m just being honest here!During the last couple of days I have intensified my search for this bag! I phoned up American Airlines at great expense and was kept on hold till I fell asleep. So the next day I called again and managed to get hold of an automated baggage handler! It?s great these automated services, you simply ring up and this bored monotone asks you to say your name! I said my name Dolby three times and she came back with a choice of polby, silby and ducky! Then ...
More About: Death

Maracaibo, the Second Day
2008-02-29 16:34:00
As I sit here on the corner of my pint-sized bed, listening to the traffic roaring past on the intercity highway on my windowsill I wander when I am going to escape from this unusual prison! And I seriously wander when my missing bag is going to show up, if at all?I haven?t brushed my teeth in two days and having not shaved I feel quite the tramp ? most likely fitting in quite well to the regular clientèle's of this hotel! I can only presume that this establishment rents rooms for the hour! The adjoining ?suite? was quite the regular knocking shop; even the noise of the traffic and the pigeons cooing outside couldn?t quite cover up the incessant banging of the headboard against the once plastered wall! I hope it wasn?t the same girl; she may well be quite well-off after such a non-stop night of action but I very much doubt that she can walk far to spend the money earned!I must be quite the novelty for a foreigner to rent a room for the whole night and alone to boot!!Please phone ri...
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A Letter to President Hugo Chavez
2008-02-28 22:44:00
Dear Hugo I am in Maracaibo, Venezuala, my first time on your continent and thus in your country! My bag isn?t though! That never came out of the carousal and is somewhere between here and Edinburgh or so American Airlines tell me!Getting here was a three plane journey consisting of lots of walking, sky waitresses (old and new), security checks and an eye-opener at La Chinita International Airport as I watched a full Boeing 757 disgorge itself of hyped up Venezuelans and some ?self-inflated? oil workers into an airport that was designed for nothing more than a Fokker light aircraft! Sir, you seem to have this idea that one pumped-up immigration official with a hole in his desk where the stamp has worn through and the snail like x-ray of luggage as the passengers leave the airport is the correct thing to do! I spent two and a half hours trying to get out of the airport ? by the way, I jumped the queue as my bag had gone walkabout and I was completely fed up!I checked into the Hotel Cu...
More About: President , Letter , Chavez , Hugo Chavez

The Claudia C Entering Malaga Port
2008-02-03 20:35:00
The Claudia C entering the port of Malaga !More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales
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Malaga, a spot in the sun!
2008-02-03 19:56:00
Twas weird flying in from Edinburgh, the cold, blizzards and dour expressions replaced by a warm family atmosphere that showed many failings of life back home!I just walked around! I gained blisters as I tromped from the center of town to the promenade and back again and in some peculiar way I felt that I was in Miami! I say peculiar because I dislike the inane American showing of bad taste immensely but Malaga I came to like - even if I cannot pinpoint the exact similarity!Malaga is very typical of many Southern cities of Spain! Built for tourism it has an endless stream of hotels, guest houses and apartments but in these winter months the emphasis lies on the Spanish, the Brits and the Germans absent until the summer months creep back in again! Where the sand in Miami is golden brown it is black here! Where Miami runs on looks and the art of showing off, on big tits and roller bladers, scantily dressed woman and bare-chested ignoramous, Malaga in winter runs on families, on the ar...
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The Language of the Sea is English
2008-01-25 21:01:00
The language of the sea is English and whilst Mr Kwong (Second Engineer on some illegal North Korean Nuclear Transport vessel) or Jaun Carlos Castro (Cook and part-time Havana Cigar exporter on the MV Fidel) might not agree with or know about this statement most other seafarers do! The International Maritime Organisation rolled out this law yonks ago, that English would be the language of the sea, after they themselves suddenly realised that they could not understand each other! Many years ago from China to Chile this law was rubber stamped but it was not until the turn of the century that it could be said that it was the norm onboard. The IMO may well have loads of well-paid translators, expensive ear-phones that can perform magic tricks and they may have had the luxury of years to reach a unified decision but onboard ships all that the seafarers had was this law in one hand and a well-thumbed dictionary with half the pages missing in the other! It was common during the eighties a...
More About: Language

Miscarriage at Simpsons and I ask "Why"!
2008-01-11 17:04:00
I am sitting here in the Labour Ward at Simpson?s Maternity Ward in the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh. This is perhaps the hardest sit I have had to do in a long time, perhaps ever and I just keep on asking myself ?why??I ask myself ?why?, yet as I console my wife I tell her the exact opposite. I tell her that we don?t need to know the ?why?, only to be able to accept the tragedy, to grieve for the shattered dreams and to be able to cope with the loss without looking for answers that just aren?t there.To recap: whilst in the States my sister phoned and told me that my wife had been admitted to hospital. Despite being hospitalized her waters broke unexpectedly two days later which has lead us to today, waiting for labour to start and for what will be eventual termination to the pregnancy. I don?t want to go into these details, suffice it say that sitting here is agonizing; how inhumane to sit here hour after hour, day after day, with a nineteen week baby inside, one that is still kick...
More About: Simpsons , Miscarriage

The Elegante Ghost
2008-01-07 04:21:00
I?m starving! The feeling is like being on a plane, having joined hungry and then you are the last one to be served dinner! The smells and the boredom combine to make the head feel dizzy and the stomach angry!I am here in the Elegante Hotel in Beaumont Texas and there has been a slight mix-up between myself and room service! I decided at 5pm to have something to eat whilst writing up some reports and after much decision over a starter of Caribbean Quesadillas or a Beer Battered Onion Tree and a main course of Hemmingway?s Rib Eye Steak or a Cornbread and Jalepeno Crusted Catfish I made my choice and dialled for room service!This guy answered with a ?hello?! I being British went straight to the chase and listed my requirements for the stomach and he being typically American drawled his way through a litany of choices of dressing, side salads, french fries and drinks! After giving him my room number I put the phone down and started on my reports.One hour later I felt that something wa...
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Mike Huckabee and the Texan
2008-01-05 01:05:00
The Elegante Hotel, BeaumontAs I sit here watching to Mike Huckabee ?s New Hampshire campaign speech I have convinced myself that I should vote for this guy! Then the light bulb shone reminding me that I?m not American, that I am only visiting and that I couldn?t give a two toots who wins! He is a smooth talker though!I landed in Houston yesterday and after a two hour car drive I reached my hotel, the Elegante in Beaumont, Texas. I am here, despite my misgivings about all things large, to attend a vessel, she arriving tomorrow thus giving me the day to soak in all things Texan!The drive across the lower part of Texas was great. The landscape flat and the view unrestricted apart from more than a few large refineries and oil installations! Didn?t see NASA though! My driver Roy in his enormous pick-up truck was extremely chatty, so much so that I never once opened my mouth! I did though glean great insight into the primaries currently underway in the US and who to vote for and who not t...