Seamania Articles and tall tales Seamania Articles and tall tales Articles, Tall Tales and a vivid imagination - some non-fiction, others not so serious and the rest just utter fabrication! Articles
A Career at Sea
2007-12-30 19:49:00 Many seafarers are asked how they ended up at sea! Just like somebody may ask a teacher or a bricklayer why he or she became one, the answers tend to be varied and often without path to the end result. One common reason for entering a particular career is because ?my father did it and so did my grandfather?. Some extremely obvious reasons for going to sea might have been to get away from home or to see the world; equally so many rusty seafarers today embarked upon their careers for lack of anything else to do, because some cranky careers advisor suggested they do so or because they had been recently dumped by the school hottie! Seafarers are molded from any number of reasons with many having no clue as to whether they will become an engineer, mate or cook even after they have decided to sign up! Whilst others have had the sea in their blood since the day they were conceived.The Industry has changed though. Many a salty seafarer will prop up the local bars in seaside towns the world ... More About: Career
Christmas and the non-stop shop
2007-12-26 13:00:00 Whilst Santa Clause can now take a rest, the endless wish of society to spend money means that normal humans cannot! An estimated 3.57 million began their sales shopping online on Christmas Day according to the BBC News Online! On Christmas Day after enjoying the warm glow of family conversation that could so easily boil over, whilst feeling slighlty sick (in mind and soul) just thinking about all the food I had eaten that day and inbetween stuffing more into the bottomless pit I was trying to work out what to politely do with the six identical copies of a book that I had already read, when it suddenly hit me, why don't I do what I have done for the last six weeks? Why don't I go shopping again?Only Joking!Looking through the websites (honest I'm only looking) Debenhams front page clearly says "Biggest Clearance Sale ever at 70% off selected items"! A white aquamaster steamer for £12.00 perhaps? John Lewis are not going that far but are on the 50% mark with free delivery includ... More About: Shop , Stop , Top Shop
Santa Clause is a Thief
2007-12-23 16:25:00 I went shopping alone today for the second time this year! I previously made a mental note to never do such a thing again, in fact the attractions of online shopping had me pressing "enter" in my sleep and seamlessly pushing imaginary trolleys through empty checkouts. Unfortunately last night, whilst wrapping my wife's presents it dawned on me that she might just hit me around the head with the frying pan I had carefully chosen and finish me off with the wonderful set of dinner plates that the assistant had obviously conned me into buying!Anyway, fortified with the knowledge that I should go and get something personal and from the heart I set-off with determination and my personal "do not disturb" privacy shield pulled tight around me. And all was going well as I skillfully managed to bypass books on cooking, the tableware and bedlinen sections and it was only whilst I was heading for the "personal gifts for ladies shop" that I saw a terrible thing!As I was walking along, minding m... More About: Santa , Thief , Santa Clause , Clause
The Christmas Panic at Fort Kinnaird
2007-12-21 21:04:00 I went shopping today! The one and only time that I will do so without wife and son and perhaps an event never to be repeated for another year. It was bloody awfull! Toys R Us looked as if a bomb had exploded in the Thomas the Tank area, Instores bare shelves led me to assume that Santa was into stealing had been busy all night and the cookery book section in Bordes was filled with seemingly sad men who could think of nothing else to buy their wives (I bought slippers)!I went to Fort Kinnaird in Edinburgh as it is close to home, typically not so busy as town and it has all the usual shops from Mothercare to GAP (neither of which I went into). I knew things were not quite going to go according to my well-laid plans when I gave a passing comment to some people in the street! I was marching past the park in Portobello on the way to the bus stop and I slipped on some cleverly disguised ice that looked very much like the pavings tones beneath! I managed to remain upright and with dignity... More About: Christmas , Panic
The Christmas Panic at Fort Kinnaird
2007-12-21 21:04:00 I went shopping today! The one and only time that I will do so without wife and son and perhaps an event never to be repeated for another year. It was bloody awfull! Toys R Us looked as if a bomb had exploded in the Thomas the Tank area, Instores bare shelves led me to assume that Santa was into stealing had been busy all night and the cookery book section in Bordes was filled with seemingly sad men who could think of nothing else to buy their wives (I bought slippers)!I went to Fort Kinnaird in Edinburgh as it is close to home, typically not so busy as town and it has all the usual shops from Mothercare to GAP (neither of which I went into). I knew things were not quite going to go according to my well-laid plans when I gave a passing comment to some people in the street! I was marching past the park in Portobello on the way to the bus stop and I slipped on some cleverly disguised ice that looked very much like the pavings tones beneath! I managed to remain upright and with dignity... More About: Christmas , Panic
Silence for a Christmas At Sea
2007-12-20 11:17:00 As Christmas approaches, faster than I had planned for, I cannot help but give a moments silence to all those seafarers stuck out at sea over this period! I certainly had my fair share of sailing through Christmas Day and New Year - stuck in force 8 gales or legless on cheap plonk?At this time of year families should be together, the one day of the other 364 that enmities can be put aside and when perhaps family members meet for the last time (and possibly the first) of the year. Christmas is a time for children to eat badly, to have an overdose of plastic toys and to suffer undue attention from relatives that they can't remember having met before! For adults it is a time to laugh, to eat plenty without recrimination and weight watch and to hopefully put aside those endless feelings of antagonism, dreams or the actual reality of the slim secretary at the office or the sweaty gardener; it is time to share with those who are supposed to mean the most!So being at sea is not the best p... More About: Silence
Silence for a Christmas At Sea
2007-12-20 11:17:00 As Christmas approaches, faster than I had planned for, I cannot help but give a moments silence to all those seafarers stuck out at sea over this period! I certainly had my fair share of sailing through Christmas Day and New Year - stuck in force 8 gales or legless on cheap plonk?At this time of year families should be together, the one day of the other 364 that enmities can be put aside and when perhaps family members meet for the last time (and possibly the first) of the year. Christmas is a time for children to eat badly, to have an overdose of plastic toys and to suffer undue attention from relatives that they can't remember having met before! For adults it is a time to laugh, to eat plenty without recrimination and weight watch and to hopefully put aside those endless feelings of antagonism, dreams or the actual reality of the slim secretary at the office or the sweaty gardener; it is time to share with those who are supposed to mean the most!So being at sea is not the best p... More About: Silence
A Hotels Impersonality Drive
2007-12-19 09:31:00 Holiday Inn Express BelfastRecently I have been staying at a number of different Holiday Inn Express Hotels . The reason for choosing these (above say a grotty and paint-peeling B&B where the shower head won't stay up and the owner takes three hours to work the lock on the door) is that they are extremely 'handy' and can be booked instantly over the Internet.Express Hotels by Holiday Inn are known factors, are seemingly everywhere, are cheaper than many similar venues and I have always been able to get a room at short notice. The cost of a room seems to be in the region of 60-70 Pounds/night which includes a bed, table, a carpet, a window (mostly) and well not much else!I'm not sure when Holiday Inn caught on to this massive impersonality drive on hotels but they have proved to be extremely useful and easy. I have now been in four or five of them from Southampton to Belfast and well ....... I do have a slight problem though that my travel psychiatrist says is the direct fault of ... More About: Drive
A Hotels Impersonality Drive
2007-12-19 09:31:00 Holiday Inn Express BelfastRecently I have been staying at a number of different Holiday Inn Express Hotels . The reason for choosing these (above say a grotty and paint-peeling B&B where the shower head won't stay up and the owner takes three hours to work the lock on the door) is that they are extremely 'handy' and can be booked instantly over the Internet.Express Hotels by Holiday Inn are known factors, are seemingly everywhere, are cheaper than many similar venues and I have always been able to get a room at short notice. The cost of a room seems to be in the region of 60-70 Pounds/night which includes a bed, table, a carpet, a window (mostly) and well not much else!I'm not sure when Holiday Inn caught on to this massive impersonality drive on hotels but they have proved to be extremely useful and easy. I have now been in four or five of them from Southampton to Belfast and well ....... I do have a slight problem though that my travel psychiatrist says is the direct fault of ... More About: Drive , Ality
Life's Building Blocks
2007-12-15 21:48:00 More articles can be found at http://www.seadolby.com More About: Building , Blocks
Life's Building Blocks
2007-12-15 21:48:00 More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Building , Blocks
A Career in the Merchant Navy
2007-12-11 20:41:00 When I worked at sea many people ashore asked me what I do all day! Polite conversation maybe but my inability to give a simple answer always left me in a quandary! Take for example a hairdresser, fresh out of college and bubbly, who is given the task of cutting my hair. She began in the usual fashion by showing me to my chair and securing me tightly with the customary green robe. She asked me how I wanted my hair cut, presumably expecting a reply along the lines of ?like the lead singer of Boyzone?, but received instead the simple direction of ?short? boosted by a ?very? for emphasis.Once started she settled into her new found freedom and before long she had plucked-up enough courage to start a conversation! She said ?what?s your job?? I am not open to career exchange by boldly stating that I am an architect or a plastic surgeon (and would she be free tonight); I simply replied truthfully and without embellishment ?I?m an Engineer in the Merchant Navy ?!Snip, Snip Snip!After a few m... More About: Career
A Career in the Merchant Navy
2007-12-11 20:41:00 When I worked at sea many people ashore asked me what I do all day! Polite conversation maybe but my inability to give a simple answer always left me in a quandary! Take for example a hairdresser, fresh out of college and bubbly, who is given the task of cutting my hair. She began in the usual fashion by showing me to my chair and securing me tightly with the customary green robe. She asked me how I wanted my hair cut, presumably expecting a reply along the lines of “like the lead singer of Boyzone”, but received instead the simple direction of “short” boosted by a “very” for emphasis.Once started she settled into her new found freedom and before long she had plucked-up enough courage to start a conversation! She said “what’s your job”? I am not open to career exchange by boldly stating that I am an architect or a plastic surgeon (and would she be free tonight); I simply replied truthfully and without embellishment “I’m an Engineer in the Merchant Navy ”!Snip,... More About: Career
The Royal Simpsons Maternity Ward
2007-12-10 09:30:00 I was in hospital the other day to look after and console my wife who required some emergency work done on her! She was not heading down the breast enlargement or lip enhancement route; I certainly wouldn’t have been so helpful and supportive (the silicon does that) but this was a necessity to prevent possible future miscarriage!Anyway, why I sit here writing this is more about the hospital than my wife so …….The National Health Service! I have over the last few years, due to endless media criticism and attack, come to view the NHS as a decaying service with constant inbuilt pressure that occasionally bursts at the seems - like a sixty year old mattress with an overactive couple trying out new positions on top of it!For some reason, whilst building up the nerves in preparation for entering the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh (Simpson's Maternity Ward ), I had in my mind endless images of yellowed and peeling walls, rusting metal framed beds, stressed-out doctors and over made-up ... More About: Simpsons
The Royal Simpsons Maternity Ward
2007-12-10 09:30:00 I was in hospital the other day to look after and console my wife who required some emergency work done on her! She was not heading down the breast enlargement or lip enhancement route; I certainly wouldn?t have been so helpful and supportive (the silicon does that) but this was a necessity to prevent possible future miscarriage!Anyway, why I sit here writing this is more about the hospital than my wife so ??.The National Health Service! I have over the last few years, due to endless media criticism and attack, come to view the NHS as a decaying service with constant inbuilt pressure that occasionally bursts at the seems - like a sixty year old mattress with an overactive couple trying out new positions on top of it!For some reason, whilst building up the nerves in preparation for entering the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh (Simpson's Maternity Ward ), I had in my mind endless images of yellowed and peeling walls, rusting metal framed beds, stressed-out doctors and over made-up nurses... More About: Simpsons
The Wich of the North and Boko the Baboon
2007-12-09 18:15:00 My sister moved house a few months ago! She eventually climbed onto the lowest rung of the property ladder by taking out a super-sized mortgage that hardly seems to justify the lack of ability to swing a cat in the brick that she now owns!Anyway! Whilst she was packing she came across some vintage literature, the remains of a bygone era and what possibly is the only such peice in existance. Beleive me, this was a worthy find! There were only three-yellowed pages despite further searching but the value of even these few sheets is beyond imagination!And she gave them all to me!These three crusty and ancieant A4 sheets are covered in typewritten script, courier face perhaps and where it is clear that the letter "P" was broken off at the bottom of the vertical line. Clear Evidence that the same type writer was used throughout. On the first page is a four verse poem and some suitable jokes of the era. The second and last page a story, a childhood story that uses the full-imagination of t... More About: North
The Wich of the North and Boko the Baboon
2007-12-09 18:15:00 My sister moved house a few months ago! She eventually climbed onto the lowest rung of the property ladder by taking out a super-sized mortgage that hardly seems to justify the lack of ability to swing a cat in the brick that she now owns!Anyway! Whilst she was packing she came across some vintage literature, the remains of a bygone era and what possibly is the only such peice in existance. Beleive me, this was a worthy find! There were only three-yellowed pages despite further searching but the value of even these few sheets is beyond imagination!And she gave them all to me!These three crusty and ancieant A4 sheets are covered in typewritten script, courier face perhaps and where it is clear that the letter "P" was broken off at the bottom of the vertical line. Clear Evidence that the same type writer was used throughout. On the first page is a four verse poem and some suitable jokes of the era. The second and last page a story, a childhood story that uses the full-imagination of t... More About: North
Easy Jet and I wipe my hands of them!
2007-12-07 18:10:00 Yesterday I had to take a flight! Easy Jet flew straight, BA required a stopover!I flew BA!Oh, for anybody that would like to hear more about Easy Jet and there extremely poor service here's a good website! NotSoEasyJet.Com Listen Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou - If you give me a million squid I'll stop harping on; but that doesn't mean I will want to fly with your airline again! Now that would take two million scoobies!Anyway; enough is enough! Now I must turn my attention to the National Health System if its still there!Ieuan Dolby7th December 2007More articles can be found at The Mariners Tales More About: Hands , Wipe
Easy Jet and I wipe my hands of them!
2007-12-07 18:10:00 Yesterday I had to take a flight! Easy Jet flew straight, BA required a stopover!I flew BA!Oh, for anybody that would like to hear more about Easy Jet and there extremely poor service here's a good website! NotSoEasyJet.Com Listen Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou - If you give me a million squid I'll stop harping on; but that doesn't mean I will want to fly with your airline again! Now that would take two million scoobies!Anyway; enough is enough! Now I must turn my attention to the National Health System if its still there!Ieuan Dolby7th December 2007More articles can be found at http://www.seadolby.com More About: Hands , Wipe
The easiest 'thing' in the world to write about
2007-11-19 09:28:00 To complain is easy! To write an article filled with scathing attack and vitriol is very simple since the required emotions are already present - the article could as well write itself! As my blood boils and my head swims with feelings of wanting to find the Chief Executive of Easy Jet, Flybe or British Airways and make them travel cattle class and without Speedy Boarding (some con that Easy Jet uses to extract further money from the poor passengers), to drag some executive from his plush office and make him/her stand inside a sealed bus on some stand for twenty minutes whilst breathing in the aroma's of some underpaid and 'peely-wally' Malaga goers from Brixton who nearly missed the flight, I make a mental note that this is not going to happen and so instead I write something down!But most people are not interested! If I pick up a newspaper and all I get are writers complaints and attacks on society, on the council, on the lack of Scotland's usual inability to win a simple foot... More About: World , Write , The World , Thing
The easiest 'thing' in the world to write about
2007-11-19 09:28:00 To complain is easy! To write an article filled with scathing attack and vitriol is very simple since the required emotions are already present - the article could as well write itself! As my blood boils and my head swims with feelings of wanting to find the Chief Executive of Easy Jet, Flybe or British Airways and make them travel cattle class and without Speedy Boarding (some con that Easy Jet uses to extract further money from the poor passengers), to drag some executive from his plush office and make him/her stand inside a sealed bus on some stand for twenty minutes whilst breathing in the aroma's of some underpaid and 'peely-wally' Malaga goers from Brixton who nearly missed the flight, I make a mental note that this is not going to happen and so instead I write something down!But most people are not interested! If I pick up a newspaper and all I get are writers complaints and attacks on society, on the council, on the lack of Scotland's usual inability to win a simple foot... More About: World , Write , The World , Thing
Easy Jet has no Customer Service
2007-11-16 16:34:00 I seem to be harping on about airlines recently but as one airline hits the top of the stupidity charts, another comes zooming along to take there place!In fact, looking back at my past customers, BA came right out with suitable recompense, Cathay Pacific to! I only have Flybe who just seem incapable of having one plane leaving on time, 14 flights delayed out of sixteen is worse than British Rail! And then I have Easy Jet who have just made my blood boil! Is it that hard to get a plane off the ground? Is it that hard to say "I'm sorry"?Obviously so! My letter of complaint to Easy Jet was replied to in an offhand and easily dismissive manner! They said:.........If we advise you of a delay to your flight of more than one hour from the scheduled time of departure and you chose not to fly, you will be entitled to ...........our records indicate you chose to fly ..........! Of course I chose to fly! You never told me when the bally plane was going to leave, "soon" you said, "soon"! And ... More About: Customer Service , Service , Customer
Easy Jet has no Customer Service
2007-11-16 16:34:00 I seem to be harping on about airlines recently but as one airline hits the top of the stupidity charts, another comes zooming along to take there place!In fact, looking back at my past customers, BA came right out with suitable recompense, Cathay Pacific to! I only have Flybe who just seem incapable of having one plane leaving on time, 14 flights delayed out of sixteen is worse than British Rail! And then I have Easy Jet who have just made my blood boil! Is it that hard to get a plane off the ground? Is it that hard to say "I'm sorry"?Obviously so! My letter of complaint to Easy Jet was replied to in an offhand and easily dismissive manner! They said:.........If we advise you of a delay to your flight of more than one hour from the scheduled time of departure and you chose not to fly, you will be entitled to ...........our records indicate you chose to fly ..........! Of course I chose to fly! You never told me when the bally plane was going to leave, "soon" you said, "soon"! And ... More About: Customer Service , Service , Customer
Easy Jet is not Easy!
2007-11-16 16:28:00 My letter to Easy Jet Customer Service Department after a particularly arduous journey!Customer ServicesEasy Jet Airline CompanyHangar 89London Luton AirportLutonBedfordshire, LU2 9PFDear Sir/MadamI write to you regarding the disastrous trip that I had the extreme displeasure of experiencing due to the inconvenient delays to one of your planes departures.I arranged a trip to Vigo in Spain to attend the naming ceremony of a ship! Easy Jet simply had to take me to Madrid from Edinburgh and with 80 minutes to spare I would simply then have climbed aboard an Air Iberia flight from Madrid to Vigo, slept the night, attended the ceremony in the morning and set out what I was supposed to do.Flight EZY7862 Edinburgh to Madrid on 26th October 2007 was delayed by over one hour! I missed my connecting flight and had to stay in Madrid overnight. The next flight out was at 10am on the 27th October and unfortunately I arrived in Vigo far too late to attend the opening ceremony!And then to beat it ...
Easy Jet is not Easy!
2007-11-16 16:28:00 My letter to Easy Jet Customer Service Department after a particularly arduous journey!Customer ServicesEasy Jet Airline CompanyHangar 89London Luton AirportLutonBedfordshire, LU2 9PFDear Sir/MadamI write to you regarding the disastrous trip that I had the extreme displeasure of experiencing due to the inconvenient delays to one of your planes departures.I arranged a trip to Vigo in Spain to attend the naming ceremony of a ship! Easy Jet simply had to take me to Madrid from Edinburgh and with 80 minutes to spare I would simply then have climbed aboard an Air Iberia flight from Madrid to Vigo, slept the night, attended the ceremony in the morning and set out what I was supposed to do.Flight EZY7862 Edinburgh to Madrid on 26th October 2007 was delayed by over one hour! I missed my connecting flight and had to stay in Madrid overnight. The next flight out was at 10am on the 27th October and unfortunately I arrived in Vigo far too late to attend the opening ceremony!And then to beat it ...
Expedia.Com and the Joys of Being Pregnant
2007-11-06 08:33:00 I have some excellent news! My wife is pregnant! In June another little Dolby will pop out and lo and behold we will be fully-surround sound!Unfortunately a certain travel agency have cast a shadow on the event! I won't mention their name here as well, hmmm........ they are Expedia .Com, a large on-line travel center who upon hearing that my wife could not fly refused point blank to refund the cost of the ticket - she had planned to visit home in Taiwan in January!Thanks guys and girls!They did state quite clearly that I had agreed to the 'terms and conditions' but at the time I signed a tick box that said "Do you agree to the terms and conditions which have not yet been assigned for this ticket". But rules aside, what I want to know is how and why can any airline charge over 1000 Pounds for not flying! I have now canceled those tickets for no return so somebody pockets all that money! Then somebody else comes along and sits in the seats that my wife and son should have been sitti... More About: Pregnant
Expedia.Com and the Joys of Being Pregnant
2007-11-06 08:33:00 I have some excellent news! My wife is pregnant! In June another little Dolby will pop out and lo and behold we will be fully-surround sound!Unfortunately a certain travel agency have cast a shadow on the event! I won't mention their name here as well, hmmm........ they are Expedia .Com, a large on-line travel center who upon hearing that my wife could not fly refused point blank to refund the cost of the ticket - she had planned to visit home in Taiwan in January!Thanks guys and girls!They did state quite clearly that I had agreed to the 'terms and conditions' but at the time I signed a tick box that said "Do you agree to the terms and conditions which have not yet been assigned for this ticket". But rules aside, what I want to know is how and why can any airline charge over 1000 Pounds for not flying! I have now canceled those tickets for no return so somebody pockets all that money! Then somebody else comes along and sits in the seats that my wife and son should have been sitti... More About: Pregnant
My New Internet Trading Account
2007-10-29 11:49:00 I could get 5% interest in the Teeny Tots savings bank down the road eh? I get 0.25% more if I leave it there and don’t use it for the whole year! If I open an ISA with the government indexed something or other I might (or I might not) get a little bit more than whatever somebody said I would get if I did something completely different.Sorry, but I’m not going to be able to retire on anything less than 20%.And so I headed off to the “other place”, the one place that might just give me 20% if I play my cards right and with a good bit of luck for good measure! It might just give me more if I am careful but should I take risks or inadvertently play the wrong card I might just see the initial sum playing a permanent vanishing trick. Oh, don’t take me wrong! Don’t for one minute assume that I am going to start sniffing and snorting in Ladbrokes over a horse or two or become an Internet Poker addict. I have also not fallen victim to some Spam email that landed in my inbox that... More About: Trading , Account
My New Internet Trading Account
2007-10-29 11:49:00 I could get 5% interest in the Teeny Tots savings bank down the road eh? I get 0.25% more if I leave it there and don?t use it for the whole year! If I open an ISA with the government indexed something or other I might (or I might not) get a little bit more than whatever somebody said I would get if I did something completely different.Sorry, but I?m not going to be able to retire on anything less than 20%.And so I headed off to the ?other place?, the one place that might just give me 20% if I play my cards right and with a good bit of luck for good measure! It might just give me more if I am careful but should I take risks or inadvertently play the wrong card I might just see the initial sum playing a permanent vanishing trick. Oh, don?t take me wrong! Don?t for one minute assume that I am going to start sniffing and snorting in Ladbrokes over a horse or two or become an Internet Poker addict. I have also not fallen victim to some Spam email that landed in my inbox that read ?send ... More About: Trading , Account
The Water Clerks Doughnuts
More articles from this author:2007-10-09 02:12:00 The agent kindly brought some doughnuts on board! Not that the Captain had asked him to, or that we were all dying for a sickly sweat lump of dough but it was a kindly gesture and appreciated after a long voyage at sea! A welcome port in a storm!The Agent was large, indistinguishable amongst his co-workers but here on this lean vessel it would not have surprised the crew to see the ship leaning over, listing in accordance with where this flabby bear stood, port or starboard, forward or aft! Five decks, 10 flights of stairs, lots of pauses, grunts and groans, he was completely exhausted, sweating rivers, when he finally stood in-front of the agile Captain!Agents typically have a function in life. They provide the link to ashore; they are the directors for obtaining food, stores and water! They arrange hotels for departing seafarers, transport pick-ups for those joining and they occasionally bring doughnuts and the daily newspaper! They have the local knowledge and connections; the li... More About: Water , Clerks 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
 |
|
 |
